Alice_sjFebruary 15, 2003

What do you think about a BBQ where you have to bring your own meat?

I can't imagine wanting to invite friends over, but not wanting to pay to feed them when they're invited to dinner.

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Probably depends on the age group. Younger might mean lean budgets. It's been a long time since I've even been to a BYO booze gathering.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2003 at 8:06AM
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I think it's a great idea for an informal, meet at the local park type gathering. That way everybody gets to grill what they like, and if the rest is potluck too, it eases the burden on everybody.

However, I wouldn't invite people to my home and ask them to bring their own meat. A side dish for a barbecue maybe, but not the main course.

Windsor, CA

    Bookmark   February 15, 2003 at 12:29PM
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Ok, what do you think about...

BYO meat
BYO drink
Cook it yourself
And even though everything else is supposed to be supplied, you have to ask about ketchup and BYO other condiments?
Supplying everything else consisted of 1 side dish for 30 people.

The hosts were well off (the 30-40 age).
All the people invited were either well to do or poor college students.

This was a semi-formal invite to their home.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2003 at 3:52PM
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I would say they didn't want to entertain.
I have been to a lot of things like cast parties for plays....neighborhood block parties, scout picnics etc....where it was BYO beverage and BYO meat.....and a side dish....
but no one was really "host"...except for the person who supplied the plates, glasses, silverware....and the "facilities."
I don't object.....but I don't feel like I have to return the favor for this kind of party.
Linda C

    Bookmark   February 15, 2003 at 7:49PM
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We had friends who put on parties like that. I always took a couple dishes-appetizers and side dish. For her hubby's birthday-she also asked me to do the cake to serve 40 guests which I did-and they had MY hubby pick up the kegs that they 'forgot' to get, yet never paid him nor me for either!) the 5th of liquor I took for us-HER relatives from NY drank all but 3 drinks of it! She called 3 months later to invite us to another shindig. I said "Sorry-don't count on us to come to any more of your functions..I can't afford your parties!" Never heard from her again. No loss!

    Bookmark   February 17, 2003 at 5:34PM
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Wow, Sharon - you don't pull and punches, do you? Friends of mine sometimes invite us for barbecue and they provide all the food for the grill. The rest of us bring the side dishes. They usually have plenty of beer but if you want the hard stuff, you have to bring your own. They usually do burgers and chicken but she invites guests to bring something else for the grill if they don't care for the menu. Very casual get-together but lots of fun. These usually happen during NASCAR :)

    Bookmark   February 17, 2003 at 10:49PM
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Prsonally I feel like if you cant afford to buy the food to entertain then you should not be entertaining...Its a different story if someone calls and says "ill make the potato salad" then say ok but to request dishes...give me a break..

    Bookmark   February 21, 2003 at 8:34AM
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Wow - I guess I'm way too nice. I usually supply everything @ my parties - even the hard stuff. I won't dream of making people bring their own if I've invited them to a party. Most people offer to bring something and I tell them to bring a side or dessert whatever they want.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2003 at 1:38PM
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I would never ask anyone to bring their own meat. When I invite people over I do all the cooking. Most of the family and friends will ask if they can bring something. My response is if you want to you can, but let me know so I dont make a mac salad also.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2003 at 8:51AM
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The only time I've heard of guests bringing there own meats was when there were diet restrictions. The hosts were serving BBQ ribs with sauce and there were diabetics invited and had sugar restrictions. Others ate no pork, and brought chicken and still others ate no meat so brought vegetable kabobs. We all still were able to get together and it wasn't a burden on the hosts to comply with diet restrictions.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2003 at 9:21AM
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"Sorry-don't count on us to come to any more of your functions..I can't afford your parties!"

Sharon, what a great answer! I admire your candor.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2003 at 11:54AM
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We family reunion at our place every year .No one else is willing, we have a big place 40 acres so we have it every year. whty should we foot the bill for 110+ people every year so I make 3 main dishes,we provide chips,all the drinks,I make big dish fruit salad. Then every guest brings thier favorite casserole and a dessert Its great everybody loves to try the new dishes prepared,No body complains everybodys busy eating.Then we have hay rides,horseback riding,fishing,swimming. games.end of the day fireworks. Makes for a good time.I would not do all cooking last year I made 150 hotdogs,150 hamburgers.barbeque.I do my fair share.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2003 at 10:29AM
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I think that is a little different. I think the person that posted was talking about the ususal back yard party. I would not cook for 110 people either.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2003 at 6:15PM
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I ran into a problem last Christmas. My husband and I planned and party about two weeks before Christmas and invited around 50 people ( 30-40 age group ) We planed it as a finger food kind of party...easy! We picked certain close friends to bring 1 app. We figured we would have plenty of food. Come the night of the party and only 5 other people brought food...the rest brought beer! We ended up not having enough food and I found myself looked through cupboards for anything I could put out. By 11:00 people were talking about ordering a pizza. We were so embarrassed! We learned 1 thing from this...from now on we are doing most of the food ourselves. If someone wants to bring something great...but I am not going to count on it again. We are now planning a summer party...with the same amount of people. I am now working on my menu and believe me no one will be wanting to order pizza. LOL

