RSVP Question

carla35December 3, 2006

We received an invitation to a Holiday party. It says...

Regrets or Directions

555-1212 (their phone number)

I take it that means Regrets only, right? So, there is no need to call if we are going, right?

I did think about calling to see what we could bring in the way of food but we are going to be out that day, and I don't want to have to rearrange things to bring something special she would like. I'd hate to offer and then have to say no to something. I would rather just make in advance and bring a hostess gift (like some bread or cookies). If it makes any difference, I hardly know her.

So, do I need to call???? Thanks.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

No need to call.

    Bookmark   December 3, 2006 at 10:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I agree that when the hosts put "regrets" or "regrets only" on the invitation, they mean they aren't expecting you to call unless you are NOT coming. But I think it couldn't hurt anyway to call (or e-mail or write) and tell them that you are coming and are looking forward to their party.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 1:56PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I would call anyway, if for no other reason than to touch base.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 3:44PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

There are two reasons I don't want to call. First being I think often people use "Regrets Only" instead on normal RVSPing because they specifically "don't" want to be bothered with phone calls and people touching base. I feel if I call that no matter what kind of message I may leave, she may still be confused if I am coming or not since she requested (more or less) only to call if you are not coming.

Second, I have to admit, I have never really talked to this woman before and I'm not even sure she knows who I am. She is a parent of a child in my kid's class and I guess I just don't feel comfortable calling her if it's not needed. I wouldln't think twice if it were a friend or relative. It's just a strange predicament for me, and I wanted to make sure I was understanding the invitation correctly.

Thanks for your advice.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 4:38PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I agree that I'd call simply to make sure she knows I'm coming to avoid any misunderstanding when I arrive at the door. Especially considering you don't know her very well, it's a good way to let her know you got the invitation.

"Regrets or Directions" almost implies to me that she does want a call if you're coming -- she expects those who ARE coming to call for directions.

I'm not sure I understand your hesitancy. She may not know you but assuming she addressed the invitations, you're surely on her list. Sort of like when you give a shower, bridal or baby, you might not know all the people the bride/mother-to-be has invited, but you have a list of their names so you can check off the RSVPs.

I think I'd call and say, Hi, this is carla35. I wanted to thank you for your invitation and let you know that mr. carla35 and I will attend. We look forward to seeing you.

Nothing confusing about that.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 4:54PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

So, people don't use "regrets only" to ward off everyone calling? That's why I thought people used it!

I have to admit, I never use it. I much prefer to know my invitations are received.

I really don't think she expects everyone to call for the "directions" -- do people still do that with the inventions of "driving directions"? This is a school related party and we all live in like a one or two mile radius of the school...almost everyone knows every neighborhood and street around here. I would feel absolutely stupid asking for directions.

I guess it wouldn't really hurt to call. But, I'm just leaning away from it. I really don't want to have to offer to bring anything and if I call would feel compelled to. And, I think this is the same family that had a pool party years back that sent home a flyer with my son about the party. We couldn't go, so I called to tell her, and she acted like I was odd for calling to tell her we couldn't make it.

I guess I'm not after what's the "best" thing to do, I just want to make sure I'm not doing the "wrong" thing by not calling.

Thanks again; I don't usually have so much trouble with RSVPing!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 7:00PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Carla, I wouldn't call.
(unless you need directions. lol)

    Bookmark   December 4, 2006 at 7:47PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

regrets is just that...i regret i can't make it.
there is no need to call.

emily post, the "authority" on etiquette states:

From the French, it means "Répondez, sÂil vous plaît," or, "Please reply." This little code has been around for a long time and itÂs definitely telling you that your hosts want to know if you are attending. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation.

2. How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.

RSVP and no response card: a handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope.
Response Card: fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope.
RSVP with phone number: telephone and make sure to speak in person  answering machines can be unreliable.
RSVP with email: you may accept or decline electronically.
Regrets only: reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesnÂt hear from you, he is expecting you!
No reply requested? Unusual, but it is always polite to let someone know your intentions. A phone call would be sufficient.

enjoy the party!

Here is a link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   December 5, 2006 at 7:41PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Holiday dinner with divorced inlaws.
Once again it is a holiday dinner coming up and I always...
What would you do?
The setting: Ladies gathered for coffee and chatting......
Two sides to every RSVP
Deleted This post was edited by Jewel654 on Sun, Dec...
Young teens and birthday parties
Anyone on here a parent of a young teen (13-14 years...
Preparing Roasted Chicken Beforehand
Hi! I have been reading posts from here for a while,...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™