SS Daily Support , July 6 - 11, 2004

beshJuly 6, 2004

Hello, Hello..........

Am I all alone here in cyber world? Where is everyone?


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Hiya Besh! I'm here!

I'm starting off in a good way this week. I had Kashi Go Lean for brekky and haven't been snacking yet---lol.

I'm planning meals this week and am heading down to the Curves Gym to scope it out. I haven't found any way to get a good workout since I've arrived here, ---I MISS MY BIKE SO MUCH!!!!!---so I figure I'll join for a month and see how it goes for me!

No fireworks up here this weekend---all outlawed since the big fires are burning and it's really dry here. Besides, there's daylight about 22 hours a day; the fireworks wouldn't be very spectacular. It finally gets dark at about 1am and light again at 3am. My sleep schedule is all messed up now!

Good to hear Patti and Dave are okay---stop by and say hi!

    Bookmark   July 6, 2004 at 3:59PM
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I am here too, just being quiet.

Besh - I got the pictures and they are in the album.

If you want to see Besh's artistic handiwork, she sent me pictures of her Dr. Scholls sandals and I put them in the album.


    Bookmark   July 6, 2004 at 7:18PM
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Ahhhh, made it through the first day after the holiday!

For dinner, had turkey keilbasa with cabbage and sweet Walla Walla onions and fresh Alaska vine-ripened tomato---so yummy. Dessert was a diet coke and watermelon.

It's hotter than a 2-dollar pistol here! I've had to water, water, water the yard of wild flowers every other day and the kids spent an hour in the sprinkler this afternoon!

I planned my dinner menus fo rthe week and did my shopping at the local grocery---LOTS of fresh veggies, juice, local, lo-cal fruits, and some animal crackers in a box with a carrying string in case I go CRAZY for carbs!

WHERE IS EVERYONE??????? - Hope you all survived the 4th safely!

We are going to re-locate in 2 years and can move ANYWHERE really, so I am scoping things out! DH wants east coast (New York) and I want family or friends nearby and some HEAT! That's partly why we're here for the summer-to see how it is.


Question of the Week: (3 parts)

1. What do you like MOST about your life and where you live?

2. What do you LEAST like about where you live?

3. Do you live near friends or family? And if so, how often do you get together with them?

    Bookmark   July 7, 2004 at 12:22AM
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BJ - here I am. Geez, if you have time to post, I can find time. I love your QOD and I will do my best to convince you to move next to me, there happens to be a house on the market too LOL.

1. I love the beauty of the lake and mountains, the abundance of wildlife, and most importantly the wonderful people that I have met and become friends with. I like that we are about an hour from Albany (major city) and 45 minutes from Saratoga Springs (fun town/racetrack) and 30 minutes from Glens Falls (better food shopping and a little mall). Our town is quaint and pretty.
2. The main drawback around here is the long winters, the snow is beautiful, but when the temperatures get below zero and stay there for a couple weeks - it can seem endless. Most people up here have learned to embrace the winter and go skiing, snowshoeing and use their snowmobiles. I would rather snuggle by a warm fire with a good book and a hot drink.
3. Most of our family is 3 1/2 hours away. We didn't know anyone up here when we moved. Every year we go home less often, usually just for major holidays and special occasions. We have lived here for 12 years. But, when you live in a place like our's most of your family wants to come and visit you.

This may be much too much information - but you asked LOL.

BJ - did you ever consider NJ? There are some beautiful areas in NJ and most are located convenient to major highways and fairly easy to get to NYC. When people hear you're from NJ, the first question is usually "Which exit?" You have a lot of good options in NJ, you can live in somewhat rural area, seashore (a bit congested for me), or you can live near our DeeMarie in the North. The best part is that their winters are less severe than our's - although the last few years they may have gotten more snow - but it doesn't hang around that long.

That's enough from me.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2004 at 3:23PM
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Moved this from the earlier thread:

POSTED BY: magickitty on
Wed, Jul 7, 04 at 15:12

Sounds like everyone had a great holiday.... including me. I am up for a cheat free week starting Thursday..... I am trying to detox from my obnoxious weekend in Ohio. Had a ton of fun. Seriously and I feel like a ton... ahahahha. We ate, drank and I was never in bed before 3:00 am. I am too old for that and do have to pay for it days after. So I welcome the SS WOE level I once again.
Marci thanks for the hand.... I am gonna take it and BJ, thanks for the boost up.