    Bookmark   June 30, 2003 at 11:18AM
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curly, BUMMER! I hate that feeling as you watch the food quickly dissapear. Did all your people bring food that said they would and only 5 more? Or did only 5 people bring food? I am with you on the doing it myself thing. When someone brings something than great.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2003 at 5:11PM
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Only 5 brought food! Thats it! It was BAD LOL

    Bookmark   July 16, 2003 at 7:00AM
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I think that asking the guests to bring your own meat is in bad taste. I have no problem with assigning dishes if people ask, but never to invite and tell them to bring their own food. That's just rude.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2003 at 6:56PM
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In Los Angeles, parties are often held at restaurants, and everyone is expected to pay a percentage of the total tab! When I have barbeques, I ask people to bring something to grill - they expect this, and I provide all the drinks, setups, side dishes, etc. That way I don't buy a lot of meat for people who don't show up, and you can never count on people showing up here, even if they do RSVP. In a smaller city, it would be different.


    Bookmark   September 14, 2003 at 8:17PM
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alice- people like that are the reason I have a very small social network- but it's been in place for 20 years now.

your hosts have the social graces that I have, unfortunately, come to expect from their generation- and I refuse to include myself in that generation, despite being of that age.

their parents likely would not even have the grace to be embarassed for the family reputation...

thanks for reminding me why I don't socialize outside my own 'outer circle'. these don't strike me as people that I would want to waste my cooking on.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2003 at 11:33AM
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Curly Willow - your post is the exact reason why I tell people it is EASIER for me to do all the cooking. When we have parties everyone is always saying they will bring something - they say it's too much work - let us help you - but things are hectic and people just dont have time or forget or whatever and as the hostess it's just easier for me to do everything this way i know exactly how much food there will be and when. (My sister notorious for showing up late with appetizers UGH!)

    Bookmark   August 10, 2005 at 7:19AM
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:) gaah. what horror stories.

and group efforts are so much fun when they work.

this summer, we had a kabob party where people brought different meats and veggies, and we sat around cubing and marinating and skewering and left our host (who just dumped her legally wedded drunkard, and is now shouldering a $1500 mortgage on her own) with most of a bottle of olive oil, veggies for the week, a 'spare' loaf of good bread, and a bottle of wine we were too busy eating to drink.

we ganged up on my mom for the 4th of july, cleaned the kitchen, bought her new tupperware, brought food in, filled up the propane tank, vacuumed the pool, washed the dog, and left her with sides to spare, and a whole roast that got cooked, and never eaten.

then they did it to ME just last week- one girl brought a basket full of fruit, another girl a bottle of wine for sangria, shrimps and scallops and tilapia and chicken all appeared to go with my cocanut curry sauce (my only contribution besides the dishes we ate off of)

I can't imagine putting a party together alone any more- even when I try, they ambush me :)

    Bookmark   August 29, 2005 at 1:38PM
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I have no problem bringing my own meat, or whatever - if asked. I LOVE it when I don't have to bring anything. When we were younger, with young families we use to all meet at the park and bring our own meat with a side dish to share. We would each tell the other what our side dish would be so that as each person decided - they would KNOW what the others were bringing already. I have alwasys been "known" for my potatoe salad and deserts so that was what I brought. One family didn't like to cook - always brought chips and dip. The food wasn't the key issue - it was a break from dinner at home and letting all the children play together and getting to visit with friends.

Personally, now - I fix everything because I can afford to, because I KNOW there will be plenty, because I LOVE the challenge of fixing something surprising or fun and because I want my guests to have NO responsibilities and have a REAL break - a time to totally relax.

    Bookmark   September 18, 2005 at 3:39AM
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The one thing that I passionately hate is POTLUCKs. I absolutely dont get the idea of being invited to an event and then have to provide for it!! I understand that if you dont have the means to host a party but for working adults there is no excuse ...

If you cant host a dinner and provide for your guests, dont have a party. I will willingly bring goodies to every party I go to but to demand a guest to bring food, drinks, cutlery is just real LOW CLASS in my books.

BTW, this also applies to weddings where the groomsmen pay for the groom's outfit, the bridesmaids are made to buy specific dresses. Cheap,cheap , cheep, cheep!!!

    Bookmark   September 26, 2005 at 5:55PM
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A potluck is fine for a co-operative a scout picnic or a church choir get together in the church meeting room....
But a potluck is not a way to entertain! You are not incurring any obligation to return the favor...
That said, I belonged to a Sunday night pot luck group who always had great food. We were a group of 10 and the hosts set a beautiful table, provided cocktails, wine with dinner and after dinner well as the main course. Guests brought dessert, hors d'ouvres, salad and either a veggie or rolls or bread....I love that kind of Pot luck!
Linda C

    Bookmark   September 29, 2005 at 11:24AM
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