Worst visit ever

BGOSNovember 17, 2012

A friend and I were going out today, we live in different states so she asked if I wanted to stay. It's been a few years since we have seen each other so I agreed.

When I walked in the door, was hit by the most nastiest smell, every room was a complete mess, dirty plates, cups were everywhere. Vaccuuming not done for weeks, was afraid not to wear shoes. She did announce proudly that there were clean sheets on the bed, which is only effort she had made. Oh apart from pushing stuff aside so I could walk to the bed.

I was at least offered some water. Then she cooked dinner, rice and meat. Helped her clear off and set the dinner table, no clean forks, so she pulled out plastic ones. Her husband cooked the meat outside on the barbie, before brining it inside, the smell of it was really bad, I managed to eat some because I didn't want to offend. After dinner, her husband got himself a soft drink, she told him to get her one too. I sat for a couple of minutes wondering if I'd be offered any and ended up asking if I could have a drink. Was told "you can have water, milk or something hot". When I asked if she had tea, she found a pack and handed me a tea bag, which she told me she had made her father buy when he asked for tea one day.

Now I am not the best housekeeper, am messy but in the past when she has visited me I made sure the place was clean. Give her our best towels to use, on one visit to her were ordered not to touch her good towels and given ratty towels to use. There were complaints about the room I gave her being too noisy - neigbour had chickens, a table being messy and she would help herself to the fridge when she was hungry.

It felt degrading, I suppose I was a bit offended that she made no effort for me but kept my feelings to myself. Tried not to mention it but at one stage she mentioned the mess and said that she knew I wouldn't mind which is why she did nothing.

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sameboat

Oh my. No going back there! Do you suppose she is mentally ill? Do you talk on the phone? Is she depressed? Was she always like this, or is this something recent?

    Bookmark   November 17, 2012 at 10:15PM
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colleenoz

Even for close friends who would not mind a little untidiness I would at least make the effort of offering drinks, make the tea, the best towels etc. I wouldn't want my worst enemy seeing my house in the state you describe, let alone a friend (and I'm no Martha Stewart, believe me). Maybe you should cut this one loose.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 10:16PM
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BGOS

Yeah, there is depression and mental illness involved, plus the fact she needs to be the center of attention and does play on it. It is hard because I do find her to be a very high maintenance friend, have pretty much cut back on contact but not comfortable on cutting it completely, I do like her.

Broaching the subject or even offering advice isn't the thing to do, I think even her husband won't do it anymore. He lets her walk all over him just to keep the peace, even as far as sleeping on the couch because she hates his snoring. She was talking to him about the bedroom the other day, making the emphasis on MY bedroom, MY bed. She doesn't believe he will ever leave her but really he is quite capable of it, he has already walked out of one marriage.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 7:36AM
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sameboat

If she were my friend, I think I would ask her if everything was all right and tell her I was concerned about her. If she confides in you that something is wrong or that she's depressed, then I would let her know about a time when I also felt down and not myself and that I would be there for her, whatever she needs. If she says she's fine and gets defensive, then I would leave her alone. You can't save someone from herself if she doesn't want the help. Send her a nice note now and again to say you're thinking of her but I wouldn't subject myself to any more overnights.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 10:55PM
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BGOS

Now the problem is that she wants me to come and stay more often. Trying to work out how to get out of it without upseting her.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2013 at 11:56AM
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nancylouise_gw

Did you ever think that she did this on purpose? Or is she always like this? If she was not treated well, (in her mind when she visited you) maybe it is payback?
I wouldn't be returning any time soon for a stayover. Tell her that you prefer staying in a hotel and would like to take her out to lunch and visit then. That way you still visit with her but aren't subject to her filth and food and bad manners. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   April 3, 2013 at 10:35AM
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scarlett2001

Run! The longer you stay in this uncomfortable friendship, the worse it will get.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2014 at 1:55AM
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