Anyone remember the thread about DH's disasters?

lazylanerJuly 24, 2002

Quite a while back there was an uproariously funny thread about some of the havoc our beloved hubbies have wreaked, trying to fix things around the house.

I'm in the market for another side-splitting laugh and wondered if it got saved anywhere.

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I don't remember that post, but my ex husband was as dumb as a stump when it came to being handy!!

A few examples:

While putting together a large wooden cabinet, he held the next nail between his teeth. He sneezed, and while taking in that big breath right before, he inhaled the nail.

He tried to use a claw hammer to pry off a bathtub faucet that he was changing a washer on (didn't notice that big ol screw on the front lol) broke the solder on the pipes, caused a big water fall.

He has put cabinet doors on backwards, handles upside down, broken windows, etc.

There are more, but I would need more space than this to list them all.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2002 at 2:16AM
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Inhaled a nail? HE DID NOT!!!!!

Oh my, how did he ever live that one down?

    Bookmark   July 25, 2002 at 7:48AM
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My wonderful Engineer husband is great at his profession but I shudder whenever he wants to try to help w/house projects. We decided to buy a pressure washer for our house. He decided to try it out on the deck and clean off the patio furniture. When I got out of the shower, my nice dark brown stained deck had swirls all over the floor boards and railing where he accidentally got too close and stripped the stain right off down to the wood! I had to strip the deck and restain! He also managed to 'clean' the furniture but stripped the protective coating off of it and it mildewed and rusted within a month so it's all gone!

Our backyard is lined by by 25 ft. Redtips on each side and Holly Trees along the back. We have a fence so we need to trim back the lower branches so we can mow. My Holly's were (notice past tense) beautiful and full of berries. The neighbors came over during the winter to get trimmings for their fireplaces and baskets - they were just perfect little Christmas trees. Once again, I get out of the shower and look out the bathroom window and they were HACKED! He took the loppers and lopped all the lower branches off to the trunk from head level to foot. That was 6 years ago and they still aren't back to their shape. I almost cried and he apologized when I showed him how we just use the electric hedge clipper to trim them back. Next project!

The Redtips have grown wider and over into the driveway and we don't want them to scrape the cars. I am up in my office working and look down over the driveway and he ONCE AGAIN lopped the first 8 trees all the way back to the trunk and the trees are now half canapy on only one side. I had to bang on the window, run downstairs and he looked so sheepish! I couldn't yell but I asked him if he had Holly tree memory. I showed him AGAIN how to trim with the hedge trimmers and he was just in awe at how quick and easy it was plus it didn't look like poop! I had to laugh.

Latest oopsie was with my prize possession: my Suburban. I ordered it special back in '97 for my 2 Golden Retrievers and it's really their truck. We had a problem w/a bird who fell in love and kept trying to mate with it's reflection in my side windows and mirrors. We tried bags over the side mirrors, moving owls, etc. but the bird wouldn't give up. He pooed all over my truck so we had to keep washing it. Dearest hubs decided to clean it one day for me and I greatly appreciated it. About a month later I went to leave and noticed scratch marks all under my driver's side mirror and ran inside to tell hubs. The swear words were flying and I called that poor bird all kinds of names. Hubs looked up sheepishly and said it wasn't the bird! He couldn't get all the poo off so he used my kitchen sponge that has the attached brillo pad and scrubbed the poo off. He went running to the neighbors when he realized what he did and talked to them about any buffing compounds to get cover the scratches. He was so apologetic I just had to laugh! An engineer, or ANYONE, who doesn't think a brillo pad will scratch paint? Come on! He said he was just hell bent on getting the bird mess off my truck. A couple of weeks later I was washing my truck and found 4 more areas where he "scrubbed" and he admitted they were all him. You know, the truck is just a thing so stuff happens and it wasn't intentional. It'll be fixed but we've had a lot of good laughs about his project work.

Hope these make you chuckle - they do me!

    Bookmark   July 25, 2002 at 11:10AM
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Well, I AM a DH. Here's a story from my teenage days doing maintenance and janitorial work at my church. They had evaporative ("swamp") coolers that needed new copper tubing for the water lines. My boss showed me up in the ceiling where some old copper lines were not being used that I could salvage tubing from. Having used all that up I got clever and decided to follow the lines to the basement and get more tubing from that end. Wound up cutting into the high pressure freon line for the refrigerated AC system. Red semi-gas semi-liquid stuff hit me in the face (they put dye in so you can see leaks - boy did we have a leak! and I had a big red swath on the side of my head). Drained the whole system before they got it patched. Probably cost 10 times more for the emergency repair call and the new freon than a roll of copper tubing would have. They were forgiving (Catholics, after all) and did not fire me.

Thankfully I have learned from many mistakes and from watching my dad screw things up. I am now the family repairman, the go-to guy for advice on fixing, cleaning and building stuff. We DHs must learn from our disasters!

ps re engineers, I have rarely met one who could turn a wrench properly, even though they can mathematically describe such an action to the nth degree. Nature of the beast. Can't blame the leopard for his spots?

    Bookmark   July 25, 2002 at 2:19PM
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This story was told to me and co workers about 20 years ago. The perpetrator also worked with us, and I still can't believe he was (1) dumb enough to do this and (2) dumb enough to TELL US!!! I work in the telecommunications industry and at that time we got new electronic switching equipment delivered to the telephone office to replace the old electromechanical junk - dating from the '20s. The new stuff was packed in many wooden boxes and he got permission to take the wood home. He told us he used it to build a deck for his above ground swimming pool. Bear in mind that this was raw wood in varying sizes. He said he used 1 x 4's for the deck surface itself, and when they ran out switched to 1x3's half way across and even 1'2's at the end. I wouldn't be surprised if he was straightening out & reusing the nails!!!! We asked him what king of wood sealer he was using and he said he didn't think he needed any. Two years later the deck collapsed, tore down the side of his pool & sent a miniature tidal wave across his backyard and into his neighbor's basement. He told us about this mishap too!!! Can't understand why he always got mad when we laughed at him!!!!