I have already snapped at my husband for letting me get so off track so soon. I guess I am using him as my scape goat.
He is such a trooper. However....he loses so much more quickly than I do. I think he feels guilty.

WE hired a licensed and bonded pet sitter while we were away and it went well... she even brought in our mail. Has anyone ever used one before????? I liked it. Cats were just fine. They gave me attitude for the first couple hours I was home and then couldn't get enough of me. They kept looking for my husband, (who won't be home for another week).

    Bookmark   July 7, 2004 at 3:26PM
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Besh - I got so carried away with my post that I forgot to mention how much I loved your the Dr. Scholl's you designed. Good job!!!

Thanks Marci for posting the photo and the update on Patti.

Patti - we miss you and hope you are feeling better.

Let's hear from the rest of you. Joanne, Jen, Maddie, Amy, John (did we lose you brother?), KY Susie.

NH Suzanne - I guess you are still trying to increase sales - let us know about SP and Casey - I'm keeping those positive thoughts flowing.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2004 at 3:26PM
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This is a warning - if no one else answers the QOD then BJ will be forced to live by me LOL.

MagicKitty - I am glad you had a great weekend. I never used a pet sitter and I don't think they have them near me.

BJ - I realized now that I didn't even touch on the cultural aspects of our town. Within an hour's drive (nothing for you) we have a huge variety of choices.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2004 at 6:16PM
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Good morning all!

I miss youse guys sooooo much!!!! I don't have a computer at work, much less net access, so I am having MAJOR wiithdrawal symptoms! (Actually, a couple does, but it's hard to get to them during the day)

I've done several open houses during the evenings after work, so I haven't have a chance to read and catch up on everyone--I will over the weekend though--

I hope this finds everyone well--

Love and hugs and much missing--


    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 7:39AM
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I am here, just so dang swamped with work! Raeanne, I am still not sure if we are going to be here when you are in town. Have you emailed me your plans?? I don't think I have received them.

Suzanne: News on SP and Casey?? We need to hear..

BJ: slow down will ya?? I have a mental picture of the Tasmanian Devil when I think of you.

Question of the Week: (3 parts)

1. What do you like MOST about your life and where you live?

That is a tough question BJ?? My life?? I can answer about where I live though. Having lived in a rural area for 18 years in CA, it is nice to live where one is CLOSE to everything. What used to take a day to accomplish, takes an hour. I had to drive down a mountain in CA to go to the grocery store or CostCO. Now they are 5 minutes away. I LOVE THAT. I love that the airport is just down the tollway from me. I love that I can walk to the train station and be in downtown Chicago in less than 45 minutes. I LOVE the food here too. I LOVE the change of seasons too.

2. What do you LEAST like about where you live? I thought I wouldn't miss the ocean but I do. I miss the smell. I could do without the humidity in the summer too.

3. Do you live near friends or family? And if so, how often do you get together with them? I am a lot closer than I was when I lived in CA that is for sure. My brother lives about an hour from here and we get together at least once a month for lunch. He only works about 20 minutes from my office. My parents live in Atlanta along with my sister. I get to see them at least twice a year. I LOVE THAT. I never got to see them when I was in CA.

AMY: We need to hear how your visit was with your family!! OR did I miss that too??


    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 11:29AM
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Gretchen - Thanks for saying hi, I'm still here.

QOD - The plus points of living here - ocean on one side, mountains on the other. Lots of spiritual things going on, deep connectedness with the land. Trade winds, rain, nature. It's fun to live in a place that people all over the world think of as paradise. I posted some pics on another forum, and it looks like a beautiful place. Trees in bloom all year round. People having an extra room in their backyard, eating and partying outside. Things available to do, like swimming with dolphins, snorkling, surfing. Egrets, mynah birds, doves, etc.

Disadvantages - Less drama in the seasons. We have seasons, but they are different. Here, there are leaves turning brown and falling all year round, just not all at the same time. More things bloom between May and October.

