Graduation Announcements

n2cookinMay 3, 2012

It is that time of year when I receive graduation announcements from relatives, etc. I received 3 in the past month. I always send a sweet card and usually a $ gift card in return. This year I couldn't help but have my feelings hurt as all 3 announcements were addressed with our names incorrect. Really? Would this be the graduates fault or their parent's?

Announcement #1 was addressed to Mr and Mrs Jane Doe. Does the kid not know their uncle's name is John? He's their only uncle. His name is not Jane, that's me.

Announcement #2 was addressed to Jane Smith and John Doe. Hmmm, they attended our wedding 11 yrs ago, wouldn't I finally be Jane Doe?

Announcement#3 was addressed to Mr & Mrs John Dow. How do you misspell the family name?

Do the parents not proof these before they are sent out or do people just not care? We see all these relatives every year at Christmas, so it's not like we are strangers. Anyone else have this problem? Like I ssid, I will send a nice gift and be the better person, but its still hurtful that you know me well enough to send me an announcement, but not well enough to know my name?

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The parents probably don't proof them. After all, these teens are old enough to be informed, voting adults. However, I understand your frustration as the mistakes send a subliminal message of carelessness and disinterest on the part of the graduate.

I received a wedding invitation last year on which both my first and last names were misspelled and I don't have a complicated or unusual name. I was seriously tempted to consider it as not really meant to be sent to me and trash it. However, I didn't. I sent back my regrets and arranged to have a gift delivered from the bride's registry. I never received a thank you note.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 9:07PM
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To be honest, it would be much less hurtful to skip me completely than to send one and get my name wrong. It becomes just a solicitation for $ IMHO. And the sublimal part, makes me wonder if they addressed us as Mr & Mrs Jane Doe meaning I wear the pants in the family? lol Well, yes, I would be the one sending the gift. If I left it up to their uncle they'd receive $0. Just has me shaking my head...

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 9:20PM
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Fun2BHere- I was thinking the same thing about thank yous. I sent my nephew and his wife a check for their baby. This was almst a month ago!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 9:20PM
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Ellendi, I don't know if these people were never taught manners or just don't care enough to use them. I'm sure some poster will come along and tell us that we are complete fuddy duddies for expecting a thank you note. I would ask those posters then if it is okay for me to stop sending R.S.V.P.s and gifts in response to graduation, wedding and shower invitations?

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 10:13PM
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My niece is getting married in June (my sister's daughter). It will be out of town which means a 5 hour drive and staying in a hotel for a couple of nights. Everyone received an invitation except for me, my mom and another niece. We are invited but the bride ran out of invitations. RAN OUT OF INVITATIONS! WHAT! So print more. Send me one by e-mail. Phone me. I don't care. My mom (her grandmother) at the very least should have received something - just out of respect. But nothing. I have called and e-mailed this niece asking for something so that we can send in the dinner request order and no response. My sister finally took digital pics of the invite and sent it to me after I threatened to e-mail the bride and give her a lecture.
I have absolutely no idea whose fault this is - my niece's, my sister's, the groom's (who I have never met), or is this just the way it is now. I guess I'm also just a fuddie duddie. Oh, and they want money for a honeymoon. Not happening.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 10:34PM
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Well for some reason with some people it never seems to stick. I don't know how many times I've spelled my husbands name to my mom and she still gets it wrong. It's not like she hasn't seen me write it in e-mails etc. either. Always wrong though and some variations on it everytime too. I'm tempted to send her an e-mail for her with a reminder so she can go look it up if she needs to mail something again with our names on it.