    Bookmark   July 25, 2002 at 3:11PM
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I shouldnt tell this because I love my DH to death, but sometimes I DO wonder what he's thinking! We had just moved into a beautiful new home (our first) and the master bathroom door opened out to the master bedroom. In doing so, it drug very badly on the carpet. My husband decided to take the door off, use the wood device that shaves off just a bit off wood at a time (not sure what its called), it carefully does this until he's sure it will swing without touching the carpet, gingerly hangs the door, putting everything back the way it was then calls me to do the first "test swing"...well, he had shaved off the wrong end and the top had about a 2" clearance...the bottom still drug!! Poor guy, and poor me...we were newlyweds and up until that moment, I thought he could do ANYTHING! :)

    Bookmark   July 26, 2002 at 9:37AM
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I can't believe I forgot to add one of the biggest things he screwed up to my post above.

When we first got married, we had a Ford Probe. Ex DH (read as dumb husband) was washing the car & cleaning the interior.
The plastic over the guages must have had a leak in it because there was a slight fog on the inside surface of the plastic.

This genius decided he would simply remove it, wipe it, and put it back on.

He tore off half the dash board getting to it, part of the steering column, and the lever for the cruise conrol.

When he pulled the lever off, a tiny silver ball came out, and we never had cruise control again. He did manage to get it all put back together, except that plastic covering the guages. It no longer had the moisture inside, but he put it in at an angle so that most of the time, it had light reflecting off of it so u couldn't see anyway.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2002 at 1:39PM
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Until I'd been married for a while I thought all guys were handy. I didn't marry a handy one, I married an attorney who barely knows one end of a hammer from the other, God love him!

He misread the directions to the pool equipment. Instead of backwashing the filter monthly and breaking it down twice a year for a thorough cleaning, he just backwashed it twice a year. Had to replace all the grids after a few years of this.

He was also a bit thorough with the pruning shears once and cut my flowering vines to the ground. He helped me paint once. I wasn't sure of his ability in this area so I assigned him the stair well to the basement and gave him a can of primer. Those big sags and drips aren't so obvious in the shadows of the stairwell!

Not everyone has handy skills or even cares!

    Bookmark   July 26, 2002 at 6:02PM
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My dh is handier than most, but still gives himself ample opportunity to be laughed at. Two incidents in the past two weeks:
First, he was supposed to hang rather heavy candle sconces on the wall for me. This type of serious business required him to go buy a stud finder so that he could locate a stud. I heard cursing and went in to find him reading the book that came with the thing because it wouldn't work. He thought it must be a dud. I took one look at it and casually asked if it needed batteries. The look on his face was so priceless I couln't contain myself.
Second, we bought a 55 inch digital tv, and dh could hardly wait to hook it up. It all went well until he connected the DVD player and found that he had video, but no audio. Half an hour and more cursing later, I went in to survey. There he is, huffed up with book in hand. I picked up the remote and turned up the volume. Voila, sound! I had a second good laugh at his expense, but I don't believe it was appreciated. Manly men hate to be laughed at! I love him anyway!

    Bookmark   July 27, 2002 at 10:20AM
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Hey, thanks all, for the great laughs...and for reminding me I'm not alone in having a dh who's not handy. He's a wonderful writer and poet but I try to keep work tools from him. Here's my favorite: We were building our home and had one more ceiling rafter to put in, just before Thanksgiving. He dropped his end of it and it crashed down onto the stove, shearing off the oven knob. We ate out that year.

    Bookmark   July 27, 2002 at 7:49PM
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My husband is very handy, but for some reason he got the bright idea to film while going down Splash Mountain at Disney... We watched the playback once (nice angle) but by that afternoon -- when my kids were pulled out to be in the afternoon parade -- that videocamera was dead as a doornail. He has NEVER lived that down.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2002 at 2:34PM
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Ok, so we redid DD's bedroom, and I wanted to paint her shelves white.

I had a can of white paint in the garage, that needed to be used up. DH disagreed on painting strategy. He wanted to buy spray paint, and spray them (No Brush Strokes will be seen this way, dear).

Maybe so, but (a) I had paint already that needed to be used before spending more $$ and (b) even the smallest spraypaint projects make a huge mess!

So I paint the shelves using my paint, and a brush. I think they look good. I tell DH they are ready to hang.

While I am out one day, DH decides to spraypaint OVER my paint job, to get rid of the brush strokes and prove a point.

But he never tells me this, because, as I discover the next day, he accidentally spray painted his leather sandals, the table, the garage floor, and a few other various items in the garage.

But hey, at least there are no visible brush strokes!

He still hasn't discussed it with me, although he still will wear the sandals from time to time, and when I give the shoes a crosseyed look, he just says, "Oh hush!"

    Bookmark   July 29, 2002 at 7:51AM
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Two quick prize moments (at my own expense....)

1) Back when we were getting ready to put a house on the market, our agent suggested we paint the basement and garage floors to make them look better. I had several cans of gray paint sitting at the top of the driveway, and my wife asked how I was doing. I replied that I hated painting, and (gently) kicked one of the cans. It promptly popped open, and a gallon of gray floor enamel started running down our hilly driveway. We tried to corral it, but even after lots of cat litter to absorb it and some noxious chemicals to thin it down, We still had a gray swath down our asphalt driveway. I ended up having to re-seal the driveway, too.

