Friend keeps volunteering my home
We moved into a larger home with a great back yard and a pool a few years ago. We often host parties, barbeques and get togethers with our friends at our house which we enjoy. We have one group of friends that we enjoy seeing and we try to get together as a group because we have a great time together and most of the time it is at our house. I'm getting a little tired of entertaining now - blame it on perimenopause, and enjoy being invited. I don't automatically volunteer my home anymore when we are trying to organize a get together and it's funny how the conversation seems to go silent when the topic of venue comes up because my friend seems to expect me to automatically offer my home. This friend is upset that I didn't warm up to the idea of her teenage daughter having a pool party at our house. I have 2 teenage daughters myself and I know how stressful their parties are for us. My daughters each had a couple of parties in the past and my husband and I are always home to monitor/control the alcohol that always got snuck in etc. Now they just have a few friends over at a time because my girls realized that parties can easily get out of control and they don't want the responsibility either. Why would we want to go through this with someone else's child? If anything happens, my husband and I will be held completely responsible.
So now, another mutual friend, Mary, is planning her husbands 50th birthday party and our friend suggested she have it at my house. Mary is financially well off but extremely cheap and will not pay for a caterer or a restaurant. When Mary mentioned to me she wants to have a party for her husband and is looking for a house to have it at (hint, hint) because hers is too small, I did not know what to say. Will I look like the bad guy party pooper if I don't offer my house. If I say yes, I know I'll be cooking and cleaning like a crazy woman and cursing under my breath the whole time.
How do I let Mary down and what can I say to my friend to stop using/offering my house like it's a community centre.