Please give me strength

mcpegSeptember 16, 2008

You are all very dear to me. I am having a tough time dealing with sibling rivalry right now - most of which I believe is self-inflicted in my head. I don't want to fight over the most trivial things in my Mom's estate. I have packed the car today with almost everything I can find to take over to my sister (Sister is the OCD freak in the family). Technically as executors we have to itemize items remaining. My sister, I believe, wants to come 'shopping' in my home to list things that are not part of the estate. My mother's residence is legally HER address since the she moved there over the winter. (This is an ongoing story for anyone new.). I am seeing a new shrink on Thursday - I can't wait!!! I NEED HELP. My SISTER and I are okay dealing with the formalities but I am so scared dealing with the stupid things because I truly feel she just wants an excuse to snoop in my house for things that might 'add value' to the estate. My Mom is not on this deed - she worried about MY SISTER wanting part of our home - and had herself legally removed since she only paid her expenses over the years here. We have always paid the mortgage. I insisted my MOM was on the deed to ensure she knew this was her home after my Dad died and we bought this house after renting for many, many years. So now my SISTER thinks her univerisity degree is in my house among other things. Almost 15 years ago we moved out of our rented family home into this house. What happened to family documents that were personal I have no control over. I have honestly looked and cannot find them anywhere. And I will continue looking and handing over anything that belongs to anyone because I DON'T WANT THEM!!!!

So if my SISTER wants entry into my home she will have to take me to court. It hurts too much and there is much more to this story than I can describe.

Please pray for me to have strength right now - I need it. I want to do the right thing without being stepped all over. My DH will not let my SISTER in this house for any reason either. We have had enough.

I need your prayers and I needed to vent.

Since Friday I have felt like throwing up, I am not hungry and i cannot sleep. I have been worried about my SISTER coming over here and FIGHTING over stupid things and having her try to push her way through my home - so I have packed the car with stuff of the estate. She can put it all in the granny suite for itemization. I can't deal with this anymore.

We are now at the stage of having our 'executor' status and probate completed, so we are having a family conference call to agree on an accountant for my Mom's final tax return and discuss how to handle finances going forward. Which is the smart thing to do.

Why am I still afraid of my sister after all these years?

So I am not talking diet right now but I am asking for your support. I need it.

Thank you, all of my friends, for your kind thoughts throughout my life's journey with mental health issues and...

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mcpeg

I am relieved to say we had our family phone call and all agreed on terms and wishes. No fighting. Maybe now I can sleep tonight. Thank heavens.
Thank you for understanding.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2008 at 5:56PM
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mcpeg

Yep, now I can start to get back on track with my Weight Watchers. LOL

    Bookmark   September 17, 2008 at 5:18AM
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nhsuzanne

Well that's what I call great self therapy Peggy! Ask and you shall receive!! LOL

    Bookmark   September 17, 2008 at 3:56PM
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marge727

I hope this is the last of it Peggy. In the event she comes to your house over the holidays--do yourself a favor and don't have any of "Mom"s things displayed. Tuck them out of sight this year. Otherwise she will start thinking--I should have gotten that.
Its a shame your mother made both of you executors. I do estate & probate law and never recommend co-executors. I try to help the parent figure out who would be the best and not who has the tendency to drive everyone nuts.

    Bookmark   October 8, 2008 at 9:03PM
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mcpeg

Hi Marge,
My sister had 2 single mattresses here from when she lived in our home while hers was being renovated (for 9 months!)(DH and I lived in the UK at that time and I told her to stay at the house with my Mom...we were on good terms at that time). She 'reminded me' when we had a family conference call over the estate stuff about the mattresses. I told her to come and get them before the end of October - otherwise I would stuff them in my garden shed. She is a clean freak so I knew she'd get over here quick to take 'her mattresses' home. At the same conference call I suggested I pack everything up and send it over to her house since my other sister stays with her when she visits now and that way everyone can look at the stuff to see what they want. So I packed it all up and put in on the front lawn for her when she picked up her mattresses. She has no reason anymore to access my home. She's not interested either - DH and I will not let her through the door and she knows this. So that matter is now closed. We have moved on to now with the paperwork to open a new estate account to begin consolidating the financial accounts into one single account and it requires both of our signatures for any payments to be made. We are waiting the confirmation from the bank's estate office to know it's been done. We are also obtaining an accountant to do the final tax return. Progress is being made. It's embarrassing to go to the bank with her - she has an attitude, barely speaks with the staff helping us - thinking they are all stupid and her hostile mood is apparent. When we've finished she just ups and leaves - no thank you for helping us today, no handshake. My mother/father have not raised us like this. It's embarrassing to say the least. I always thank the staff and shake their hand.

When this is all over for my Mother's estate, we are both the power of attorney and executors for my great aunt who is now 96. So I will still have to deal with her on that account. I don't trust her at all. She doesn't trust me.
I just suck it up and treat everything like business when dealing with her. I've stopped losing sleep over her and leave her to her 'own miserable world'. She hasn't truly been happy ever since I can remember.

Originally it was the bank and my sister as co-executors. I told my Mom I did not trust Kathy to treat all of us fairly. My Mom thought about it and changed her will to add me. Sister and I agreed as a majority to remove the bank since we were going to do all the work - they did not need 'a cut' of the estate.

Things are well now and progressing. She will never ever enter my house again.

Cheers,
Peggy

    Bookmark   October 9, 2008 at 9:44AM
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wodka

marge, guess how my parents decided on an executor? There are six of us - one son, five daughters. They decided the least fuss was to make our brother executor, since he was the only male? He's not even the oldest, lives away, and counts on us to give him updates on our mom (dad passed away two years ago.)

Don't get me wrong - he's a great guy and most of us get along just fine. Hopefully, we won't have problems when mom passes away, which I hope is not any time soon. At the time, though, it offended my sisters and me, since we have all been strong and stable women, no "June Cleavers" in the bunch........ha.

    Bookmark   October 9, 2008 at 9:46AM
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