2) Way back in college, I rented an apartment that had an old 20's style bathtub with no real faucet, but a leaky hose that was duct-taped to keep it from spraying all over the place. I went to the local hardware store, told them my dilemma, and they sold me this "heavy-duty" (clear) plastic hose and a couple clamps. I took it home, hooked it up, and got ready to take a hot shower. After starting the water for 5 minutes, I started to get in the tub and realized there was no water coming out of the top of the sprayer. When I pulled back the curtain, the hose had expanded to about 8 times its original diameter, and I had roughly half a second to dive behind the shower curtain when it exploded, spraying hot water all over the place. Once I got it under control, I went to the local auto parts store, bought 6-feet of high-temperature coolant hose, and never had another leak.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2002 at 11:05PM
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My dad and DH were working together to fix gramma's bent fence post. Dad was pulling telling DH to hit the post with the sledge hammer. The post gave way and hit dad between the eyes. Dad still has a scar.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2002 at 5:02PM
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I am rolling on the floor laughing over these stories. I have to add what my DH did just last week. He bought a gas-powered power washer last year & has used it to wash his friend's deck and to wash our cars.

Our house has aluminum siding, which the previous owners gave a very thin, sprayed-on coat of paint when they put it on the market. We have a tree that's growing too close to the front of the house, so the siding was mildewed on about 1/2 the front. Last week DH decided to power wash the mildew off. You guessed it, he also power washed off the paint on 1/2 the front of the house. Actually, from the street it's not THAT bad, but up close it looks pretty awful. Painting the house is not in the budget for this summer, so we'll have to live with it until next summer. He is very annoyed with the whole situation!

Another one, last Fall we replaced our front door because the original door had sunlight coming in around 3 sides, litterally. We bought a very expensive pre-hung metal door w/leaded glass window. DH and FIL ripped out the old door and put in the new one, things were going fine. FIL wasn't happy with the way the interior of the trim looked, so he decided to add a thin strip of wood around the sides & top on the interior. Instead of cutting out 3 notches for the hinges, he decided to just slide it behind the hinges since it was only about 3/8 of an inch thick. The top hinge was a tight fit, so he hammered it in. Guess what - he knocked the door off alignment when he hammered that trim behind the hinge, and now our new $400 insulated door with leaded glass has sunlight coming in around 2 sides.

    Bookmark   August 12, 2002 at 4:55PM
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My DH is very handy. Seriously, I think the man could do anything, anything at all. And that's why the silly things he does occasionally annoy me so much. :)

He decided to stain our deck. Instead of doing it the old fashioned way, with a paintbrush, he went out and bought a sprayer for this purpose. An hour or so later he comes in and says he ran out of stain, had to go buy more. After finishing the job he comes in with this sheepish look and says he's done, but.... I go out and look. Our deck looks like it's been sprayed by a graffiti artist, drips and drabs everywhere, not anywhere near coated, and plenty of stain on the siding and cement underneath. Of course it wasn't a *paint* sprayer, those cost too much. He bought what is known as an "all purpose sprayer".

Shortly after we bought our first house, he decided to hang a large picture in our bedroom. Had to find a stud. Now, we had two stud finders, but he couldn't find either of them. Rather than buy a new one or borrow one, he decided to drill holes in the wall at 1" intervals till he found it. Of course after the picture was hung, nobody could see the holes, so he left 'em there. 5 years later, when we moved, we removed the picture, and oh yeah, there's a neat row of 10 holes..."can you believe I did that?"

Nobody could ever accuse my DH of not doing a job thoroughly (with the two above exceptions). He usually ends up spending 2x as much on a DIY project than is needed to get it done, for the sake of doing it right.

BUT, he never puts anything away! For months after a project I am tripping over assorted tools, getting fed up and putting them in bags or boxes and hauling them to the garage workshop, looking through the boxes/bags to find a screwdriver when I need one. Next time he has a project, if the tool's not immediately accessible he assumes he doesn't have one and buys another.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2002 at 12:51AM
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Can I post my own disaster, even if I'm not a DH?

Okay. I am a very UN-handy person. I can barely hang a picture - though I do know how to use a stud finder. ;) I am, for some illogical reason, afraid of power tools.

When we moved into our first house, which was about 70 years old, I noticed that the locks on the 2nd floor windows didn't work. They were the original, wooden, double-hung weighted windows. He worked 6 days a week, long hours, and I wanted to give him one less thing to worry about, you know? So I went out and bought new window lock sets. I removed the old ones. After trying to put new screws in old, stripped holes I realized that wasn't going to work, I needed to screw them in somewhere else. Hm...shouldn't I drill pilot holes before screwing them in? Sure, but I'm scared of power tools, and a drill is a power tool. So I figured that maybe if I pushed Real Hard as I screwed in the screws I wouldn't need to drill.

Guess what happened? No, the wood remained intact. But I was fortunate that the old glass in the window was pretty thick, and when the screwdriver slipped, all it did was crack instead of shattering. I repaired it with duct tape, kept the shade drawn for months so DH wouldn't notice (and eventually thought the window was already cracked when we bought the house) and let DH handle the window lock repairs from then on.

Yes, now that the house has been sold, I've come clean with him. Maybe one of these days I'll be brave enough to use a drill. Maybe not. :)

Oh, I also managed to rip off a good section of drywall at the top of the stairway at our current house for the same reason, trying to install a child safety gate with none of those pesky power tools. Oops.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2002 at 1:07AM
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pkock -

"Yankee" push-drill by Stanley will suffice for pilot holes.

Multiple tools boxes and a carpenter's apron (a.k.a. "tool belt") for DH. One tool box each for plumbing, electrical, and carpentry work - common tools like the hammer, measuring tape, combination screw driver, etc. go on the apron.

Hang the power tools from pegboard.

Works for me.

My screwups aren't that many or severe (measure three times before cutting) but the one thing I consistently do is get paint splatters on my glasses.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2002 at 9:30AM
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Just have to chime in....

My DH is very handy....handy with home improvement. I got the idea that if he's so good with working with wood, maybe he'd be good at stripping and refinishing a dressing table of my grandmother's to make it more suitable for my home decor. I sent him to the garage to do his thing. I inquired about the project from time to time, he'd reply that things were going fine except that there was a deeply penetrating stain under the top 10 layers of paint. I asked him what we should do and he said he thought he needed a dremel tool. Okay, okay....he wants a new toy, we bought it.

