Monopolizing conversation with trivialities

SAG1December 24, 2002

Recently at a dinner party, we were engaged in conversation about one friend's trip to Europe after the fall of the Berline Wall. She remarked on the state of housing and deprivation in East Germany, including such seemingly mundande issues as plumbing. At this point, one of the guests, who had never been anywhere outside of her hometown and to work, resorted to her attention-getting tactics by hyping up with no warning, "Speaking of toilets, mine has been backed up for three days. The landlord does nothing." She was met with an instantaneous silence as we all shared glances of knowing disbelief as to why she uttered such an inane non sequitur.

How do we handle this in the future as this is one of many times. Yes, this is the same rude hostess.

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duckie

Why do you continue to go to dinners thrown at this woman's home? It seems the most obvious and easy way to deal with people you dislike, is to avoid them, unless absolutely necessary.

    Bookmark   December 24, 2002 at 7:22PM
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lakeeffect

Hi Sag1,

I was just wondering (after reading your various stories about this woman), that maybe this lady might have a mental disorder. It sounds like she doesn't follow what everyone else would consider "socially acceptable behavior". I think there are a few mental disorders that involve "attention getting tactics". Possibly this is the reason for her rude behavior.

Although...One other possible reason that she may not be on the same wavelength during conversations is that she may have a hearing problem. I know of a few people with hearing problems that will often jump in with seemingly out of line comments while others are still speaking because they can't tell what the "current" topic is.

I can only give you small advice if it is a hearing problem...and that would be to have the person speaking turn toward her while speaking (and make sure they don't have their hands in front of their mouths while speaking). If it is an apparent mental disorder, I can't give you any advice since I've had little experience with that.

    Bookmark   December 24, 2002 at 10:36PM
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goodtastenomoney

For you to continue to accept this woman's dinner invitations and then repeatedly post complaints about her is the height of rudeness. You amaze me!

    Bookmark   December 25, 2002 at 11:51AM
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jasper_austin

Is making an off the wall comment "monopolizing" a conversation? Maybe the woman thought the person with the trip to Europe was monopolizing things.
Anyway, if you want to "handle" it, someone acknowledges the comment with a "that's to bad" or "how frustrating for you," and then goes back to the other topic by asking a question of the European traveler, or the traveler says, "yes, that's just what the East Berlinners were facing as a whole communitie. . . " or whatever.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2002 at 6:28AM
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suzieque

I'm confused - for a couple of reasons.

First, as asked above, why in the world do you socialize with these people when you don't like them? You repeatedly post complaints about them, then go back for more.

Second, you said that it was one of the guests who "resorted to her attention-getting tactics ...", then you said it was the rude hostess. Guest or hostess?

I'm sure you're a lovely lady, but between your posts here about this hostess and your posts on other forums about your niece, her daughter, your sister's MIL, etc., sounds like you have a lot of objections to the people around you. Perhaps you would be happier with a different social circle? Or is it, perhaps, you that needs a bit of attention? That's not intended to be sarcasm - - lots of people need attention, but there are good ways and not so good ways to get it.

My best to you as you work through the issues with your friends, family, and self.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2002 at 8:25AM
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Julie_MI_Z5

It doesn't sound to me like the comment was meant to be attention-getting, more like a desperate attempt to try to join in a conversation and become part of a group that probably excluded her. The subject was (vaguely) plumbing, and she added her personal experience--one with which she thought others would have a common experience.

Or perhaps she thought the European trip conversation to be long and boring to the group? (We all know people who can make your eyes glaze over from the moment they start recounting their last vacation...)

If this was, in fact, another guest, just let it go (this could be a dear friend of the hostess and she is used to the oddities).

If it was the hostess, start declining invitations if this is an ongoing problem and ruins the evening for you.

Whatever you do, be kind... this person could be quite shy and uncomfortable in a social setting. Icy stares and such will not be constructive long-term, know what I mean?

    Bookmark   December 27, 2002 at 5:41PM
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Alice_sj

Julie,
You just made me feel a whole lot better! I am painfully shy at times and have occassionally made such a desperate attempt to be included in the conversation. It's really had to be part of a group that is ignoring you. In my case, I was attempting to add something to the conversation not hog attention. I am glad to know that some people understand that. It's really hard when you make an attempt to join the conversation and are completely ignored or just stared at.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2002 at 11:10PM
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suzieque

HI SAG1 - I have another question/observation. Many of your posts on this and the other forums are, excuse me, toilet-related. To quickly name just 3: your neice's daughter gets up in the middle of the night to sneakily hang inappropriate things, such as toilet paper rolls, onto the Christmas tree. You go to dinner and a guest gets accused of intentionally clogging up the toilet (and actually, in that same thread, you commented that another guest had some experience with a person putting pantyhose in her toilet). In this thread, a woman tells a group of people about her plugged up toilet.