Yes it is a different spelling than most with the same sounding name, however being that she lives in Sweden and this is not a name used there so she'd ever seen any other variation on the spelling she doesn't even have that excuse.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2012 at 11:13PM
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Mom of a graduate here. My (very) creative girl not only designed her own announcements, she insisted on addressing every one of them herself. I offered to help but she told me that she wanted everyone to know she was more than a passive bystander in this celebration. She may have misspelled a few things. I didn't want to hover over her too much. I did notice that she failed to address two envelopes with "Dr. & Mrs." and instead used their first names, as she's close to them. Her one uncle is a minister and she addressed theirs also using their first names. I did point out those three. She told me that she wasn't going for formality, but for love and the closeness she felt towards them. She's a very smart girl, so I left it there. It was just a month 'til graduation then I was "picking my battles" carefully as this is a very volatile time emotionally for these kids (LOL). Thank goodness everyone I've heard back from thus far has just commented on her refreshingly pretty and unique announcement. But, I can definitely see why you're shaking your head, N2cookin. I still shake my head at some of the things my sweet DD does!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2012 at 7:13PM
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Lyfa, you having to spell your DH's name for your mom cracks me up. My mother tends to mispronounce my eldest DD's name...even tho she's the oldest granchild.

n2, if it was me, I'd send a smaller check. The graduate won't likely know they're receiving a lesser amount, but I would. And if I didn't get a thank you card, well, that's the last check they get from me. (gads, I sound like my mother!!)

    Bookmark   May 4, 2012 at 10:30PM
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nah, you don't sound like your mother because you can pronounce your daughter's name.

N2, it's unbelievable that you received 3 incorrect cards and from family members. My guess is it's just plain sloppiness and not a deliberate attempt to offend you. My surname differs from my husband so I expect and receive all sorts of combinations and even 19 years later, some people are still unsure how to address it. Only one person, who has always been clear in her disapproval of my name choice, deliberately sends things to Mr & Mrs John Doe. It amuses me that it bothers her so much. She's not even family!

blfenton, I could forgive the running out of invites if the bride called and explained the situation while personally discussing the details and inviting you. She can't be that busy that she can't call the 3 family members that she is taking for granted.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 8:55AM
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I totally agree with Ellendi and Fun2BHere..... I am an old fuddy duddy. I expect the courtesy of a thank you..... a card would be nice, a phone call or email.... acceptable. I taught my daughters to properly respond to a gift or kind gesture. THEY on the other hand, have not felt it to be necessary. And, yes, weddings, baby showers, graduations, all these types of gift giving occasions should be acknowledged with a thank you of some sort.
As for the bride to be running out of invitations..... I agree with hhireno..... she could make the phone call.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 10:09AM
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My husband and I have been married 28 years, and I have an aunt who has never spelled our last name properly. In fact, every year she seems to come up with something different. Our last name is actually spelled phonetically, but most people want to throw a few extra letters in. It really doesn't bother me. I just look forward to seeing what new creative spellings she will come up with.

As far as graduation announcements go, I didn't buy or send any for them when they graduated from HS. We invited close family to attend the ceremony, and anyone else we were truly close to knew that it was happening. My daughter did create and send out her own announcements when she graduated from college. I had a family member send out HS graduation announcements for his daughter, even though she had not earned all of the credits to graduate. He thought that she would finish in summer school, but did not.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 1:00PM
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I guess if any of them did it to offend me, I get the satisfaction in the end. I send the sweetest cards and gifts and hopefully that makes them feel a small tinge of guilt? Kill 'em with kindness I say. It will be interesting though to see how the thank-you's are addressed (if I even get one).

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 3:59PM
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Well I'm a proud member of the fuddy duddies of the world.
Personally I think it's nice that the kids are addressing and sending their own announcements especially after spend most of last week writing the invitations, envelopes RSVPs and directions along with making maps and printing it all for our daughters wedding all by myself while she wasn't even available to contact with any questions I have.
But I must add that I'm curious to where these seniors are getting the addresses from? One would think their Mom's address book, so is it that hard to copy the proper spelling of names? Funny they had no problem getting the addresses correct.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 5:07PM
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cyn427 (zone 7)

Another fuddy duddy. I finally quit sending gifts or money to my darling nieces. When we lived near each other and I gave them their gifts in person, I didn't expect a note, but once they moved 12 hours away, I would send their gifts. They never even thanked me by phone. Their first Christmas away, I sent a huge box filled with gifts for them both. I never even knew if they received their gifts until the checks cleared. I blame my sister for this sense of entitlement and I quit sending anything other than cards for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, etc. Very sad state of affairs when young people don't understand that there are some things that deserve their attention and time-spelling names correctly (sorry, no excuses there), sending thank you notes, etc. I will always be thankful to my mother for teaching me how to write a wonderfully personal (definitely not rote) thank you note.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 5:32PM
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I had to snicker how the address is always correct! lol Funny how that happens.