The next time I heard from my husband he had gotten carried away with all those little attachments....seems the turned legs were no longer distinguishable. The next trip to home depot was spent purchasing stair ballasters to replace the legs he ruined! The whole mess is still brought up whenever he's doing an "intricate" project. The table lovingly sits in my bedroom, though I'm sure my grandmother would not recognize it!!!

"Should we break out the Dremel tool??"


    Bookmark   August 16, 2002 at 11:22AM
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Well, my DH was going to save us money by cleaning out the gutters over our pool screen. Against my advice, he got up on the roof with the shop vac and a broom. In less than 20 minutes, he had managed to stick his foot through one of the solar heating panels and as he tried to keep his balance, he poked the broom through the screen enclosure. We now hire someone to do it twice a year at $60 a shot.

Another time, he bought a riding lawn mower and was not very adept at driving it. On one occasion the back yard neighbor had to rescue him because he tried to mow under the low branches of a tree and nearly decapitated himself when he got stuck.

Same mower; different day. While mowing the front yard he needed to turn as he approached the driveway with a car parked there. He didn't make the turn and the mower started to climb the car. I was screaming for the kids to get in the house because I didn't want them to see their father sliced up in pieces or to be in the way of flying metal. Before the darned thing flipped over on him he thought to take his foot off the gas pedal and it stopped going. That thing was sold the next day and we now have a lawn service.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2002 at 10:32PM
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I do remember that thread.

Heck I don't need a husband to mess things up. I poured liquidified chocolate pudding down the drain. Hhhhmmm won't go down. I had seen a man use a wire coat hanger to unstop a drain. Did that and whosh, everything goes down. And here is comes running out of the cabinet and onto the floor. Poked a hole right through that old, thin metal pipe.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2002 at 11:39PM
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Well, I just put most of my body through the rafters and into the second floor entry of the house we just bought.


    Bookmark   August 20, 2002 at 12:30AM
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Ding! We have a winnah!

    Bookmark   August 21, 2002 at 2:03PM
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Thanks mystich, as if what I did wasn't already enough of a hit to my pride :o). At least we'll laugh about this in the future. I suppose the installation of a subfloor in the attic project (it was next on the list) now gets bumped up a notch. Drywaller coming on Monday to repair (he had even more gruesome stories to tell :o) ).

When I was a teenager and went on a winter retreat to a small, private ski area I managed to get the "Clown of the Hill" award for my skiing ability -- I could go, but couldn't stop (it was my first experience skiing).


    Bookmark   August 21, 2002 at 4:49PM
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They say confession is good for the soul...I'm a DW...

I've been enjoying this page, learning a lot. Maybe my mistake can warn others.

I've always been mechanically inclined but I don't have as much fit-it experience as I'd like. However, I've been getting into being a DIY'r for a few years, and sometimes a little knowledge can be dangerous.

I was able to fix a drip on the single lever faucet in our old house buying a $.25 washer. However, in our new house the dripping "delta monitor" shower lever requires the purchase of a "cartridge", instead of a washer, which is basically a $40 replacement of the "guts" of the faucet. At any rate, in trying to unscrew the cap holding the cartridge, the whole unit started to twist. I figured, ok I can take the whole thingie out and put it in a vise for easy removal of the cap. In reality I twisted and ruptured three little tubes connecting the handle and now I need to spend $90 for a whole new one.


    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 12:27PM
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Oh, I am so glad I found this site! And I thought Iwas the only one with an un-handy husband. This made me laugh. I have a couple good stories:
When we were first married, we lived in an apartment, my mother thought she'd help get us started with some tools by giving DH a battery operated screwdriver for his birthday. One day he decided to try it out in order to mount something to the wall. I was busy doing something else and a few minutes later I hear, the swearing, the "this thing doesn't work, etc..." I go over to see what's wrong. He had the screw only, wobbling around in the space of the tool where the phillips/straight end bit was supposed to be, scratch marks all over the wall that the screw made. That was just the beginning of my saga of the mechanically challenged husband! In an effort to clean the stained door frame in our bathroom, he sprayed some chemical on it that made it run all down to the brand new, not even a week old floor we just paid $300 for and stained that permanently!
In cutting a piece of carpet for another room, he did it backwards so when he flipped it right side up, the cut out places were opposite what they should have been. He threw away a drill that belonged to our friend because it was in a paper bag and he thought it was trash. We went to home depot and spent 80 dollars on a brand new drill to replace it. I could go on and on. 13 years later, he's getting a little better, tired of wasting money on mistakes, I guess.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2002 at 9:54PM
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I remembered another one. Years ago, I lived with a boyfriend, and we had a cat.

We came home one evening, and could hear the cat, but couldn't find him. We eventually located him IN the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

After abou 10 minutes of panic, and trying to figure out HOW he got in the wall, boyfriend decides to get a big hammer, and break holes in to get him out.

After about the third hole, I remembered the access panel for the bathtub pipes was open upstairs. I grabbed a can of cat food and the can opener, and went to the closet where the panel was. It only took clicking the can opener 3 times to see his dusty face appear.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2002 at 1:55PM
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My dear father was (and is) notorious for his "repairs." While walking on his second story deck one visit, I noticed a spongy spot. It looked fine from the outside, but when I felt it with my hand, I found I could practically poke my finger through the wood. I mentioned it to my father, who was completely unconcerned. It turned out that at least half the deck flooring was almost completely rotten, but instead of replacing the deck, he had "cleverly" gotten a can of wood putty, smeared it over the rotten spots, and touched it up with paint. It's a miracle nobody ever fell through the deck before my mother finally forced him to get the deck rebuilt.
He was also a terror with epoxy glue until we forced him to swear off. Anything and everything that broke was "fixed" with epoxy. I have a once-beautiful ivory sculpture of a Chinese maiden who once suffered a decapitation in a fall. She probably could have been professionally restored, but unfortunately my father got to her first. Now she's worthless--she's got her head back, but her neck is ringed with an ugly brown necklace of glue. There's much more I could say, alas...

