Follow up to WHY I didn't want kids at our party.

ilovepinkDecember 3, 2006

As you guys know it was suppose to be an adult party only.

One couple still showed up with their toddler.

All night I could hear the mother saying to her husband "You have to watch her too." They chased their child from one end of my house to the other all night.

They would ask our friends where their little ones were and everyone would reply with a sitter.

Their child ate out of our trash can. Shook the tree and knocked off ornaments. Then broke something in the house. I had food set up everywhere and the child was in each display of food. It was nightmarish.

Next year I will have to address this better. But, it was not something that anyone let break the party mood if they could. But, the people at our house that had kids were not happy to deal with a child running around and having to worry about picking up wine glasses.

I also got compliments for handling it very well. I think the wine I had helped!

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nancylouise_gw

You point out very well why children should not be at an adult party. I doubt the parents had as good a time as they would have if "little Janie" was home with a sitter. Hopefully they felt dumb being the only one with a child at your party and will learn from it. It sounds like you handled it very well. I wouldn't have said anything to them, but boy the looks I would have been giving when the child was sticking her hands into the food! Yuck! Glad your party was a success. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 11:56AM
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ilovepink

OHHHHHHH

I almost forgot to tell the best part. When they were leaving with their screaming child who was way past her bed time. They said to me "Next year this party will be so different. There will be a ton of kids here."

So I guess they still didn't get that it was adults only.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 12:06PM
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chase_gw

What a strange thing to say. I wonder what ever could have made them think that next year would include more children?

Doesn't sound as if anyone at the party was aching for their children or annoyed they couldn't come to the party. Very strange indeed.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 1:17PM
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ilovepink

You know I have to wonder if because they were the only ones with a child there that the comments and praises of how cute their little one was went to their head.

I know they are in love with her. So maybe they think everyone is just as in love and that she is an exception to the rule?

I don't know. I agree it is strange that they assumed next year kids would be involved.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 2:30PM
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lowspark

It just never ceases to amaze me how people can think that their child's misbehavior is ok. And I'm sure people made the cute comments for lack of knowing what else to say!

To me, this simply confirms that you have to spell out what you feel strongly about in your invitation. If everyone understood that a cocktail party is for adults only, then yes, it might be sort of rude to blatantly write that on the invitation.

But clearly, everyone does not understand that. So, you can choose to say it right out, or suffer in silence when people choose to make their own interpretation.

I have to say that if this child were in my house I would have taken the mother aside and politely suggested that this party was not the ideal spot for junior, and if the child couldn't sit still, it might be best for them to call it a night.

Rude? Yeah, maybe, but to me, no where near as rude as allowing a child to wreak havoc over my house including shaking the tree(!), breaking things (!!!) and touching the food! No thanks.

If you choose to invite this couple next year, I'd make very certain they understood that no minors are allowed. As I said in your previous thread, I have two teenagers, so I'm coming from the point of view of the parent. It irks me no end to see parents who don't understand that there ARE places where children simply don't belong.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 3:03PM
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okieladybug

Unbelievable! Their comment was VERY strange! I'd certainly reconsider inviting them next year, if they think their child (and others) are invited next year. If you still want to include them, I'd make absolutely certain they knew their child was not invited and if they still showed up with little Susie in tow, I'd have to ask them to leave. Their behavior is completely inappropriate.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 3:42PM
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maggie2094

I don't understand this entire situation. The problem lies with the host in my opinion. It is your party so make it crystal clear - no kids. Why is that a problem? No exceptions...period. How could your guest make that last comment if she was told "no children". Very odd, indeed.

Sorry, can't help but get a chuckle out of the comment that toddler hands in the food and so on is "nightmarish". The horror!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 4:00PM
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gellchom

The most important thing is that YOU did the right thing by not saying anything to them. They were wrong to bring her, but you were a polite and gracious host. I'm sure you're glad you didn't say all the things that came to mind!

Next time, I still wouldn't put "adults only" on the invitation -- and it sounds like you don't need to, anyway, as "cocktails" got the message to everyone but this family. You might write a short note on their invitation like "we regret we cannot accomodate children" or mention when you happen to be talking to them that although you love little Susie, please this year get a sitter as it isn't fair to allow only one couple to bring a child, but you "just can't" have kidz at this party, so won't they please "help you out" by making sure they leave themselves enough time to get a sitter?

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 4:31PM
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ilovepink

Maggie you said it is with me as the host that there is a problem.

The first year I did this party I understood when the mother had a nursing baby to deal with who did not take a bottle as long as the baby stayed in a bedroom in a seperate part of our house.

This year when this came up I did not say it was okay at all for her to bring her child. In fact we even sent out an email of reminder to get a sitter.

Gellchom I agree placing "adult only" would be rude on the invite.

Next year I'm sending them out again early. But, will say "book your sitter now for our annual holiday party." Then I'll write a little note and say basically what you have.

I still can't believe that an invitation when addressed to a couple does not get the point across. It doesn't say family on it! Grrrrr.

Yes it was nightmarish to see this child with their hand in the cheese, the crackers, shrimp cocktails, nuts, chocolates. It was just gross was what it was.