I am afraid acknowledgements of gifts via thank-you notes may be a lost art. After all, this is learned from your mother. Young people who no longer practice this will fail to teach their offspring. Very, very sad. People will eventually be discouraged towards sending gifts.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 7:14PM
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Nah, there's nothing fuddy duddy about this discussion. We're talking about paying attention to detail and using manners.

N2cookin - Those were pretty bad oopsies. I don't know what I would do but I'll admit it would bother me too. And wow...three!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2012 at 10:19PM
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It will be interesting though to see how the thank-you's are addressed (if I even get one).

I laughed out loud at this and thought she is going to be disappointed. I doubt there will be ty notes sent. If you do get a ty, please report back if they had enough sense to copy your correct name off the check. But since they don't know or care if they had it right to begin with, they will probably carry through with their mistakes.

Kill 'em with kindness I say.
I can't imagine they will feel any guilt. They went to very little trouble to solicit money & they were rewarded. I hope you don't spend much on the card. If you're not there to see them pretend to read it, while shaking your check loose, they probably don't even look at the card.

My goodness I'm cynical about our nation's youth this morning.

It was good of you to acknowledge their milestone. Were you a bit tempted to misspell their name on the card?

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 8:16AM
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Well I blame the parents for their stupidity. I somewhat excuse the kid because after all, they're still kids. Didn't want to punish the kid because they don't know any better. But I do wonder how they will address their resumes successfully when they can't even get a grad announcement correct, lol. Still shaking my head...

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 10:54AM
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lynninnewmexico - What a sweet story about your DD. If I ever receive another invitation from a teenager/young adult that does not follow conventions for salutations/addresses, I will think of your story and feel honored that this person cared enough to include me as a guest to celebrate their milestone -- "errors" and all!


    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 11:32AM
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Add me to the list of people who feel honored to be reminbeted and included. Errors and all.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 2:40PM
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Over the past several years, we've received graduation invitations from people we barely even know. I may be in the minority, but I do not feel at all compelled to send a card or a gift to someone I've never met, and perhaps DH has only briefly met once - when the graduate was 5 - at his cousin's house, out of state. Possibly this is a completely different scenario than what any of you are speaking of, but it's what first came to my mind upon reading this thread, as that's precisely the type of invitation we last received. Neither of us even knew who the graduate was until we asked DH's mom. To me, that's just a blatant money solicitation, and I don't feel obligated one little bit.

Bah. Humbug. ;-)

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 4:04PM
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I hear ya, SunnyCottage, and second your Bah humbug.

Something similar to your situation is what came to my mind. A distant relative's kid that I couldn't pick out of a lineup and a neighbor kid that doesn't even acknowledge me at the mailbox have sent me announcements. Not invitations to attend the ceremony (thankfully!) or even a party, just an announcement that they are graduating. Ooookay, good for you, but why are you telling me this? I don't know if you breezed through or struggled. I don't know, and since we don't speak, I have no way of finding out if you're moving on to college, or the military, or sponging off your parents. Did you have to order a box of 50 and you only needed 20 so now you're sending them out willy-nilly?

Now if my bff's daughter would send me an announcement, with errors or not, I would receive it joyfully and willingly give her a gift. I would be happy to make her short list because she is part of my life. Even without receiving an announcement from her, I'll be sending her a gift because I love her and her family.

