Another Mortgage Situation!

queenofmycastle0221May 1, 2006

It looks like if we don't sort this out, I am going to be single again after 12 yrs. Four years ago we put down $25,000 (equity from previous home) towards a $135K new construction home. It was the first home in a restricted neighborhood in a very rural area. As it turns out it is now valued at $225K. This is higher priced than 85% of homes on the market in this area. Back in the winter dh decides he wants to move to a better community and we listed our home. This area is rural and homes take a little more time to sell. We went there made a contigency offer on a home and chose to sit on it for a while. Someone else made an offer on that house and we let it go because ours hadn't sold. We would be going from a 4 yr old home to a 20 yr old home and dh decided to stop looking. We now have a couple of prospective buyers and dh wants to bail on selling. All the time, I kept asking DH to go for a lower priced/size home for us. We have 3000 sf for 3 people and no hope of having another child. I have found a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath home in the neighborhood where my inlaws live. My FIL lost a limb last year and could use a little assistance sometimes that dh could give. We could easily sell our home and pay cash for the other home. I am tired of our huge to me housepayment and would like some freedoms before our son is grown and gone. In addition, we have to look at sending him to college in a few years. Now the part we are fighting about! DH wants to refinance for an additional $15K on top of the $105K left on the mortgage for 30 more years. I don't want to do it!

Am I nuts?

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No, you're not nuts. Why does he want to refinance into more debt?

    Bookmark   May 1, 2006 at 1:25PM
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First you have to settle the question of staying where you are or selling an moving to a smaller house. The refi is really a separate issue contingent upon the first.

By financial temperament, I'm with you. I did exactly what you're suggesting almost three years ago. We sold our last house, netted a big gain and paid cash for our current house. Financially it's a very smart thing to do if you can. Could it be that your husband doesn't want to be that close to his dad and is afraid that helping him out is going to take over his life? Have they gotten along well in the past? It sounds like it's not a cool headed analysis of the options that's driving your husbands wishes, but something more emotional. If that's true, you need to have a conversation with him about what's really going on.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2006 at 1:35PM
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The truth is he doesn't want to give up the house. He thinks an older home will require more for him to do around the house. We bought a fixer upper the first time around and I had to hire someone to come in and do the work all of which he was capable of doing. Its all about materal wants, brick, etc.etc. I guess he thinks that big house makes him more of a man?

We had one row with his parents several years ago but other than that it is fine.

He just doesn't want to downgrade. The other home is priced at $89,900. It has a new roof and heat pump but has older siding. Obviously it is smaller but I have heard nothing else but fixing up this car and wanting a motorcycle for the past two years. Well this way he could have them without us being in the poor house. I take care of all of our finances even though I am not good at them. We have about $4k of cc debt which I am just about to get paid off. He seems to think we only have to pay for the big things. The little things don't count!

    Bookmark   May 1, 2006 at 1:45PM
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It's very difficult for a couple when one wants to live frugally and save money and the other one doesn't. Somehow you need to get him to see that taking on more mortgage debt so that he can have some new toys isn't responsible when you have college expenses coming up and your retirement to think about. You have to get him focused on those longer term goals.

Maybe a neutral third party, like a financial planner would help him see what the issues are. Just be sure to find a fee only planner who won't just be trying to sell you mutual funds or insurance.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2006 at 2:30PM
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Okay! We had a major heart to heart yesterday and for once I think he is actually listening to me. He called his dad and asked him to talk to the owners for us. It has actually been listed but we kind of wanted to view it privately before our realtor (same office) knows that we are thinking of doing a major price drop on ours. In addition to make sure it is not horrible on the inside. I am willing to live with a little "oldness" in the home until the time came we could update it.

Keep your fingers crossed!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2006 at 10:33AM
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Wouldn't you know it! Dh is actually making plans to do it and then....the little old lady in the house says she has changed her mind and doesn't want to sell right now. She told Jimmy that she was taking it off the market but if she changed her mind, (her son bought them a bigger home in the area) we would get first offer.

I am floored! After going through the process of him seeing reason, it just fell through. I have looked at all other prospects in the area but haven't found anything that would work for us.

But, since the sign is still there, maybe she will change her mind again.


    Bookmark   May 10, 2006 at 12:12PM
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The idea of your husband wanting a"big house" because it may make him feel like a man is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous...I have lived my entire life in smaller homes, 1st one was 1700sf, 2nd 2100sf, and new one is 4500sf..I don't feel any different becuase i have increased my sf of living space. I don't care if someone has a larger or smaller home then myself..SO many people on these boards make negative comments on people ho choose to live in alrger homes, that perhaps it is just the opposite, THEY wish they could have the larger home? I surely hope that is not the case

    Bookmark   May 10, 2006 at 1:27PM
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"Smaller" is relative! We are trying to sell my father-in-law's house, where they raised 4 kids - 937 sq ft. We are also selling our old house 1447 sq ft. Now we are in our "big" house with Dad here too - 1675 sqft.

Alicia, I feel for you! I can't imagine having such a different opinion about finances and homes with a husband. I wish you the best and hope your target house does come your way.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2006 at 12:33AM
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