I'm hurt by how I was treated by friend at lunch at her house
We went over to a friends house for lunch Friday afternoon after synagogue services for Rosh Hashana. She had invited several people over. They live about an hour away from us, in the far out suburbs, also itÂs an hour from the synagogue. We ended up going the long way I think and got stuck in the Friday-afternoon-leaving-town traffic and it took us forever to get there and when we arrived, it was clear we were late.
Everyone was already eating and all sitting around the large table in her dining room. So we went ahead and got some food and I went into the dining room to join the rest but there were only one or two empty chairs and there were four of us, me, DH, and my two sons. So I stood there a minute, not knowing what to do, then figured the only open seating was at the kitchen table so I went in there and my family followed.
So, thatÂs when I started to feel uncomfortable. Everyone else was at the DR table except us. The hostess apparently was just getting her food as well and she came over to join us, putting her plate of food on the table, and then walked away for some reason, then returned, picked up her plate and went to sit at the DR table. So here we are, the four of us, sitting by ourselves at the kitchen table. I was pretty upset all of a sudden because I felt completely out of place. It was like being relegated to the back room or the kids table or something. I got up and went to the bathroom to compose myself because I was upset.
When I returned after maybe five minutes, the host and another friend who had been sitting at the DR table came over and joined us, they had already eaten but talked to us while we ate. That went a long way toward making me feel better and we began to have a pleasant conversation which we continued in the living room for more comfortable seating after we ate.
Now, looking back, what I should have done was just tell DH & kids to bring chairs over to the DR table and squeeze in. Maybe things would have gone better if I had. But why didnÂt the hostess actually do that? She knows how many her table seats, and how many were coming. Yeah, we were late and maybe that put her off, but it wasnÂt because we dawdled and didnÂt bother to get there on time, we were stuck in traffic and she knew that.
After a while, it was time for the party to break up, everyone from the DR had gone into the kitchen, gathered their leftovers, they were saying goodbyes (mind you, we never got a chance to talk to these people or the hostess at all during the entire time). So we also got up, time to go. The hostess looked directly at me and said, "YouÂre going? DonÂt go, donÂt go." I thought, OK, well she didnÂt get a chance to talk to me and now wants to make up for that, fine, weÂll stay maybe another half hour.
One other guest looked like she might linger as well so I said, stay, weÂre going to stay a bit more so she did. Now itÂs just the seven of us: host & hostess, one other guest, and my family of four. The hostess plops down in a chair with her mail and begins to open it, not talking to any of us in particular, she makes a few comments about some junk mail she received.
Now about this time IÂm pretty much at the end of my limit. IÂve been feeling uneasy since we arrived and now I really feel weird. Opening your mail is something you do after all the guests have left OR maybe in an attempt to get the lingerers to get the hint and go. IÂm not certain what to do because she made it clear she wanted us to stay. Suddenly her cell phone rang and she got up and answered it and began to engage in a conversation, apparently with her son (at college) who wasnÂt feeling well.
That was the end. I understand her son was sick, but it was sort of the last straw. I went to the restroom to prepare for the long drive home and gathered my clan and said to the host, we have to go. He had to coax her off the phone long enough to say good bye to us. I was so relieved to go home.
IÂm completely taken aback by the hostessÂs behavior. Why didnÂt she try to make us feel welcome? Why did she act like she was going to sit with us at the kitchen table, then pick up her plate and move? Why did she look directly at me, making it clear she wanted me to stay, then proceed to behave as if weÂd overstayed our welcome? IÂve pretty much decided not to accept any more invitations to her house (if there are any). We belong to a couples group and will see each other monthly, and I would go to her house if that were the event, but not again as a side invitation as this lunch was.
Am I wrong to be so hurt by all of this? What would you have done or felt in my shoes?