Maybe I should have a happier heart and accept these things without being cynical. But for some things I have a little lump of black coal where a warm and open heart should be. What seems to be a solicitation for a gift from an almost stranger is one of those things.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 5:54PM
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Jen, that's exactly why we didn't send out announcements for our kids' HS graduations, though my son did complain that all of his friends were getting big cash gifts because they sent announcements. He has just graduated from college at the end of winter term (the ceremony will be in June), and I'm leaving it up to him if he wants to send announcements or not. He started his first "professional" job and it's keeping him so busy that I don't know if he will have the time to do it. He is personally inviting his grandparents and other relatives to the ceremony.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 6:23PM
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tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM

Cyn247, Writing a personal thank you note is one thing I dearly wish I had been taught. I admit that I am rather clumsy with such things and cannot tell you how many times I have sat there with pen and pad trying to come up with something that is not rote. I admit though that I have to roll my eyes when on the phone with my mother when she is complaining about my sisters lack of manners in not sending thank you notes, stating over and over how she taught us the importance of writing them. I do not recall a single occasion when I was required to write one.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 9:00PM
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We did not send announcements for our kids either.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2012 at 11:22PM
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Can I jump back in to add more of my thoughts on graduation announcements? DS graduated from high school 9 years ago. Being our firstborn, we went the announcement route everyone else around us seemed to be going with: buying the regular, formal, pricey ones with the name cards, tissue and inner envelopes, etc. Frankly, they were boring and all basically the same.
I have to admit that when I receive one from a friend's and family's kid like that, I read them and then drop them in the shredder, keeping just the photos if there was one. I'll bet I'm not the only one who does this. And, I still can't figure out why anyone wants to include a name card. We did with DS, but even he thought is was "silly".

Nine years later his little sis is graduating and I love her announcements and so does everyone else, including her! A simple photo card, with two casual photos of her (one in her western hat with our mountains in the background and one a beautiful, casual head shot with her smiling). There's also two pics of beautiful flower close-ups that she loved and since she was designing it, she chose what she wanted. In the middle, just her name and the day she graduates. On the back is just a beautiful quote that she loves and that's very meaningful to her and a big blank space where she could write a personal message. That's it.

We've already received several other personally designed announcements this year and we love them and prop them up to enjoy. I don't see them as a cheap alternative, but rather as a more personal, special choice. Anyhoo, just my own opinion on high school graduation announcements.

Oh, and BTW, we taught our kids at a very young age that all gifts received deserve (and got) a thoughtful, handwritten note mailed to the giver within one week. Starting at three years old, I had them dictate what they wanted to say and then they signed it themselves. Many times what they had to say was pretty hilarious, but I felt that if it came from their hearts, that's all that mattered. And, no one cared if their "signatures" at three or four years old were written across the entire note, sideways and were just a happy scribble (LOL)!

    Bookmark   May 7, 2012 at 11:40AM
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Lynn, if you're daughter wouldn't mind I'd love to see a photo of her announcements.
I made my own graduation announcements way back in 1974 then had them printed. The front had a picture I drew of "me" in my cap and gown kicking my feet up. I can't remember what I put inside them. I also made the announcement cards when our son was born. On the front was a picture I drew of a baby sitting his body facing away, but his little head looking back wards. His little legs were bent to each side.
I wish more kids would make their own announcements. I tired to get out daughter to do so with her wedding invitations, but after my having to do them all with just adding ribbon and making maps I'm happy she didn't. Though we did just sit at the dining table this evening and make the boutonnieres and corsages for the wedding together. That was so nice!
Okay back to the subject at hand.....

    Bookmark   May 9, 2012 at 3:15AM
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Justgotabme: I answered you, posting 2 pics of DD's graduation announcement . . . but I accidentally posted it over on the other side of the message boards. If you still want to see it, the post is addressed to you over there.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2012 at 10:08AM
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Your daughter is very pretty Lynn.

We've never received a custom announcements. What a great idea.

This month I've had two grad announcements, 2 wedding invitations and 1 baby shower invitation! Add two birthdays and Mother's Day and I'm about gifted out! LOL The grads receive money. Especially since one is out of town and I barely know her. Money is safe!


    Bookmark   May 10, 2012 at 10:15AM
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Thank you Lynn. I' head over there and check it out.
Wow Tina, that's allot to have at once!

    Bookmark   May 10, 2012 at 1:13PM
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