I believe many misunderstandings in entertaining (and elsewhere) can be avoided if we realize that what we do in particular situations isn't the same as what others do.
It sounds simple, but it isn't.
If we take off our shoes at home/leave them on, then we expect others to do the same. If we arrive on time/fashionably late, then that's when we expect our guests to arrive. If we invite people to dinner with the expectation that they will reciprocate, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Even something as simple as asking a question (if we have a certain answer in mind and don't get it) can lead to bad feelings.
But what if we turn it around? What if you always bring wine to your friends' parties because that's what you feel you should do, but you absolutely don't expect them to bring ANYTHING to yours. What will happen? You will be pleasantly surprised by those who bring wine! Isn't that better than being disappointed with those who don't?
I believe there are two reasons we invite people to dinner or parties. One is because we want their company, and the other is to give them a type of gift (dinner). In either case, all we should want in return is a "thank you."
How do you feel about this? I'm open to friendly discussion!
p.s. The above doesn't necessarily apply to relatives... they are different...