Advice for first time grandparent
Hello all. I do not wished to be judged here, only to receive some much needed advice because I love my grandson with all my heart 2 months ago my daughter and son in law and their 1 year old child needed to move back in with us because they became unemployed. We agreed because my daughter has always been so helpful and we jumped at the chance of being able to spend more quality time with our grandson. ( selfish reasons, I know.....but family means the world to us).
Anyway, over the past 2 months we have held our tounge at all costs. We don't want to overstep our boundaries as grandparents. They are the parents now. We made mistakes, and so will they. Live and learn, right? We told ourselves when this journey first began that we would be there for them and just shower our grandson with the love and attention that any grandparent would.
But it's getting harder and harder to hold our tounge. We see things that we probably otherwise would not of with them living under our roof and being together pretty much 24/7.
Let me give some background. The father (our son in law) goes to school 6 hours a day, comes back home, goes to his room where my daughter makes and serves him lunch, he sleeps until dinner time where my daughter makes and serves him dinner again (usually in the room, but not always), he stays in the room on his laptop until bed time. And that's about his day :-/ He has taken out the garbage 3 times that I have seen while he has been here. No other contributions to the household. (They don't pay rent or help with utilities because of no income at the time) He doesn't spend much time at all with his son. Won't babysit him, never seen him change a diaper, very rarely ever see him hold him, etc.
My daughter used to be a very kind, careing, and extremely helpful person. A heart of gold. But lately she always seems depressed and tired. She is pretty much not helping at all around the house. Not even with their own messes. And she seems to have a short fuse when it comes to me. Seems no matter how I watch every word I say, I'm always getting reprimanded.
Ok. Onto my grandson. Now take into account, in 2 months I have only spoke my mind on two occasions. Held my tounge the rest.
My grandson is not kept on any schedule what so ever. Not for feeding or sleeping or anything. He is the best child any parent could hope for. Very well tempered, hardly ever cries, a absolute joy to be around.
This is his day usually. Sleeps in until around 11. Wakes up. Mom makes him breakfast. Sits him in the high chair in front of TV. Leaves him alone, goes back to room. Gramma tries to keep an eye from afar to make sure he's safe. I usually end up taking him out of the high chair and waning him up. Because no one is around when he's done and starts crying. I play with him until she finally comes down to check on him. He pretty much gets ignored the rest of the day. He plays by himself. Only to get talked to when he is told "NO!".
I don't believe in ignoring a child. Especially a one year old. I feel they are a treasure a blessing that you should spend all the time with them that you can. They grow up so fast! But that's from a grandparents view. I've been there. I know you have to treasure every moment.
Ok. To the point. One night last week, I heard him crying in his crib (not unusual, that's where he gets his time outs when he's being punished for touching things he shouldn't or being too loud playing that they couldn't watch TV) but he was screaming for what seemed like forever (prob was only a little over an hour), I went up to their room (this is the first I have said anything remotely negative in 2 months) and softly knocked on the door, I asked in a quiet voice, is he alright, is everything alright? She replied, yes why? I just said (very comly) he's been crying a really long time, just wondering. She said, yes that's just how we put him to sleep. I said ok and walked away. Didn't press the matter. The room became very quiet. After about 10 minutes, they had bags packed and the 3 of them took off out the front door, not to return until the next night. They had his other gramma pick them up.
Ok. 2nd occasion. The grandbaby has figured out how to open doors. He opened a door in our house and walked out. When the door closed, it slammed hard on his little fingers. Poor guy. I opened the door to see him screaming in pain with his poor little fingers all curled up in different directions. (Didn't know if they were broken or not) upping opening the door, my daughter cried out, LEAVE HIM ALONE, he's fine!! I looked back at her and against my better judgement, picked him up to make sure he WAS indeed fine. He was screaming but his hand was fine. She reprimanded me for picking him up. Was very mad at me. But I had to make sure he was ok when no one else would. Was I wrong?
I for sure don't want to over step my boundaries. But it breaks my heart when my grandchild gets ignored, when he is given no attention other than to be told, when I hear he can wait to eat he's fine, when he's not allowed to do the things a normal one year old does only to be treated like because he's walking he should be acting like an adult, when he gets spanked for being a one year old, or mouth and nose covered for being too loud, or crying for hours on end in his crib because he's a one year old, or left alone because they have other things to do (take a shower, look at the computer,etc).
But through it all, I keep my mouth shut except for those 2 occasions. I'm trying. Please guide me on what to do. I need help. I don't want to over step. But I also want him to be safe and happy and enjoy being a kid (baby). Need advice. Please no bashing. I'm having a hard time with all of this. Just need advice. Thank you :-)