Was it an implication that I put my grandson's safety at risk?
I could use some insight/advice from any experienced person out there.
briefly without alot of details which I can provide upon request :
DIL gave birth to our first grandchild one month ago. Baby is fine - a boy. SHe has been experiencing P.Partum depression that came on gradually. My son is very supportive and her parents have been helping alot with the baby who has a BAD case of night and day mixed up ( not unusual). Baby lives about 45 min from us , nearer her parents.
We have always been very loving toward her and have a good relationship although it could be better. I have stopped by only twice since the birth and brought food and held the baby and tried not to stay too long. I have emailed numerous times making it VERY clear I would love to help with the baby whenever they may need me , I'm just waiting for the call. I don't give advice unless it's asked for. 2 weeks ago , the grandpa and I were asked to keep the baby as the other grandparents couldn't that night and the parents were exhausted and the mom was having a particularly bad time of depression. We gladly helped ( even tho I had to go to work the next day , my husband is retired and he helped during the night). Our son was the one who lined it up at the last minute , and brought the baby to us with some very quick instructions. The baby is bottle-fed. We did fine with our grandson - and he actually slept longer and pooped more under our care. I kept a log of everything we did , when fed , when pooped, when slept, etc.- for the mom to have.
A few days later, I sent a very nice email addressed to both my son and DIL - saying how much we enjoyed the baby, but sorry it was under the circumstances - but it's surely nothing to be ashamed of and we hope and pray (mom) gets better real soon - just all loving words - and I sent a couple of photos of the baby at our house. One was of him laying in the "play and go" with a stuffed monkey I had made,sitting beside him and an "I love Grandma" blanket on him that I had made. I innocently sent this pic to them.
When he slept here, I did not have the monkey in there with him and I kept the blanket way down just covering his lower legs. He was on his back/side just as our son had instructed us to do and prop him that way. But our son had given us a little bassinet thing that they keep him in in their bed at night. He didn't say specifically that this is where he needed to sleep when we had him. We made sure when we laid him in the 'play and go ' that his face was clear of any loose cloth etc. He doesnt' even move when he's put in a position.
The next day , after the photos and email were sent, my son sent me an email - and all it was was a forward from the baby's mom to my son and then to me ( indirect) and it was a list of the guidelines to prevent SIDS. No note, no thank you, no response to my mail - just this. I didn't know how to respond. So I didn't respond. Still haven't. It hurt me so. Was she implying that I put the baby at risk? Was she thinking I compromised his safety while in my care??? Oh my, this is a precious baby , my grandson ! And my husband and I were so attentive to him. I believe my son was just the go-between for the email. I have let this really get to me in last few weeks. If she had only just written a little sweet note with it, I would have received it gladly. We met with our son for dinner recently and I did not bring it up. He mentioned how she is still having problems and that the baby is her life right now. But he brought the baby with him to dinner and we got to hold him. She didn't come and there was some reason he gave. We have not even talked or had any communication to or from the mom in weeks. I'm tired of emailing her and getting no response. Yes, she's having some postpartum stuff and wasn't able to breastfeed - but is that really an excuse to be so rude and ungrateful toward us. Her family has just taken over helping with the baby and I don't see where we fit in. I love being a helper ! My husband and I have not offered any more and decided to just lay low and give it time. But the idea of her implying that I put the child at risk for SIDS has really done a number on me.