Today is a new beginning (I hope)
I am a total mess......yesterday I went to the doctor's office for my labwork/checkup and I weighed in at 232 pounds. I am only 5'6", almost 58 years old and have never, ever been this big in my life.
My life has been a roller coaster the last 6 years, and I was doing so good before the spiral. In 2002, a friend and I joined WW, and started a vigorous exercise program that included walking a minimum of 4 miles a day, and alternate days of weights. I lost 47 pounds and felt better than I ever felt in my life. I was 3 pounds from my goal weight of 150 and stopped, thinking I could do it on my own, that I "knew" everything. Right before I stopped, I remember our instructor asking me what was I afraid of, because I kept struggling to lose those last 3 pounds? Shortly thereafter, my husband became seriously ill and our lives were turned upside down. Fortunately, in time, he got well. Then, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2003, father-in-law was admitted to the nursing home with dementia and other illnesses. In 2005 Katrina hit and took away everything we owned - our home, our neighborhood, our friends all moved away, including my walking buddy. Until November, 2007, we lived in a loaned camper trailer and then a dangerous apartment complex until we were able to build a new home, in a new subdivision. Oh, and in the midst of all of this trauma, I dove into menopause.
I don't know any of my neighbors, which are few, because this is a new section of the subdivision. I am disgusted with myself and feel the disgust of others when they look at me. I just need to get started, but feel so weighed down, literally.
I am fatter than anyone I know, and that includes my husband. I have cried while typing this. I got off of my antidepressant in January (thinking it was making me fat) and really don't want to get back on one.
I'm not writing this for sympathy. People suffer every day, and we are fortunate to have a roof over our heads.
My own doctor does not see any reason for concern, thinks I'm relatively healthy. But he's never seen me at a decent weight, so what does he know? My husband says I just need to stop eating, (duh.)
Anyway, I will see how today goes. Please pardon the rambling. If anyone has been as miserable as me and moved forward, please show me the way. Thanks for listening.