For relatives, my closest relatives live 4000 miles away, and this is the first time I've seen them in nearly three years. Son Dave says it shouldn't be so long next time. He and granddaughters got here Monday night. My illness is frustrating for me since I can't go with them most places. So far they have been driving around looking at sights and swimming in the ocean. This morning we are going out to breakfast. Still don't hear anything from the other son - it's been a couple of years. I've sent him chocolate covered nuts for Christmas and birthdays, and notes and cards, but nothing back. He still works at the same place, because I called and checked, and his address is still the same. I'm going to stop sending him things. I feel like every time I reach out, it just gives him another chance to reject me.

I'll post this so I don't lose it and hopefully be back later. I hope everyone has a great day.


    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 1:00PM
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Hi Everyone,

I am here but so swamped at work and exhausted from my late nights in the barn. Sweet Pea is still holding her own. I got xray results and her coffin bone has rotated 8 degrees which is significant. We will be doing some special trimming of her hooves based on what the farrier sees in the xrays. In the meantime, my sister, who is a massage therapist has been coming over in the evenings and doing massage work on her. We are using a great products that has arnica, rosemary, lavender and lobelia. It seems to be helping the circulation in her feet and she is enjoying it. I am feeling hopeful but I don't think she is going to be sound anytime soon. Still her spirits are good and I don't think she is very uncomfortable if at all. Raeanne, you will be interested to know that my sister is using Reiki on her too.

Casey is doing fine but has another injection scheduled for next week. This may be a messy thing for her. While it's not malignant it will spread and could be difficult to get out. Time will tell. She is a brave heart!

Work is a drag right now as I want to be in the barn with SP. She isn't locked up or anything but I would like to be closer to her while she is sick.

Gretchen it's good to hear from you. And I thought you couldn't take the country out of the girl! You are a real convert you are!

Raeanne, it's interesting to watch my sister work on SP. She is very gifted and has a great touch on her. I really think that this work is having a positive affect on her. It's touching because my sister is afraid of horses and it's a big thing for her to be doing this and touching her and working on her. I think it might be therapeutic for her as well as SP.

BJ, good to hear from you. I love your QOD and will answer it but don't have time right this minute. I will. Glad things are good for you.

Amy, great to see you post too. Hope you enjoy your visit with DS.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 3:49PM
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Hi Guys!

Happy Thursday!

John, are you ready to watch "ALF's Big Hit Talk Show", premiering this week on TV Land? I thought of you as soon as I read it. Check in, man.

BESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My gawd! I love those shoes you painted! I always thought of Dr. Scholl's a a birth control device, but no more! Those are gorgeous---so cut! Great idea, the paint and design. Yay for you. Now, what kind of paint did you use, girlfriend?????

Jen, the pics of the girls are SO delightful. I love the determination in which big sister is feeding little sister the ice cream---the expression is priceless. I know you're busy, but we really do appreciate seeing the girls growing up. Thanks for sharing.

Amy---Great to hear from you! I would really move to Kauai in a second. I love the weather, trails, photo ops, history, and people. DH says he will never live there, so when he kicks the bucket, you know where you can find me---lol. Glad you are getting to vsit with your family, but sad you are limited in your sightseeings. It's just great they could all fly over there though, to see special you!

Hope DeeMarie is minding her points on the cruise. You know "Will Power" has her picture by it in the dictionary.

Marci~Don't be so quiet! Although, after a year of preschool, quiet is probably just what the doc ordered! Have you ever heard of Signing Time? It's a series of DVDs for kids on sign language. We're starting it next week, so we can learn some signs. Our neighbor here is deaf and we like to talk. She reads lips well, but I still want to make more of an effort with her through signing.

I'm having our other set of neighbors over for dinner tonight. Last week's Korean BBQ was a success! We're trying for dinner with a potential friend, neighbor, or family member once a week here. Keep the house clean and is something for me to look forward to, since I am rather friendless here and out of my element.

Did I say we saw a huge bull moose the other day?---just off the side of the road. It was munching willows and we watched it for quite a while. Thrilling, really.

