Over Hostesssing?

mandy_gNovember 1, 2007

Hi Folks!

I usually am in other forums and only just lurk here, but I had a question for all of you great people...

Do you ever do to dinner parties where the hostess "overhostesses"? What I mean by that is all the guests have sat down to dinner and the hostess is up running around "Do you need more _____?", "You don't have enough ______. Let me get you some", etc. By the time she has sat down for the dinner, everyone else is finished and would like to get up and mingle, but feel awkward in doing so and leaving her there by herself. I realize this is the case, because the guests always pipe up and say, "We're fine, just sit down and eat". Then some folks (the men normally - go figure :)) leave the table, but the women stay, but say things like, "When we're done here, remind me to show you ______."

The bottom line is that she just plain makes me nervous hovering like she does, and I would assume she makes everyone else that way as well. What would you do?

And for the record, this is my MIL, so not going over there anymore is not an option.

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I suspect that's "just the way she is"....and I know drives me nuts! I know someone who stands by you when you are drinking your iced tea or whatever else she has offered and wipes the wet spot off the table every time you pick up the glass!
Try saying something like "Mom, why don't I help you get things on the table so we all can sit down together and we don't have to wait for you to finish?" and while she is still eating and everyone else is finished and watching her smack her lips, say...Excuse me...I'll get started getting the desserts out while you wait for Mon to finish her dinner.
My son's MIL pulls those stunts...so not all holiday dinners are at their house....
It won't help...but you will know you have tried!
By the way, this is a control issue. This is her way of showing she is in control and making sure everyone focuses on her for a while at least.
The lady wouldn't by any chance be a Jewish Bubbe now would she? They seem to learn that kind of behavior at their mother's knee....it's a standard joke along with taking rolls home and Chinese restraunt shrimp!
Your best bet is to plan for it and take your knitting!

    Bookmark   November 1, 2007 at 7:10PM
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LindaC, I can't believe you said that!

    Bookmark   November 2, 2007 at 9:30AM
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I just found this forum recently and am loving it. I now know that what SIL does has a name: over hostessing! It's so perfect. But SIL has added a dimension. Over hostessing is acompanied by wipes of her brow, deep breaths, and pretending she's distracted. It's quite a show. We are all to be amazed at her prowess!

Then there is the "encore performance". She tells everyone every darned step she took to buy, cook and present the feast. The audience has to roar its approval. Again and again. Truly, she even gives us the directions to the supermarket. I swear.

Then, the finale is when her husband has left everyone and spends the rest of the evening in the kitchen cleaning up, refusing assistance (which I think is rude, but that's just me), she complains that for 3 weeks prior to Thanksgiving she shopped and planned and "did everything" and it's all over in an hour. One time I said if it takes 3 weeks to feed 15 people, she's doing something wrong... didn't go over well.

I will be laughing for days. It finally has a name. Over hostessing! Thanks!

    Bookmark   November 15, 2007 at 12:08PM
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We have a similar person in our family we all choose to throw the events and have her attend trust me it makes for a much more enjoyable time as I get too crazy when at there functions which thank goodness are far and inbetween. I am a avid entertainer and I find the "My house is your house" thing works wonderfully and makes guest feel very comfortable...I pride myself in my organization and preperation which illeviates the hussel and pogo stick thingy when guest arrive.

    Bookmark   November 26, 2007 at 8:58AM
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