    Bookmark   September 6, 2002 at 9:31PM
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I remembered another one too.... while in the painting stages, we had an especially difficult time with the two story entry way. We had to rent a contraption that went from the second story landing to a tall ladder, creating a bridge to access the high walls. I was under the strictest of orders that this was DH's domain only, and much care had to be exercised. If I wanted to be of help, don't distract him. Well sure enough a while later I hear BOOM SLAM CRASH S@#$ OW!! Mother.....of Pearl! DH was so into the groove that he forgot where he was and lent new meaning to the phrase, "took a long walk off a short pier". He wound up a scraped and bruised crumpled mess on the entry way floor. Thank goodness the stairs broke his fall and HE doesn't break easily!

    Bookmark   September 9, 2002 at 11:28AM
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sigh...yesterday he made a hole in the side of our less than a year old house with the bucket of the front-end loader....

....also yesterday....he was moving dirt with said loader in the back of the he moved the drain hose to the washing machine aside(in a nice crumpled heap).

fast forward to today....i'm doing laundry....

...guess who's brand new house had a tub full of water flow thru it.....

    Bookmark   October 17, 2002 at 2:04PM
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Ah...who knew I'd stumble on this thread? Let me tell you a story, if you will. Sit back, have a drink, and listen.

Several years ago, as a starting out contractor, we did everything...and I mean everything. You could call me to paint your house, build it, replace the roof, fix the basement, that time, I'd probably even have cleaned it for you.

In any event, we got a call one day from a man who wanted to change his basement window. His idea (and it is a good one, and done a lot), was to dig down, take out his basment window, make the opening larger, and then install a new, larger window so that he had a lot more light, perhaps egress for a basement bedroom, and so on. In any event, he wanted us to come out and dig the hole next to the foundation and cut out the window opening. No problem. We'd worked with small machines, small jobs, and this type of operation before. The machine rental was $300 (this was for a small, 6000 lb. Kubota excavator); I had the trailer and truck to pull it. I figured rental of this machine, plus an operator, plus several hours to dig, then cut the opening. All told, about $1000 for the job for two guys. When I gave him the estimate, he said no way...way too expensive...he'll do it himself. Fine.

The following weekend, late on Saturday, I get a cal from the guy's wife...they're desperate, and don't know what to do. Here's what happened (and this is from the very, very POed wife). The husband, thinking we're ripping him off, went and rented the same excavator. Not having the truck and trailer, he had it delivered, and paid extra ($100) for having it dropped off late Friday and picked up early on he's into it by $400. He farts around for a while, digging up the lawn with tracks on the mini-excavator (he tells his wife this is normal), then starts to work. Digging away from the foundation, he has no trouble; the machine easily digs down, picks up the dirt, and the controls are easy to use and the hydraulics work fine. As he's digging this hole for the "new" window, his wife asks if it's too deep, too big, too much dirt. No, he tells her, we need all this room to work. So he keeps diggin. He gets up to the foundation, digs down, and again, does a decent job. He now has a hole about 7 feet deep, and about 14 feet around one area of the basement. The problem is, he tells his wife, the bottom isn't flat enough to build the window well on the he inches closer.

Everyone knows the outcome...he keeps inching closer, digging a little more, until he pulls on a root, pulls back on the controls, and pulls the mini-excavator into the hole, upside down. When it lands, the knuckle of the excavator boom goes through the basement wall, taking guessed it, 14' of basement wall. They now have an excavator half-way into their basement, but more than enough room to put in a window, and a sliding door, and another.....

In any event, when we get the call on Saturday, at 7 pm, from a guy who said we were ripping him off...well, you can understand. any event, we call a way...too much angle and weight. How about a crane? No problem...but we have to call a much larger crane to get it out of the hole because of it's weight. You see where this is going. By the time it was done, it broke down like this; crane was $700. Damage to excavator (he didn't pay the extra $12 for insurance...that was, after all, just another rip off), $3200. Basement wall repairs, $4800. Permits and inspections: $140. Fines for not having a permit in the first place, $550. In short, this guy spent about 20 times as much trying to save a buck as he would have if he'd just hired someone else in the first place. Oh well...guess he'll stay on my Christmas card list!

    Bookmark   October 18, 2002 at 8:33PM
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    Bookmark   October 20, 2002 at 11:09PM
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This is TOO funny! My DH's nickname is "The Master of Disaster". The last time he brought his truck to the mechanic to fix a problem, the first thing the mech said was, "You didn't touch anything, did you?" There have been MANY "adventures" during our 13 years of wedded bliss (?), most of which we can laugh about now. But here is one of my all-time favorites ... while still dating, we were driving to a fraternity reunion party (what else) about an hour away. It was a snowy night on the highway ...the kind when you have to constantly clean your windshield because of the salt and sand spraying off the road surface. Well, halfway into the trip, we ran out of washer fluid, far from any exit where we could buy more. After a few cold stops to clean off the windshield using snow from the side of the road, my DH got a "brilliant" idea! We had a bunch of beer in the back of the truck, and "alcohol doesn't freeze", RIGHT? So, he pours a can of beer into the washer fluid container and off we go down the highway. He flips the switch for the washer fluid, and you guessed it, we spray the windshield with beer which instantly turns to FOAM and freezes all over the place, completely blocking our view!