Gretchen, your answers sound like mine for the Seattle area, down to missing the smell (and sound) of the ocean. However, I will answer my own questions now: (!)

1. What do you like most about your life and where you live? I love life and my life is full with activity, but I have a slight void in the personal fulfillment category. I'm working on that. I love being NEAR the city and arts and convenience. I love the parks and woods and water/beaches within a short driving distance. I love being able to drive to the next state and visit Portland, Oregon, in less than 4 hours.

2. What do like least about where you live? The people are a little quirky, very liberal, but great at discussing current events. The winter RAIN lasts a LONG time and summers are short. Traffic, however, is the WORST. Sometimes during the day, you shouldn't even leave the house because you'll be in the freeway or side street "parking lots", as we call them. And the politcians and powers that be are doing nothing toward a mass transit system. arg.

3. Do you live near friends and family? No, not really. My DH's aunt and uncle live an hour away, but we rarely see them. I love the Port of Seattle airport, though, since most people (and my family) stop through Seattle on the way to the Lower 48. With more direct flights, though, less are stopping here. I see all my family members at least once a year for a time, as I and the kids travel to them. My in-laws travel to us every 90 days for 3 or 4 days.

Raeanne~ I approached DH with NJ last night---big NO. But he said he'd love to live in upstate NY. BRRRRRRR for me! I moved from Alaska to get away from long, cold winters. We took a quiz on places to live and his were all cold; mine warm. WHAT NOW? lol.

Maddie! It's good to hear from you. I expect a full report this weekend. I just realized I never really filled this group in on our KY meeting. So:

Maddie and I met at the Derby picnic and just flew into a comfortable, easy conversation. When I meet up with Maddie, it's like we never left each other. We get into each other's space and share easily. She reminds me that there are people out there that I can have as non-family sisters, although my dad and mom would adopt her in a second, if they could! Maddie fits into our family and group of friends and it's getting harder to slip away with her at the picnic as the years go on. She has captured the hearts of the circle and has been embraced---actually, I can't imagine the day without her. I looked forward to the day with her with excitement and when it ended, it was a long, kinda sad goodbye. We never get enough pictures and never have enough time together. See you next year, Maddie!

Now, to the diet chat: I've been good, but feel like I'm gaining. I gotta cave and buy a scale or I'll go crazy. I checked out Curves, but it's out of the budget question. They want 149 to sign on, and 39 a month--too much for just a 2-month membership, so I'm scouting other options.

NHSuzanne~ How are you doing with Sweet Pea? Report! :)

See ya tomorrow!

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 4:14PM
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NHSuzanne: Well, while I was writing my book, our messages overlapped. Good to hear that SP has such a great support group. Well wishes and strength to you, sis. Hang in there. I would have hoped that work would sort of be a distraction for you, but your love for Sweet Pea and Casey is stronger than that. You are a true animal lover---your horses are very lucky to have you.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 4:19PM
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BJ, thanks. I was happy with the way they turned out and my sister loved them. I am doing another pair for my girlfriends 50th birthday, but I have not decided what to do with them yet. I just used regular craft paint, you know the kind that is sold in those little bottles. It took about 3 coats of the purple to cover. The vines are a stencil, as well as the hearts. I then used the spray polyurethane and gave them about 6 coats. A friend of mine had done a pair and taped off the leather. I unscrewed the upper part and then put it back on, much easier.

Suzanne, I am happy to hear about your babies. I hope that they both continue to improve. My sister has a horse massage therapist come to her barn often. She says the benefits are great.

Amy, so happy to hear from you. I am glad that you are having some time with your family. I hope that it is not so much time in between the next visit.

Gretchen and Maddie, thanks for checking in. It is funny how much I think about everyone here and do get concerned when someone is MIA. Maddie, I am so happy that you love your job. You sound like you are having so much fun. Gretchen, any news about purchasing your company yet?

Raeanne, please send me some positive energy for my sunburn. I got the worse one on my back yesterday painting our house shutters. Plese work your magic!!!

Marci, thanks for posting my pictures and maintaining that site for all of us. I really appreciate it as I am sure everyone else does.