Even our dog was not safe from this child. She stole the dogs food and ate it!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 6:40PM
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maggie2094

It is certainly your peragative to have an adults only party. The part I don't understand is why "tiptoe" around it and have to "esplain" yourself. In your desire to be polite to one guest (who may or may not be a little dim?) you are in turn being rude to the other guests. I did read your other thread and it seemed like you in part anticipated this to happen. So, why not spell it out to be clear?

It is perfectly acceptable to put "adults only party" on an invitation. There is being polite and there is being a doormat. Why subject yourselves to a nightmarish experience to be polite.

This is from a wedding site:

Indicate that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adults Only Reception" or "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time on the invitation.

Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception.

If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so.

You know I have to wonder if because they were the only ones with a child there that the comments and praises of how cute their little one was went to their head.
I know they are in love with her. So maybe they think everyone is just as in love and that she is an exception to the rule?

Most parents think the sun sets on their children.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 7:44PM
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carla35

You know there does come a point where it is ok if you said something...at least in a round about way.

I know it's easier to think after the fact, but to her remark:
"Next year this party will be so different. There will be a ton of kids here"

I would have responded, "Oh, no, 'Next Year' there will NO kids at all. We are planning on having an adults only party". It's to the point, not blaming her for this year and hopefully will resolve the issue.

I certainly hope she wasn't talking to other guests about bringing their kids next year. I could almost hear her..."You should bring Tommy and Julie next year, I'm sure ilovepink wouldn't mind she's more than happy that we brought our little angel...."

Good luck...I too suggest IF you do invite her next year, write specifically on her invitation "ADULTS ONLY". I don't care if it's proper or not, at this point it needs to be done, IMHO.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 8:02PM
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earthlydelights

pink, i was one to read and comment on your original post.
i am certainly glad you were able to keep your composure, i don't know that i would have. i'm not always the most diplomatic at times, especially when it comes to undisciplined behavior in all ages.

i like your idea on the wording for next year, but i also concern myself that she did speak with other guests and they felt if so and so can bring her kid, why can't i? i hope next year everyone understands.

i take it you never blocked off the tree in any way?

happy holidays to you!

maryanne

    Bookmark   December 5, 2006 at 7:31PM
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ilovepink

All the guests that were there that have kids didn't think it was okay for them to have their child there and they actually are all pushing me to make sure next year there are not kids there. I am not too concerned.

They still made themselves look foolish.

Again people never cease to amaze me. :)

    Bookmark   December 5, 2006 at 9:25PM
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lindac

I think the mother's remark about "next year there will be a ton of kids" shows that she thinks this is a family party....and theya re the only ones that have a child....yet! And next year all the guests will be trailing their little ones.
I might consider next year putting a note in "certain" invitations, saying.."We will be contacting a sitter for those of you who will bringing children, the cost will be shared. She charges $20 an hour. The maximum number of childers will be 4. Please let us know if you will be availing your self of her services. She will expect to be paid when you pick up your child.
Crude and rude? Yeah!....but bringing a toddler to an adult party is also crude and rude....unless, of course, you will be holding that child in your arms the whole time!
Linda C

    Bookmark   December 8, 2006 at 11:48PM
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triciae

Maybe, your guest meant she was preggers with quads! lol

I agree...it's obvious that this particular person needs more "persuassion" to get a sitter. I'd include the "Adults Only Reception" on the invitation & a hand-written note on this person's card..."Sorry, we can't accommodate "what's his name" this year.

Hope, overall, it was great party!

Tricia

    Bookmark   December 11, 2006 at 1:10PM
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gardener64

I am a mother and always had a party at my house for christmas, my son went to his grandmothers and I always said on the invite that it was adults only, I had a friend bring her 17 year old "Oh sh'e going to drive home"
Then they thought I should let her sit in my bedroom and watch TV and play on the computer NO
I have 2 dogs and they were in the bedroom and adjoinging porch so she sat in the living room and someone told a vulgar joke and the mom got offended
I finally had to ask the mom to send daughter home and call her when she wanted to leave, she left then. I talked to her thruough out the year and nothing ever came up
I invited everyone again this year and wrote ADULTS ONLY
NO ONE UNDER 21, alcohol will be served!
its this Saturday we will see what happens

    Bookmark   December 13, 2006 at 10:50AM
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ilovepink

Good for you.

Let us know what happens.

On another topic what is it with people thinking that people wouldn't mind others being on their personal computers?