And how about the time he tried to "help" me with the housework by "cleaning" the wood floors with Pledge? I got home from work, took one step and wham, fell right on my you-know-what! Well, he was smart enough to marry ME, so he can't be all dumb, right! :)

    Bookmark   October 23, 2002 at 10:33PM
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This thread is killing me! Here is my My-Hubby-Has-Had-Brighter-Moments story. Kind of has to do with the house. When we lived in AK we were renting a townhouse and had locked ourselves out of the house enough to really start annoying the landlord. So the next time it happened DH decided he could get in himself with minimal damage to the place. We went around to the back with a wire coathanger and found one window that was open about 2 inches. This is the kind of window that cranks open with a handle. So he makes a little hole in the screen, sticks the coat hanger in and starts trying to make the handle turn so that he can climb through the window. Meanwhile our very large cat "Topaz" jumps up onto the back of the sofa and is watching the proceedings intently. DH FINALLY gets the wire on the handle and starts to turn it. Now, I'm just sitting on the patio watching this whole production with a sceptical look on my face. He turns to me, proudly states that he's "got it", turns back and literally screams "TOPAZ!!!" Just as he started to get that thing going, the cat casually reached out and batted the handle right off the window. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself, which did not endear me to the DH. Had to call the landlord once again AND replace the screen on the window.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2002 at 11:48PM
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My honey is very handy, we just finished putting addition on our house. He did a huge pert of the work himself. One day I come home from work and see him on the ladder. I say hi honey and he nearly fell off the ladder, and he has this guilty (got his hand caught in the cookie jar) look on his face. I asked him what he was working on. Well we just replaced all the windows on our house a couple weeks before. He asked me if I see anything strange. I look around and see he put in the replacement window - INSIDE OUT! You can only open it from the outside!

I have this thing to do things that are unique. I decided to paint our grandsons room. I decide to have the top 1/2 of the room painted with that crackle paint. Which I did. Put the last of the paint up. Leave for awhile and come back to check out the crackling...
Now I DID read the directions on the can! NOWHERE on the can did it say you can't use semi-gloss paint! And NOWHERE on the can did it say that if you do, the top layer of paint will crackle and then slide down the wall, and harden in an oozzing discusting MESS!


    Bookmark   November 11, 2002 at 4:48PM
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Ok, well not too funny, but DH has now outdone himself. He decided two Sunday's ago to hang a blind very high up, while DD and I were out running errands.

He lost his balance, fell 14' to the floor, and is now in the hospital looking 10 times worse than Tim the Toolman ever did. He has one crushed heel, one fractured heel, and one fractured vertebra.

He's on the mend, but it will be a while before he can walk, what with both feet in a cast and all. And he's no longer allowed to do home improvement projects that involve anything higher than a stepstool!!!!

    Bookmark   November 19, 2002 at 8:07AM
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What humor in this thread. Now I know what DH means. I always thought it was Dear Husband, now I know it means Disaster Hound!

    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 6:08PM
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Not a disaster unless you're a football fan, but I caught my DH watching the Super Bowl in Spanish one time. I asked him why and he said the network "idiots" were for some reason broadcasting it that way. I then showed him how to turn off the SAP function on the TV. He watched the rest of the game in English. He's normally pretty smart about these things which is why I found this so humorous.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2002 at 9:25AM
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This gal reguards herself as fairly handy and can follow directions from the guy at the building supply store. I needed to change the outdoor faucet so off to the store.
The young fellow told me it was easy just turn the water off and twist it off. Well I struggled and twisted the faucet and the pipe off right after the shut-off handle. Luckily I twisted it so much the water barely ran out before I discovered my goof. It cost me $70 for a plumber to come to fix it just before I had to pay him time and a half.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2002 at 9:05PM
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I'll never forget my sis calling me to tell me of her adventure in trying to install a dog door panel in the aluminum sliding door. She has a new variable speed reversible drill and new bits. She's drilling, and drilling. Not even a dent. Drill some more, press a little harder. Sweat running down her face. I ask if you should be pressing that hard on the drill? Still, no dent. She gives up, calls the ex-husband. His first question, is the drill in reverse? I laughed for 15 minutes, and at long distance charges!

    Bookmark   December 12, 2002 at 12:20AM
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I'm a DH (not the disaster kind).

I'm a carpenter and my lovely wife helped me on a remodeling project for one of her friends.(I did it for free because we were going to trade labor for her friends hunting dog training buisness). She had never used a power tool for anything, ever. Any way, mid-project, I'm in a compromising position and cant move from where I'm at or the 400 dollar horn chandalier will be crushed by a cast iron fitting, and I need a 2X4 cut to an exact length down to the sixteenth of an inch. I ask the DW to take my tape and speed square from my pouch and use the circular saw to cut this board I asked for. It took her about 5 minutes to return... And its a winner!!! She cut this 2X4 to the exact length(having never used a power tool, or read a tape measure in her life before) it needed to be!! I was the proudest carpenter husband in the world at that moment and the wife was absolutely glowing with pride.

Fast forward about one year...

I've been out of town for two weeks on a large project 500 miles from home. I was informed a week before I left on this job than I need to build a oat feeder for the horses, and natually I forgot about it. The first thing the DW say when I get back is "can you help me carry the oat feeder I made into the horses pen?". You made it! Who helped you? Where did you get the lumber? Yes she made it, from lumber I had lying around and nobody helped her!! Its dark and the horses are hungry so darn right I'll help you move the feeder. "Nice and heavy" I think as I pick it up, for those of you who know horses, "Hey, this thing seems pretty solid" I say to myself.

Got the horses fed and happy. I'm absolutely exstatic walking back to the house with my wife, "the carpenter". We get inside and I'm asking her a billion questions on how she did it and she told me in her best of terms how she did it.

Went to feed the horses the next morning and I come to find out that they systematically destroyed, piece by piece, this gem that my wife made herself. On carefull inspection of the carcass that was the feeder, She used 2 inch nails to nail through inch and a half lumber leaving miminal penetration holding power of the nail.
She never got upsed about it to me, but I know she was pi$$ed off.
While I dont consider this a disaster, my wife mentions it ocasionally with poison and I thought you all might like.

