Do you accept uninvited overnight guests?

gabbythecatJune 29, 2013

Okay, maybe that isn't the right title - it sounds ungracious, and I don't mean to be.

But - I have relatives on my dh's side who seem to have no problems inviting themselves to stay at our house whenever they are in town. This is usually a one night visit. These are people who can afford a hotel, but they seem to prefer staying with family instead.

With our work schedules, it often isn't convenient to have overnight guests - we don't have a guest suite, like a hotel. I'd be more comfortable if *we* had the option of inviting them to stay the night, to invite them for dinner, or whatever. When these people invite themselves, I feel put on the spot to drop our plans - not a terrific way to start a visit.

Is this "invite yourself" thing a regional habit? Am I just being ungracious? Is it normal and expected for extended family/inlaws (in this case the siblings, usually) to invite themselves? Usually we do have several weeks notice, if that makes a difference.

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A thoughtful and tactful person would never put you on the spot in the first place. No you're not being ungracious and no it's definitely NOT normal for in-laws or anyone else to simply invite themselves over. I would casually mention that it would be nice if they can call you in advance so you can set aside time to visit with them or something like that. Hopefully, they get the message for future visits!!

    Bookmark   June 29, 2013 at 10:36PM
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I don't think you have to host them if it's not convenient.

But I disagree that it's always rude for relatives or friends to ask if they can visit you or even just stay with you when they're coming into town for a night. You need to know your family's dynamics; some families do, some don't.

In our family, we always do that. I'd be bewildered and frankly kind of hurt if one of my husband's or my cousins came here and DIDN'T ask to stay with us. I mean, if they are allergic to animals or hate to be houseguests or something, I wouldn't take offense. But I would feel bad to think that if they would like to stay here that they thought they couldn't ask. I'm glad they feel welcome and comfortable enough to do so.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2013 at 11:56PM
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In our extended family we love hosting each other if convenient, and have no problem saying if it isn't convenient. So we have no hesitation in asking, and similarly none in refusing. None of us would think of request or refusal as rude.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2013 at 1:50AM
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I think it is a family thing, not a regional thing. In some families, it is just accepted that you stay with family.

So what you need to do is talk with your DH and get his feel for this--does he want these overnight guests? Is he willing to do the cooking and cleaning required? Does he feel comfortable in telling them, no, they can't stay at your house?

And you can compromise--you can say no to their specific dates, if they don't work for you, and propose different dates for the visits. You can tell the guests that they can come, but you will both be very busy at that time, so they shouldn't expect to see much of you.

And if you have plans, you don't have to break those plans. Just tell the relations, sure, they can come, but you will be out at the theater one night, and at a friend's for dinner another night, so they will have to fend for themselves those evenings.

    Bookmark   July 1, 2013 at 3:22PM
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I don't think it is a regional thing. I don't think it is rude that family stay one night when they are in town. They are family! I love seeing my family and visiting with them. It would be strange for family or friends not to stay with us when they are in town for one night. I do think you are making a bit much of it. If we are working or have plans that can not be broken, they entertain themselves til we get back home. Simple as that. They go out to dinner or cook for themselves. Go to the movies or play cards til we get back. No big deal. Do you not get along with your relatives? Is that why you are put out when they come for a one night visit? NancyLouise

    Bookmark   July 3, 2013 at 7:36PM
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Are you sure this isn't a dh issue?
How would you feel if your uninvited family wanted to spend the night?

    Bookmark   July 26, 2013 at 3:28PM
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Same situation here. We just converted the "guest bedroom" to a walk-in closet/hobby room. "Sorry, we would love to have you but we needed the extra room." (You have to say it with a straight face.)

    Bookmark   December 22, 2013 at 2:48AM
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I would blow up the beds for one night. ( we have 2) lol We do have an extra bedroom but usually our grand daughter is using that room. Her mom travels in her job and she stays with us. No I don't think its rude for family members to ask to stay with you. If you don't have room then its a different story. I love to have company and I'm usually ready for them to stay more than one or two nights. Hey its family enjoy the company.

    Bookmark   December 23, 2013 at 7:31AM
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I really don't mind hosting a relative as i believe in family values depending on the relatives though..If they are distant relatives then I would prefer they ask if they can come to stay to check if I have any plans etc before inviting themselves

    Bookmark   March 3, 2014 at 6:14AM
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