QOD: 1. What I like most about my life is that my kids are at ages now that I have a little more freedom. I love my job and I love having the summers off. I also feel that DH and I are in a good place after 25 years of marriage. I can't imagine having an awful relationship. Life is hard enough. What I like about where I live, I don't really know any other place. I was born and raised here. I love the culture and the feel of living in an historic city. There are funky little side streets with funky little houses. There are shops and restaurants. There is so much history here, that sometimes I take it for granted. I also like that I can jump on the train and be in Boston in about 30 minutes. Most of all, I LOVE the ocean. If I ever was to move, it would always be on the coast. I have about a 10 - 12 minute drive to the beach, but last night you could smell the ocean. I love that.

2. I know everyone has heard this before, but I hate the tourist season, which goes from Memorial Day to November 1st. Halloween around here just S*cks, with a capital S. The traffic is just ridiculous and it does not seem to matter what the powers that be do to rectify it, it just is awful.

3. All of my family is within a one hour drive from me. My friends are all local, except my good friend Stephanie that lives in Viriginia and ofcourse all of my SS sisters! I see my family quite often, in fact I had lunch with Pete today. Saw my Mom over the weekend and have plans to see my sister next week. My other brother Jack keeps his boat at the same marina as us, so I see him weekly during the summer months.

DS #2 is getting hungry and starting to hang around me, so I better run and feed the little critter!

Love, Besh

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 5:26PM
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Part 2 about What I love about my life...

I have had more time to think about it! What I absolutely love about my life is how my children are turning into wonderful adults. I love watchingt them in their lives. I LOVE that my daughter and I really don't fight and we can laugh over the silliest things. I LOVE that she tells me more than most of her friends tell their Moms. I LOVE that she told me the other day that she could never see telling her friends that she hates her mom. I am just too much fun she tells me. I love that I have a job that affords me the luxury of being able to see my daughter play all of her sports. I don't like that I have not made more time for me. I wish that I could take more time and work out. I miss that about where I used to live. I had a place in CA that I could go and roller blade 5 miles. It was around a lake and at the very end of this long trek, I could look out and see the ocean. What a welcome reward after a long workoutl. I broke my wrist at this place too! I learned that you need to wear wrist guards when you do things like roller blade. I have some nice scars from the surgery to repair it.

Oh I knew I could figure out what I loved about my life.



PS Welcome to the newcomers. Please stay and contribute...we love learning things about you!

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 10:14PM
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aha, I just concentrated on what I love about where I live and not my LIFE. There is so much I love about my life and feel so blessed and fortunate to have a good life. I love that I have grown so much over the past few years and that is mainly due to where I live and the people I have met. I love that I have a great relationship with my kids and DH. I love that the 50's look like they will be even more fun than the 40's - if that's possible LOL. I also love working 2 minutes from home (even though I moan about my job sometimes). I love waking up each day and looking out on the most glorious lake I have ever seen. That's enough about me.

NH Suzanne - sounds like SP is getting the royal treatment and in the best of hands. I agree with BJ, your pets are very lucky to have you.

BJ - I love the thought that maybe your DH will drag you to upstate NY LOL.

Besh - I will send you positive thoughts for relief from your sunburn. I got a little sunburn yesterday too, it didn't feel that strong.

Gret - I am waiting to find out when the rehearsal dinner is and then I will send you my itinerary. I know I will have some free time on Friday, the 23rd and probably early day on Saturday. Looks like we will be leaving early Sunday morning.

I loved reading all the answers to QOD - but BJ, I think you need to move to my neighborhood - you will have to join me in Cancun in the winter LOL.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2004 at 10:29PM
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Good Morning All,

I love all of your answers about what you love about your life and I want to contribute but I have some sad news to report.

Last night DH came home and announced that he is leaving me. Very calmly, told me there was nothing in this (relationship) for him anymore and that he was not going to live in NH in a house with animals one minute longer than he had to. He thinks I should board the horses and find an apartment as soon as I can. Needless to say I am shocked. I knew he has been depressed and unhappy for some time and is not dealing with it any way but I never thought he was going to leave me. He assures me it has nothing to do with another realationship. In fact, he says he never wants to live with another woman again! I tried to reamin calm and suggest therapy again, etc. He refuses. When the conversation began to go nowhere I went to the barn and called my sister. We sat in the barn during one of the worst thunderstorms that I have experienced in a long time and tried to figure out what to do.