JA in SD

    Bookmark   December 16, 2002 at 8:37PM
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OMG, this is hysterical! My favorites are the excavator in the ditch, the semi-gloss paint that's slid into a disgusting mess on the floor and the riding lawn mower stories. I nearly laughed until I cried.

I have a couple funny ones to add. (I am usually the more handy of my partners but I will stand back and let them try and expect to finish the job when they give up.)

- ex-boyfriend wanted to show me that he could put things together too and tried to put together one of those metal shelves that comes in a hundred pieces and held together with screws. Okayyy, I skeptically say, have at it. Nearly 5 hours later, with a triumphant whoop, he announces he's done. All ready to be proud of him, I help him stand the shelf up and nearly peed myself laughing when the whole thing wobbled like it's made of jello. I mean seriously, I wouldn't trust that thing to hold up a piece of paper!

- This isn't so much a DIY but goes to the shake-your-head-in-amazement at the sheer idiocy. Said ex-bf locked himself out. In the middle of a Philly winter. Without a jacket. Without his car keys so he couldn't even go to work and hang out there until I get home. Doofus had the bright idea to climb the tree in the backyard to the roof and get in through the roof deck. Never mind that the roof is THREE STORIES high, the tree is at least 10 feet away from the house...unless you're SpiderMan, no one can make that jump. And it's heavily locked from the inside. Penny loafers don't make for great tree climbing gear either.

Anyway, he starts to climb up but figures out that he's not going to make it so he starts back down the tree, slips and because he's hugging the tree, tears up his arm on the bark of the tree...and the poison oak that's running up it. Arm swells to 3 times it's normal size, crusty pus-y scabs and oozing some nasty fluids. *SO* gross.

- Current SO not allowed to prune anything anymore. Huge mum bushes out in front are growing a little out of control. SO decides to prune...and prune and prune and prune until the poor bush is practically a bare twig sticking straight out of the ground. We ended up pulling the rest of the bush out and now have a big gaping hole where the bush used to be. SO did the same thing to the peach and lemon tree in the backyard. Instead of cutting back, she lopped off entire branches. The tree ended up lookng like some mutant from out of space. Tree loppers taken away and SO is told never to prune another live thing again.

- Same SO paints the ceiling but because it's lath and plaster, there are lots of crevices that're hard to paint. SO misses some spots in the bedroom ceiling. I make comment, SO promises to do touch ups in the next painting session.

Laying in bed after painting session, I notice splotches here and there. SO didn't pay attention to paint cans and touched up with semi-gloss...over the matte finish I carefully chose for all the ceilings. *sigh*.

Funny now, but boy, did I shake my head when these things happened!

    Bookmark   December 17, 2002 at 6:48AM
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Not a disaster.. more of a "pay back".
When we started dating my boyfriend and I would go to his parents house each Sunday to visit with his large family. Everyone brought some kind of dish and boyfriend always expected me to bring ours. This did not really sit well with me, he could have offered sometimes.
Anyway, Boyfriend had recently purchased a home in Florida and wanted to be the first one in the swimming pool even though it was cold cold- March. So as he was getting out of the pool buck naked I took a full frontal picture of him.
Took the picture to our local Kroger bakery and had it done on a huge sheet cake. (somehow they take the photo and add it to the cake so it looks exactly like the picture).
Next Sunday comes we stop by the store to pick up our cake. I send him in to pay for and pick up the cake.
As we pull into his parents driveway I tell him he better take a look into the cake box before we take it in.
The look on his face was priceless!!!!
He helped me out with the potluck treats after that.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2002 at 10:40AM
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Self admitted DIY DH and here is my recent story. Last night I was putting a new male 3 prong plug on the end of an extension cord my wonderful DW accidentally cut with the power hedge trimmer (lots of sparks, what a light show! DW was fine, just surprised). I successfully connected the proper wires according to instructions and was putting the final tightening twist on the last screw when I looked down and realized the other end of the chord also contained an identical 3 prong male end??? OH POOP! Looks like I will be returning to Home Depot tonight to get the correct female plug. What a waste of time...but lesson learned...check twice next time.

If I had a nickel for every trip to Home Depot to return the wrong part and get the right part, I could pay a contractor to do the job for me. :(

    Bookmark   December 17, 2002 at 4:42PM
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Before DH and I were married, he was stationed at Charleston AFB and DD and I went to visit him. While we were there he decided to put a black light on his dorm room wall to illuminate a flourescent wall hanging he had. The walls in the dorm room were concrete so trying to do it the "easy way" he decided to superglue the light to the wall. As he was looking down behind the light to make sure he had the glue where he wanted it, he leaned back only to discover that he had superglued his head to the wall!! DD and I have never laughed so much in our lives. I literally had to "cut" him loose. LOL. He will never ever live that one down!

    Bookmark   January 4, 2003 at 1:19PM
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My DH is well known in my family for his "repairs".

One year for Christmas my sister gave him a tool box filled with duct tape, masking tape, electrical tape (well you get the picture). I even have a picture of him when I caught him "fixing" the refrigerator door shelf with the packing tape gun (big sheepish grin on his face).

My favorite was the time I asked him to take care of the wasp nest on the front of the house. I'm outside cleaning the trailer and all the sudden he's all out running around the house yelling (he looked like some crazy cartoon character). I figured the wasp were after him so I just shut the screen door (hey, them wasp stings hurt) and returned to my cleaning. Seconds later he's all out running back around the house, dragging the hose, and yelling "turn on the water, turn on the water, turn on the water". You can see where this is going can't you. Seems when the wasp spray didn't work he decided to "smoke them out" using his propane torch. Of course, the propane torch ignited the very flammable wasp spray running down the side of the house. Yes, I send him out to kill a wasp and he set the house on fire. On the bright side he was running so fast that the siding was only mildly damaged. Still laughing at this one.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2003 at 7:26PM
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That last story reminds of something that happened a few summers ago. One spring we started to notice a lot of yellow jackets around our back pattio, and after a while I noticed that they were all going into a crack in the brickwork recess that our dryer vent came out of from the basement. I told my wife that I found out where they were all coming from and that I was going to 'blast' them so keep our 3 year old daugheter in the house for a while. Once I made sure the sliding glass doors to the dinning room were closed, I walked around the side of the hosue to get the can of wasp spray from my workshop. As I'm on the side of the house, thru my daugter's open window I hear my wife tell my daugher "Sophie, come into the dining room and let's watch Daddy get stung by bees". I know she didn't say this because I was there, I'm sure she didn't even know were I was.