Do you have any ideas of why these people are all fixated on toilets?

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 7:50AM
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adrienneliq

I'm sorry...but that sounds so snobbish...I know...that's harsh. It's just that you attempted to use every SAT word in the book to write your post only to degrade the woman whom you were talking about. I've never understood people like you...this woman probably felt uncomfortable with the conversation...you yourself said she's never been out of her home town...imagine never having the good fortune to travel and then being stuck in a room full of uptight, snot-nosed yuppies that go on and on on with their dribble about their experiences abroad! This was obviously an uncomfortable moment for her that ended up with her just making some sort of joke or off-color remark in order to change the (most likely) obnoxiously boring conversation you were engaged in!

Lighten up and get over yourself!

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 8:16AM
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SAG1

To Suzieque: MYODB. What do you do, follow everyone's posts and assume connections that may or may not exist?

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 10:47AM
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goodtastenomoney

Actually SAG1, I reread all your posts last night for kicks-you certainly are interesting!!
My question is not why you continue to go to this woman's parties but rather why she would continue to invite you.....

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 11:02AM
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Cindy_Mac

Is it just me, or does anyone else doubt the authenticity of these party posts?

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 12:05PM
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suzieque

Hmmmmm ... let's see ... she repeatedly publicly posts bizaar anecdotes, then says "mind your own d*mned business" when people see through it.

Yes, I doubt the authenticity, but it doesn't matter - - if that's her way of getting attention and adding some spice to her life, I don't think it hurts anyone. And maybe it gives her some pleasure.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 1:21PM
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chase_gw

Oh , I'm quite sure this is a way of getting attention and it's working !

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 4:35PM
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ann_t

SAG1 your response to Suzieque sounds very similar to the type of response a person on the BBQ forum use to have to any post that he/she didn't like. Did you also post there under a variety of other names?

Ann.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 5:12PM
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teeweeone

just a thought..when you post something on the web it becomes everyones business....

    Bookmark   December 28, 2002 at 5:30PM
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Julie_MI_Z5

Alice,

Good! I'm glad to hear you feel better. The people who ignore or stare when you (awkwardly) try to join a conversation are just... well... snobby and rude. When I run into people who respond that way to anyone, I usually avoid them afterwards. Let's face it: Cruel and insensitive people are not the kind of people *I* would want to call my friends.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2002 at 8:49AM
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lindac

Interesting......I read through some othjer posts......and recognize the style!
Intiates a thread, always with a complaint of some sort, and never adds to any thread but one that she/he has started.
Some do return from Disney....or get a new ISP and post again.
Linda C

    Bookmark   December 29, 2002 at 1:03PM
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SAG1

Well, I don't post on the BBQ forum. The infamous SuzieQ I know from other forums in which she purposely set out torment me as an anon poster. And the anecdotes in this case are NOT fictitious, but why should I have to justify? As usual, the usual hounds are out baying for my blood. Happens on every forum.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2002 at 9:34PM
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Cindy_Mac

Imagine this will cease to be an issue once this forum becomes paid subscriber only.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2002 at 10:25PM
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suzieque

>> The infamous SuzieQ I know from other forums in which she purposely set out torment me as an anon poster

Huh? I have never, ever posted anonymously. In fact, I rarely post, and I don't *think* I've ever posted a response to one of yours before. And I don't torment people, SAG1 - - in fact, I think I was quite kind and sympathetic to you in this thread.

Apparently I have become your target because I pointed out a couple of things that others had already noticed. Interesting.

I just asked some questions .... which were, now that I think of it, not answered.

Again, my best to you. I'm done with this topic and on to reality.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2002 at 9:27AM
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SAG1

Yes, but not on this forum. You've posted on others, and have always had it in for me, the infamous Zia S. EH!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bookmark   December 30, 2002 at 7:51PM
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BeverlyAL

Cindy Mac, I'm in agreement with you on doubting the authenticity of the posts. Everything is about toilets too.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2002 at 10:32AM
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lindac

Well....not everything is about toilets......but she's posted some strange stuff here.
Put "SAG1" into the search box and click "search all the forums"....you'll be amazed at the wierd stuff.......and I only skimmed the results.
I think it's all made up for shock value.
Linda C

    Bookmark   December 31, 2002 at 11:47AM
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suzieque

Sorry, SAG1 - you've got the wrong person. I'm not whomever Zia is or was - - I've only ever been Suzieque, on this or any other forum. So your persecution conclusion has some holes in it .... it's not me.