    Bookmark   December 13, 2006 at 12:55PM
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gardener64

I don't know pink, my computer is very off limits to everyone, I have friends who when they are over say hey can I check my email and I turn the internet on and stand right there
I have all my private info in folders on my desktop and my photo albums on there, nothing raunchy but some pics of hubby modeling underwear or whatever that no one needs to look at
And these are only my closest friends
never have I gone into someones house and asked but some people have to stay connected.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2006 at 2:19PM
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gardener64

I had my ADULT ONLY party last night, no one under 21 was there, my son is now 21 and he even left for the night, came home about midnight socialized for 1/2 hour or so and went to bed, it was great,The party was a ball I fully beleive adults need time to themselves so an adult only party is the way to go.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2006 at 11:09AM
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columbusgardener

When she said that there will be tons of kids next year - I would have had to ask if it would be at her house? She was the nursing mom the year prior? maybe she has a Madonna complex and wells she was just portraying the perfect mother by taking her child with her everywhere.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2007 at 1:36PM
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bnicebkind

I have known a mother or two over the years who was also clueless and would bring their toddler to an adult dinner party, or adult cocktail parties. Some people are simply clueless. Even when it is obvious that their child is disrupting the party, they do nothing. I think that they are simply very self centered, and uncaring or unaware about other people. I mentioned on another thread that I was at a very formal, expensive wedding, and this couple had a two year old having a screaming, temper tantrum that lasted through the ENTIRE wedding. They were in the fifth pew and it could not be ignored. This couple was absolutely clueless. They never took the child out of the church!!! they actually allowed their two year old to ruin someone's entire wedding ceremony!!! I imagine that the bride, groom, and both families are furious every time they think about this clueless couple, and instead of happy memories of their wedding, they must feel rage towards this couple.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2007 at 10:30PM
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jessyf

I agree with everyone else about your graciousness in taking the high road - good for you - I would have turned them away at the door or asked them to leave once the hands were in the food and felt bad about it.

One more point in putting 'Adults only' on the invitation is that it might make your other guests feel more comfortable knowing the litte wretch er angel won't be there!

    Bookmark   January 8, 2007 at 4:38AM
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hamptonmeadow

Ultimately this is to me the new "motherhood" where children are cosseted and protected ("I can't hang a picture on the wall next to the crib because it might fall on the baby" or buy ahouse with a swmming pool cause the child might drown) in ways that are beyond bordering on the absurd.

We had a friend who married one of the most fun, charismatic and bright women I have ever met. Then she had a child. She brought the child to our adult only party and was so absorbed in this kid that her entire personality had been erased. It was the most tragic thing for her husband who eventually left her.

I am not fond of today's toddlers because they are raised with no manners. You might say that toddlers are too young to have manners, but my children did not bang on furniture, stick their hands into food, or run wild through the rooms. We did not know to childproof and our kids knew to stay out of certain places. We didn't play with them 12 hours a day and they were left to their own devices while chores, personal time and other things were done. That resulted in children who were curious, had an imagination, weren't glued to the TV and knew how to play. And be by themselves and enjoy it. How novel! And the same with my friend's children.
This is new phenomenon. We won't invite people with kids any more. The kids are little monsters and I don't need that disruption in my life.

    Bookmark   January 9, 2007 at 3:13PM
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black-thumb

(((((I mentioned on another thread that I was at a very formal, expensive wedding, and this couple had a two year old having a screaming, temper tantrum that lasted through the ENTIRE wedding. They were in the fifth pew and it could not be ignored. This couple was absolutely clueless. They never took the child out of the church!!! they actually allowed their two year old to ruin someone's entire wedding ceremony!!! ))))))

Ok if I were the bride I would have asked the Pastor/photographer/videographer to stop and asked the woman to take her child out of the church. No way would that have been going on during my wedding.

Now on another note I have to say I commend all of you mothers who understand about adults only. I have to say on most message boards (that I have visited anyway) when something like this is said mothers get in an uproar and are highly offended. It is very nice to see that not all women are like this. I was beginning to wonder.

Ilovepink glad your party wasn't totally ruined and it all turned out well. As for her departing comment either she is clueless, selfish or it was her way of trying to make light of it all since she felt so stupid.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2007 at 9:13AM
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lowspark

Ok if I were the bride I would have asked the Pastor/photographer/videographer to stop and asked the woman to take her child out of the church. No way would that have been going on during my wedding.

It might be a very difficult thing for a bride to do that. However, SOMEONE should have. If there were ushers, they could, or any relative of the bride or groom could go over and escort these people out. In fact, that's probably a good thing to think of in advance. If children are to be invited to the wedding OR if it's suspected that children will be brought, invited or not, assign someone to be in charge of policing the congregation. If a child gets out of hand, the person should, as quietly as possible, escort the parent & child out.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2007 at 1:15PM
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cherylnsw

"Next year this party will be so different. There will be a ton of kids here."

Umm I'm sorry but you might not know, have to see if we even invite you.

As mean as that might sound, I have a feeling you may be thinking twice over inviting.

As for bringing a child over and saying that they can sit in your bedroom during the party, I definitely would not have that, my bedroom is my haven. I am still smarting from DH letting his cousin use our ensuite shower, that should be for our personal use.

I don't have many dinner parties - I've hosted one but have been peeved when people have brought their kids over and let them do what they want. One child threw himself onto a chair of mine, from a distance then complained that it had hurt - the chair was actually broken. I told him that it wouldn't have hurt if he had simply sat down on it. Same kid was given a glass of water at someone elses house and promptly turned it upside down over the carpet because he didn't like water, his mother was laughing when she told me that. Another child had found my vacuum wand and was swinging it around, I caught it in time before it smashed into a glass dome clock, his mother just turned to me and said "Oh he's already broken my one" as if I should expect him to break mine.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2007 at 11:07AM
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