First and foremost, I do not wish to leave my home and board my animals. So I need to try to figure out how I can support this litte farm by myself. I also need to go see a lawyer as DH used lanugage like wants a legal seperation, etc which may mean he has seen a lawyer. I haven't asked.

This morning I am exhausted and can't think straight. I am thinking about how selfish this is of him. How worse could the timing be? I have a terribly sick horse.........Wednesday was my 14th anniversary! He told me that day, via phone message, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

I have to pull myself together and get to work. God knows I am going to need my job. It's been hard enough to concentrate without this mess too.

Sorry to be such a downer, I just had to share and get your thoughts from you all. I am struggling not to lose it right now and I imagine the day is going to be just like this!

I will check in later.

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 6:30AM
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Oh No, Suzanne, I am so very sorry. I can not think of one thing to say other than I will always be here for a shoulder to lean on. Is he willing to do anything to help your marriage or is his decision final? It seems so terribly unfair of him to just make this announcement and then leave the rest up to you. Please know that we are all here for you. ((((LOVE and HUGS))))

Love, Besh

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 9:53AM
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NH Suzanne - I feel like I was just punched in the stomach - I can't imagine how you feel. I'm glad your sister was able to be with you last night. I wish I had words to share with you that would fix everything - but I don't. Like Besh, I offer you my shoulder. Please know that I am here for you, anytime. I also feel badly for DH, as it sounds like he needs some help and is not willing to get it right now - I hope that he does seek out some professional help soon. If you don't want to leave your farm DON'T until a lawyer tells you to. I believe that if you leave, he can say that you left him - I'm not familiar with NH laws, but I have heard of that happening. If he is talking like that, find a good lawyer asap. ((((((HUGS))))) love ya.

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 11:20AM
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NHSuzanne - I am so sorry that DH has put you in this situation. I remember that you and DH were going to counseling before and I had hoped that you had worked out your differences. I agree with Raeanne that you SHOULD NOT move out of your home. If DH is serious about this, he should be the one to move. And I would agree that you should see a lawyer, ASAP. I don't know the size of your farm or your barn, but maybe there would be a way for you to board some horses to help with expenses. Once you see a lawyer, you will know what your options are. This is not the time to make any rash decisions. You know we are here for you, so please don't feel bad about posting news, good or bad. We care about you and want to support you, no matter what your situation. That is what "sisters" are for!!


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 12:08PM
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First, ((((((((HUGS)))))))) and much love. It probably feels like the world is crumbling around you right now. You are right to go to work and continue your daily routines. It's what keeps us sane in these situations.

Now, beings that I've been through what you're experienceing THREE times, I can tell you that, whatever happens, things WILL turn out the way they're supposed to and one day, and , although you won't probably value this experience (I never did), it will contribute to your personal growth and understanding of people. I know, blah, blah, blah. But it's really true. Two of my husbands have left me for "no reason" and said that they were done with women. I was crushed. Well, both of them remarried and so have I, even though I detested men after my splits. My third husband has gone through this twice with me- we are 12 years together- he did it at about the 7 year point and again last year. Raeanne knows all about my crisis, as she helped me get on the track with her email support and cards and listening ear. Gretchen was also very sopportive and sent me a card that was so heartfelt, I felt as if she read my mind. (((((((Thanks you guys.)))))))) It's pretty amazing what goes on behind the scenes here. So, NHSuzanne, this is a VERY good place.

I have to tell you, though, that I lost my lovely dog Sapphire over it. I didn't want to share bad news, but I had to surrender her to foster care and adoption through a no-kill shelter about a month and a half ago, which is why I haven't talked about her. It was a deal breaker for my marriage, and I made the choice. :( She will have a new family very soon. Life throws some weird, bad-feeling curves sometimes, doesn't it?

Anyway, make some decisions. Do you want to try and save the relationship? Just figuring this one question out helps a lot. Then move forward on the YES or NO.

