Should alcohol be served if one guest in AA?

pinkpaulaJune 10, 2010

This is my first post on this forum. I have a potential problem I hope someone can discuss with me.

I am planning a gathering of three couples, life-long friends. We will meet at my house for pre-dinner appetizers before going out to a very nice restaurant.

Unknown to everyone, except me, one of the guests is a newly recovering alcoholic. She does not want to make her condition generally known. She is in contact with her mentor daily for support.

Should I refrain from serving wine or cocktails to the group? If I don't, what do I serve? Iced tea?

Please make suggestions. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable.

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jaybird

You are such a great friend!!!!
I think I would not serve anything alcoholic.
In place of those drinks I would serve sparkling grape juice or a Sangria mix with no alcohol (it is delicious).
You could always preface your choices with "Oh, I JUST found this and it is WONDERFUL!!" ;^) Solves a problem for your friend and makes you a hero!
The rest of your guests will go right along because if they are life long friends, they have already suspected a problem and will think you are THE BEST!!!(and I do too!)

    Bookmark   June 10, 2010 at 10:57AM
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suzieque

Sorry, but I disagree. Do you really think that your friend would want everyone else to change their behavior because of her? If things were different (meaning she didn't have the problem), would you serve alcohol? Then why not this time? Yes, it may be tempting to her, but she will know that you know and her husband knows. And going forward she will need to learn to be in all kinds of social situations where alcohold is served.

My opinion is that you should ASK her! Ask her if she would have a problem or if it would be ok with her if you have choices of alcohol or iced tea or fruit juice, etc. The others would probably think it odd if you had no alcohol, which could blow her cover. Having choices is normal, and she could just say that she's choosing not to drink that night or something.

    Bookmark   June 10, 2010 at 8:30PM
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gellchom

Well, but the OP said her friend is a newly recovering alcoholic. If it weren't a new challenge, I would just offer both alcoholic or and non-alcoholic drinks. In this case, I like the idea of just skipping alcohol. Have a fancy iced tea or punch and extra nice appetizers.

Have fun!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 12:28AM
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rubyslipperz

Part of the recovery process is to learn to say no. Go ahead and serve what you would normally serve. Just be sure to serve non-alcoholic beverages too.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 9:04AM
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lindac

I have a lot of friends who are recovering alcoholics. And at one time all were "newly recovering".
I agree, part of the recovery is learning to live in a world where alcohol is present. Serve drinks but have some tasty non alcoholic look alike for your recovering friend.
One of my friends was with me on a wonderful European trip about a month after she came out of the facility. She survived with Non alcoholic beer as did two other friends. A third drank diet coke with lime.
If you don't serve alcoholic drinks, the other guests will know there is a reason. It's kindest to serve what you normally would and your recovering friend can be "on a diet" and drink the alternative choices.
Linda C

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 12:01PM
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pinkpaula

You have all been so helpful in your comments.

suziecue, your comment, "Having choices is normal" hit home with me.

I think the best thing to do is to have available a variety of beverages. My friend can select what is right for her, and the other guests can, too.

Who knows? EVERYONE might want a diet Coke. ;-)

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 4:01PM
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suzieque

Have a wonderful time, paula. I'm sure your guests will.

Suzieque

    Bookmark   June 13, 2010 at 9:30AM
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gellchom

The other posters have convinced me. Have a great party!

    Bookmark   June 14, 2010 at 12:02PM
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