Should grandparents be paid for childcare (new)

twodigitJanuary 13, 2009

I too have kinda the same situation. My daughter got married last year and had her second daughter 3 months ago. Both her husband and her work nights and I care for my 3 month old granddaughter (the oldest daughter stays with her father while my daughter works). I was planning on going back to work (after long illness) prior to my daughter getting pregnant, but instead agreed to provide care for my granddaughter. I have her half of the time, since they work nights and need to sleep during the day I just keep her straight through for 2-3 days (3 days first week 4 days second week). I asked to be paid $75 a week and my daughter talked to her husband about the fee and he was upset and told her that was $300 a month they couldn't afford. With my husband being our sole source of income they make approx. double what we make each payday. Of course they say it is not the same becauce our house and vehicle is paid for. I feel like a jerk for asking them to pay me, especailly since I did not charge her to babysit the oldest one when she was little. I had her just as much as I have this one now, but my daughter was single and really struggling. If we had unlimited income I probably wouldn't ask to be paid except for right before this one was born we were discussing birth control and waiting a good long time before having another one and my son in laws response was well if she gets pregnant she gets pregnant. They have since gotten birth control, but if they hadn't would I be expected to take care of another one too. So part of the reason I requested pay is for them to learn there are consequences for having babies. When he pitched a fit about paying me, my daughter told him that was a lot cheaper than childcare any where else, especially over night. But each payday (every two weeks) I have to ask for the money they do not volunteer it. Therefore each payday I feel like a jerk for asking for it. I though my daughter was okay with paying me then this morning when she picked up my granddaughter she forgot to give me the money. I called her cell phone before she got more than a couple blocks and she said she had it to meet her outside she would bring it back. When I went outside to get it her exact words were 'There your paid'. I want to see my grandchildren and I don't get to see the oldest one very much but I would also like just a little spending money too. Am I wrong?

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Yes, you should be paid, I agree with chaplainkent, it is a job. You are not babysitting, you are providing childcare, as you noted in the subject, and childcare is a job worth paying for. Around here, daycare charges are $200 a week, minimum, so they are getting a bargain. Overnight care is rarely available.

But, if you framed this to your daughter as a lesson to be learned by them, I can understand why she's upset. You are both behaving very badly. They are adults now, so your attempts to criticize their decisions, no matter how bad they seem to you, are, of course going to insult them, as it would you if they made comments about how you live your life.

You may need to back off for a while, while being as pleasant and cheerful as possible, always happy to see them; and start looking for a job. When you have some good prospects, you can frame the conversation around potential jobs and how they are going to adjust, and what it would take to allow you to keep caring for their child/children.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   January 18, 2009 at 1:42PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

From the day I had my baby I paid my mother for childcare.I found out it was not cheap to have a baby.I only had one.When I became a grandmother I charged my daughter too.She only had two.I don't care who it is they must know besides love you need money to live by,

    Bookmark   December 30, 2011 at 5:09PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Hi - I think goldy is very right. Here's my situation.
Well, I have a really upsetting problem. When my first grandson was born, naturally I wanted to help out.
So, my husband and I offered to babysit while - both of the parents worked. At that time I was not working outside of our home. We have been self employed for about 15 years.
So, we have been babysitting now for ten years.
There are 2 grandkids now. The oldest is 10 and in school all day, the baby is 3 and needs a sitter all day.
Well, now that the economy has slowed I have been looking for a job. I, need to work now and help pay our bills.
Hi - I think Well, I just informed the parents and they are acting like it's the end of the world. I know , it will be hard for them as we have made it so convenient by always being available and for this long.
I, am searching for babysitting and school pickup for them.
Do any of you have any suggestions, I am so frazzled.
Please, email me any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, Mistee

    Bookmark   October 15, 2012 at 10:43AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Uninterested Grandparents
I'm becoming more and more troubled by the behavior...
My Grandparents made me the man I am today!
Unlike most who post in this section, I am not a grandparent...
Uninterested Grandparents
I need some advice! My husband's parents are local...
Need advice on boundaries
Our second Grandchild will be born this Saturday and...
can't see one grandkid, must take them all or none. what?!
My daughter and 2yo granddaughter moved in with me...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™