If YES: You CAN try, and well, if he's just asking for a legal separation, then he may not be sure of what he's doing. My current DH needed space and was terribly unhappy in his midlife and finally, after I BEGGED him, yeah, yeah, crying, pleading---ALL THAT- I'm not too proud--he went through 3 counselors with me and we finally found one who saved us - for now. Nothing for granted, but it looks good. Of course, I thought he was extremely selfish to think about leaving all these kids and me and then again, I thought the same when we had to buckle down on the budget when he decided to go back to college for 3 years and give up his career when I was just beginning to start mine! lol. Well, I decided to stay and so I have to accept the circumstances. Humphhhh.

If NO, then get a business plan. Start talking about boarding horses and see what you need to get this going. Take the farm back!!!--- and go into SAVE YOURSELF mode! You have every strength to keep that place and run it like a business. Can the place support itself? Is it realistic and are you willing to put in a boatload of work to do so? How's your support system around there? Stop trying to figure HIM out and move on. He'll be outta there if you choose so.

SURVIVE first. You have a good family and a great sister. And it's likely you will get to keep your animals; check into a "friend"-ly boarding situation, just in case. Your friends may keep the horses for a time, if worse comes to worst.

*****Call a lawyer and check out your options. TODAY.*****

I hope you and DH are able to work toward whatever is supposed to be and whatever fate has planned to happen.

We are here to listen to you-whether it be happy or sad or mad. We love you. Check in frequently beacause we are all here, worrying about you and sending you our positive thoughts. YOUR LIFE WILL TURN OUT OKAY; that's the main thing. Storms never last, but they always seem like they will.

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 12:18PM
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NHSuzanne~ Looks like Marci and I posted at the same time. Looks like I echoed some of her sentiments. Sorry for the repeats. ((((((HUGS))))) and (((((((HUGGLES)))))))

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 12:20PM
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BJ - You and I may have expressed some of the same sentiments, but you are speaking from experience and that is worth far more than all the words that I posted.
I always value your opinion and you have given NHSuzanne some great advice. And I agree that every woman that I know who has gone through a divorce, has come out stronger in the end by finding hidden strengths and taking it one day at a time.

I am so sorry to hear about Sapphire. Sometimes we do have to make difficult decisions in order to make someone else happy, but it is sad nevertheless. (((BJ)))


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 12:41PM
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Suzanne - I am sorry for what has happened. someone mentioned when I first signed in here that it is a great support system other than WOE, and from what I've read so far, it sure sounds like you have alot of people to help you through this......and I too am offering a shoulder or helping hand. Men can be such &%^$#@!

I was married for 8 yrs and got divorced....I was miserable in the marriage, so it was the best thing, but I basically walked away from everything which was a mistake..... Please keep whatever you can get your hands on. Even the littlest things count.

You were married 14 yrs? And he said you were the greatest thing that ever happened to him......and then this..... He needs to seek help. I agree with whomever said that.

I hope things get brighter for you, in the meantime I am offering you this ((((hug)))).


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 1:09PM
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My eyes are watering reading all of these posts. This is the best group and I wanted to let you know that I love and appreciate you all.

Love, Besh

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 1:15PM
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NH Suzanne - the more I think about your situation, the worse I feel and the more I wish I could help you. I am FAR from a therapist, but, I was wondering if your DH doesn't feel he is worthy of you and all your love and compassion. Do you think this may be part of his problem?
Hang in there girlfriend - we are always just a click away.

Besh - you are right - we are the best group and that is why we MUST get together in April.

BJ - ((((HUGS)))) to you and Sapphire. Relationships are made up of compromise, some are easier than others. I know that was a tough one for you, but I am sure Sapphire has found a new loving home and will always be grateful to have owned you at one time.

    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 2:36PM
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Since DeeMarie is away right now, I'll say it:

(((((((((((GROUP HUG))))))))))))))


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 3:00PM
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I am new here but wanted to add my thoughts.

NH Suzanne, You have gotten some REALLY good advice here. I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way. This seems like a really GREAT support group.


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 5:39PM
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Oh my Gosh!!!! heart is breaking for you and how I wish we were all closer to you because you know that we would be there in a minute to help you through this. I won't repeat the advice everyone has given you. There are several of us who have had first hand experience with the whole marriage dissolving thing. I am just so sorry. It is a tough road to travel and know that we will be here to help you through it. We love you! I have to agree with everyone else...we are a special group of ladies.....

