Need advice on party planning!

gratefulbreeOctober 20, 2008

Hello, would welcome any advice anyone has, this is a tricky subject. I am turning 30 in May and my boyfriend and I are also celebrating our 5 year "anniversary". I know it seems silly but it's a big deal to us as we have been through a lot together. Anyway I want to have a party with friends and family but I am not really sure how to word the invite. Is it appropriate to mention the anniversary since we are not married? I want to celebrate both and I don't want the bf to feel left out. I am inviting his family too. On the other hand, I don't want people to feel like they have to bring gifts at all let alone for two occasions. I just want to somehow incorporate the anniversary so that my closest understand the happiness that I have with my boyfriend and the milestone it is. Both of my parents are disabled and our grandmothers are both quite old, so this may be the last time we are all together in this way. I don't think a wedding is in the very near future. Hope someone has some words of wisdom!

Thanks!

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lindac

Just have a party! You know "why" but everyone else doesn't need to know.
And frankly, I may be a bit old fashioned, but I would not look kindly on an invitation from an unmarried couple celebrating 5 years of being "together"...whatever that means.
Just throw a party....no mention of birthday ( its' really tacky to throw your own birthday party by the way!) not "anniversary...just a good time for family and friends to get together and celebrate their love for one another.
And frankly who needs an excuse!
Linda C

    Bookmark   October 20, 2008 at 4:55PM
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fluffed

I agree. Throw a party without a name. Or just call it a celebration.

What you can do is get in front of everyone and thank them for coming and tell them how much your SO means to you and how much it means to have all your family and friends in your life. That "mentions" the time frame, but in an appropriate way.

But why no wedding in the future? If it has been 5 years and you want to celebrate, why not get married? Marriage isn't the wedding...heck -- this party could be the wedding. I'm just curious as what would hold back two people from getting married when they want to celebrate a 5 year dating anniversary?

    Bookmark   October 20, 2008 at 9:20PM
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gellchom

A third vote just to call it a party. A birthday party wouldn't seem so strange, even though you are giving it yourself, provided you put something like "please no gifts" on the invitation.

I know that "no gifts, please," like any other mention of gifts, is not proper, but in my opinion, it's the best compromise. That's what we did when we gave a 50th birthday/25th anniversary party for ourselves. Our friends once gave a party to celebrate something like 4 family birthdays, 2 new babies, and 3 graduations -- they wrote something like, "Join us as we count our blessings!" and did write "no gifts please." Everyone knows it's incorrect, but it seems to be the convention, at least around here, and I like it, because it allows people to give parties for their own happy occasions.

But I am afraid I have to agree with the others that I would find it strange to be invited to an anniversary of ... what? Dating? Going together? Since you met? Whatever. That is something that couples do privately. I must admit I would wonder whether the people felt that married couples get gifts, so they are entitled, too.

I would just give a party. Send out nice invitations so that it is clear it is a special occasion, not just an ordinary get-together. At the party, toast each other and have a birthday cake with candles.

    Bookmark   October 20, 2008 at 9:40PM
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gratefulbree

Thanks for all the tips. I kind of figured no one would get the anniversary thing. It's a milestone because my mom is very sick with MS and my boyfriend moved out of state to be with me so I wouldn't have to leave her. We celebrate each year we have been together because it has been very emotional and we support eachother in more ways then most couples our age. No marriage in the near future because we are not financially stable yet and want to do things the "right" way. I have seen too many of my friends marry young without really going through a lot together and just ending up miserable. We will definitely get married when the time is right.
So I will just call it a party and do the "no gifts" thing on the invite. I didn't know it was tacky to throw yourself a birthday party! I just thought I would do it so it's exactly what I want. I'm sure my mom and friends will help me plan.
I really appreciate all the advive!

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 9:43AM
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rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

grateful, when I turned 40, I threw myself a humdinger of a birthday party. I rented a restaurant which was usually closed on Sunday, had them cook up all of their munchie menu, had a DJ, and invited all my friends and enemies (just kidding). I didn't feel the least bit tacky, and I'll wager that it didn't ever come up in the conversation amongst the guests. Live with GUSTO!

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 12:01PM
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sheesh

Give your mom the birthday present and marry the guy! You don't need a big todo of a wedding, you need a marriage. Not financially stable yet? After 5 years? When do you think you will be? Seen too many friends marry "young"? You're going to be 30, for pete's sake!

Sorry I'm being such a crank - I guess I sure don't get it. Have any kind of party you like, and have a lot of fun.

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 4:03PM
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gellchom

If you just call it a party, without any mention of the birthday or anniversary, don't put "no gifts."

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 11:55PM
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sunnyca_gw

I'm with Sherrmann, This guy loves you enough to move to another state!!! That's love!!!! Do you love him? Or is he only thing normal in your life? You have been dealt a very tough hand with aging grandparent & disabled parents. Don't you want them at your wedding? That's what weddings are for to share your love & happiness with those who love you most. I think you can't talk to adults as you are in this too deep, you need an aunt or good friend to help you get your thoughts clear & if it's true love how long do you expect him to wait? Your friends can help you put together an inexpensive wedding. Thrift shops or ads in paper will yield a lovely gown. Someone can make a cake, not real hard to put white icing on it & couple of fresh flowers on & in front of it. I got my gown for $25 as girl changed her mind about marriage. I sold it yrs later to girl with sick dad who wanted to marry quickly as her dad could hardly walk her down the aisle, she got the shoes,slip,bra & veil & we cried together when she tried it all on & it fit perfect. You will regret your waiting. Plan this to be your wedding & ask everyone to help, don't need a fancy place. By a lake, in a backyard, in someone's LR friends will help if you let them know and then you will have a really happy birthday. If it's 10 people or 50 it's a celebration of "love" not money!! Good Luck sweetie, I hope you have the courage to take a good look at yourself!!I think you really love this man! As for money, ha!! never going to be right. A lot of those that spend $20,000 or more don't make it much more than a yr. It's such a rush having a fairy tale wedding that after honeymoon not much left. True love is something that gets better every year. He "lights" up your world you "light" up his! Jan

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 3:41PM
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