(I know I said I was done with this thread ... but your "EH?????" was so comical, you clearly thought you'd "caught" me, that I just had to let you know to keep looking for the culprit - - the elusive Zia.)

Sorry to disappoint you. I wish you a happy new year.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2003 at 1:19PM
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BeverlyAL

Persecution Complex?

    Bookmark   January 2, 2003 at 10:01AM
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goodtastenomoney

SAG1 is a SAD1 all right.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2003 at 7:12PM
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SAG1

Well, the previous poster is the SAD1, to take the time to do a search. So what? The theme last year was toilets. I can think of better tasks to perform for amusement than making up posts about toilets. I posted all of them because it is true, and truth is stranger than fiction. EH!!!!!!!!!!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2003 at 8:44PM
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goodtastenomoney

SAG1 What's up with the EH!!!! Do you actually say that in your conversations?

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 8:46AM
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SAG1

EH! And so what if I do? EH! EH! EH! Just to annoy you. And by the way, I said to my sister-in-law, I am not interested in the tupperware.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 10:40AM
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akaDenise

I can't believe I'm seeing this!

"EH! EH! EH! Just to annoy you."

We're grownups here. Grownups don't use the methods of 8 year olds to argue. Please stop this behavior, you are really creeping me out.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 11:42AM
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fancypants2

I sometimes have trouble with people monopolizing the conversation with tupperware. For instance the other week I was talking about someone being lazy, and this woman piped up about her new pastel pink lazy susan she got from tupperware, and that's all we heard about for the rest of the conversation.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 11:45AM
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lindac

LOL!! What a wonderful source of entertainment!! I can hardly tear myself away!...( speaking of trivialities!)
Linda C

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 12:08PM
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Bumblebeez SC Zone 7

This is amazing! I only dropped in here because I was bored but this more interesting than "what color to paint my walls" and " how to prune..." !

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 3:26PM
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chase_gw

Thats why they call this the Entertainment Forum! It's oft times laughable!

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 4:03PM
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SAG1

Who wants to be a grown up? Perhaps if you discovered the child within, you would loosen up.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 6:31PM
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akaDenise

That's it - your inner child needs a time out. A loooong time out.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 7:13PM
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goodtastenomoney

Sag1-Does your child within hang toliet paper rolls off the Xmas tree, freeze mice, have a teacher who draws the bladder on the board everyday, flush pantyhose down the toliet and chase the dog with a spatula etc etc etc???

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 7:41PM
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SAG1

Goodtasteofmoney: that's what you lack, taste.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 7:46PM
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stacey446

If you are bickering the web master will kick you off this site.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 9:00PM
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ramona

Sag1,

This unfortunate guest made a comment containing 15 words.
Can you explain to me exactly how that "momopolizes"
the conversation?

    Bookmark   January 5, 2003 at 10:32AM
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akaDenise

stacey446,

Thanks for the reminder!

Denise

    Bookmark   January 5, 2003 at 7:10PM
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stacey446

welcome denise..!!! lol...
you will also get a message telling you to stop it!!
lol

    Bookmark   January 5, 2003 at 7:11PM
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publickman

Denise, what reason do you have to believe that some of these people actually are over eight years old? I don't think there is an age limit or that this is an adults only site; correct me if I am wrong.

I found this thread very confusing from the very first post, and I read further hoping to find out what the original intention was, but I'm still not sure. At first, I thought it was the person telling the story about Berlin who was the source of the complaint. I liked the comment from the "interrupter". But then I've always enjoyed non sequitors, and I find them more amusing than most other types of conversation. I like parties where conversations branch out rather than focus on one narrow topic. Were the people glued to their chairs or what? Unless you are married to a particular clique, it seems that people would want to regroup several times during a party. Static parties tend to be a bit on the dull side, and I would tend to leave a party if most of the people are too rigid.

Thanks for the entertainment - that's why I cam here!

Lars

    Bookmark   January 7, 2003 at 8:21PM
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kris_mi

Lars,
I'm with you. I was embarrassed to discover that the person who was the "annoying" one was the gal who made the hilarious comment about her toilet! I thought the one monopolizing the conversation was the person who kept on about "mundane" issues.
Then I thought the rude hostess was one of the people who stopped "with instantaneous silence and shared glances of knowing disbelief".
Well, to each his own. At least at my house there'd be no "shared glances of knowing disbelief" that would make someone uncomfortable, especially for trying to join the conversation that was being monopolized. HEEHEE.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2003 at 7:25PM
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