Love you all...


    Bookmark   July 9, 2004 at 10:50PM
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Hi everyone....It's finally Saturday!

((((((((NHSuzanne)))))))))))))) Hope you and DH are doing okay.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2004 at 1:46PM
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Suzanne: I don't know if I what I said seemed to diminish what you going through.."marriage dissolving thing"..when I went back and read that...I didn't like the way it sounded. What you are going through is horrible and I feel so bad for you. You are so kind and supportive of all of us...please lean on us here...


    Bookmark   July 11, 2004 at 9:41AM
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Sunday..... greetings!

As we check in here, our minds and positive, supportive thoughts are with NHSuzanne----hope you are making it through the weekend okay. Being around someone who dropped that kind of a bomb is not easy. I remember my first days after my exes made the decision to leave. In hindsight, I had the thought that it could happen in my mind, but I was an optimist and also denied what was happening somewhat. I was mad, sad, stong, weak; I felt crazy sometimes! Then the ex and I would go between talking and arguing, and finally, after a long time, things turn out however they do. I hope you continue to check in and vent when you need to. (((((((HUGS)))))) everyone here really wants to help in some way, if they can.

The weather here is still in the 80's. With no a/c, the days are HOT and the nights are too. We went to a small festival yesterday and they had a wonderful parade. Then my sis and co came for dinner. Another sis is coming today from out of town, with her kids and hub. I will keep her son for a week while she and her DH hike a 40 mile deep forest trail. Needless to say, I'm excited and apprehensive for her.

I'm off to get the house ready and do my Sunday wash. Check in if you can, guys.

    Bookmark   July 11, 2004 at 12:21PM
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Here I am again. So many things going on everywhere - on the board and in people's lives. NH Suzanne, I think we all know what it feels like to have your life suddenly threaten to turn upside down on you. BJ has some good advice, and has survived pretty much everything and come out ahead.

DeeMarie, I read about your brother some days ago, and was glad to see that you came to some resolutions. I don't mention it, but I think about it from time to time. I have had no contact with one of my sons and one of my brothers for two years.

My friend that I talked about that I developed a relationship with over the internet is very bitter and unhappy. He hasn't taken that out on me, but I have concerns about his ability to go in a positive direction. It's one of those things where I have to accept that I don't make choices for other people, but sometimes it's painful to see someone whom you admire and care for be destructive and unappreciative with themselves.

I'd like to share a site with you that a friend of mine has put together. It's called Eco-Mama. Here is part of the description from her site:
Environment: Eco-Mama products are produced in ways that reduce harm to the environment and are reusable and/or recyclable. Many of the products like diapers and cloth pads reduce a familys waste considerably as well as save valuable resources and money. Also, I reuse all boxes and packing materials that I receive and encourage my customers to do the same.
I'll put the link below.

Back later

    Bookmark   July 11, 2004 at 2:41PM
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This is a double post. We are not supposed to do that on some other forums that I frequent, but here there is no edit feature, so we have to add.

I'd like to share something more about what I love about my life.

I love some of the decisions that I have made. I decided years ago that every action strengthens the belief it was based on, and so I decided to always make my choices from a base of love rather than a base of fear or anger. I'm happy with the results of that.

I also decided to switch (years ago) from acting from a base of desperation. I would get up every morning and say "What would I do today if I didn't feel desperate?" and then I would do that. Choices and actions can be powerful.

I love my cat and the loving people in my life.

I love the mornings, the breeze, the ever-changing sky, the sound of the surf, the flowers, the feral cats, the birds.

I love my art, and other forms of art, music, and dramatic expression. I love love, though it can get entangled and confusing.

I love technology, but I wonder how things will go for the world. I love the adventure, and I believe in what we are doing, even if we are not entirely sure what it is.

Now my grandkids are up, their father is at the beach doing his tai chi (in the water) and we have to have breakfast. Love to all. (((((HUGS)))))


    Bookmark   July 11, 2004 at 2:55PM
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