Some people might not think that was funny, but I am practically cracking up just thinking about it 3 years later.

By the way I DID NOT get stung.

Mike K

    Bookmark   January 9, 2003 at 11:39AM
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Everyone with a great story: you can win big bucks over at (Better Homes and Gardens) in their contest they are having right now-- whose husband had the biggest do-it-yourself diaster-- not sure what the actual name of the contest here but some of these are bound to win! I was going to enter, but my stories ( tilled up bulbs, ten nail holes for hanging one picture) are just not nearly as funny as these here!

Here is a link that might be useful: Better Homes and Gardens Website

    Bookmark   April 9, 2003 at 12:36PM
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About a month ago,dh was doing some repairs on a panneled section of our family room...did a great job,and I was very proud of him when i got home from work.Later that evening i heard a meow from our kitty,but couldn't find guessed it ! Kitty had gotten inside the wall and fell asleep and dh had repaired the wall around him.That wall came down real fastI can tell you,We both had a good laugh once the crisis was over.Kitty was none theworse for the experience,thank God!

    Bookmark   July 30, 2003 at 12:32AM
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My husband is a saint, but can be somewhat mindless.

We have a huge front yard that was fully fenced, almost to the front ditch. We decided a smalled fenced area would look more welcoming, so we set some new posts closer to the house, and moved the 6' tall fence panels onto those. This left the original 6' concrete-set posts standing like Stonehenge.

I told my husband I;d like to do a cottage garden enclosed by a picket fence when we could afford it.

The next morning (Sunday), around 9 am, I found him in the front yeard looking sort of bothered. Some inspiration had struck him and he'd begun Skil-sawing the posts right down to ground level, leaving a half-Stonehenge arrangement and no way to put up the desired picket fence.

He says he knew it was wrong but he couldn't stop.

I couldn't see how he could do such a permanent thing without consulting his partner (me) or thinking about it for more than 12 hours! Especially as we had set each one of those blasted posts ourselves in near-freezing temparatures when we first moved here.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2003 at 1:16PM
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Eliza Ann, my kitty did the same thing! Our fridge was leaking to the point that we had to replace the flooring and the subfloor (it was going on for a long time and we didn't know it). Anyway, DH spent most of a day on this project and then rolled the fridge back in place when he finished. And then I couldn't find the cat. As I walked around looking for her, I heard a faint mewing coming from under the fridge. I ran around totally hyperventilating and begging my DH to hurry up and get her out of there. As soon as he tore up the floor and subfloor back out again, out popped the cat--but not from the floor! Instead, in the meantime, she found a hole in the foundation and was running around in the backyard. I was so happy to see her I ran outside and grabbed her and just hugged her. And all this with my baby granddaughter on my hip! My poor hubby was sitting on the floor surrounded by his now destroyed handiwork and had to do it all over again. Good thing he's an animal lover...

    Bookmark   October 1, 2003 at 10:04PM
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You almost made me spit my coffee out! What a funny, disastrous, story! LOL Your poor DH!

    Bookmark   October 3, 2003 at 10:04AM
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My DH would have put the cat in the new hole in the floor and then repaired it! LOL
These stories are killing me.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2003 at 7:17AM
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My dh is a sweetheart and definitely a "keeper," but he comes out with some things that truly reveal his lack of knowledge about home ownership.
His latest one was when we were discussing the drought a few years back. He said, "I just hope by fall and winter everything's okay." When I asked why, he said, "Well, are you forgetting that our heating system is hot water baseboard?" He had no idea that the water keeps circulating and poor guy thought every time the furnace came on, it brought fresh water through the pipes.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2004 at 12:15AM
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I came home from work one Saturday afternoon to the plumbers, electricians and handyman's vehicles in the lane. Found all three plus my husband in my bathroom floor looking really perplexed. They had torn up the wall and part of the floor..... When asked what was wrong, they told me there was this strange rhymic noise in the wall and they couldnt figure it out. Afraid it was bad wiring or a loose pipe. I reach over and pick up my pager that was vibrating on the hard counter top, turned it off and the noise stopped! Funny thing was it was my husband paging me that set the whole thing off and it had been buzzing away just 2 feet from all their heads the whole time! Expensive lesson!

    Bookmark   June 7, 2006 at 9:55AM
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Before we were married, I was at DH's house for the weekend. We were doing steak tips for dinner, and they were ready to be put on the grill. His grill was difficult to light, so I asked him to do it. He was about to get in the shower, so he takes the tips and walks nekkid out onto the deck (middle of the woods, no one can see). He turns on the LP tank and lights the grill. Next thing I know, I hear a "phoot!" and a scream from him that sounds like a little girl. The hose from the tank to the grill was split and flames were shooting out everywhere. Of course, we were worried about the tank exploding. DH was bent over (keeping his privates as far from the flames as possible) trying to turn off the tank with a face cloth. There was no water hose out there, so I was running back and forth with coffee cups full off water trying to douse the flames enough so he could turn the knob a little. The tank got turned off and the fire went out. But I think he was mentally scarred from the incident. Now, whenever he lights a grill he sort of keeps his body (fully clothed mind you) away and seems ready to run. I cracks me up everytime I think about it.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2006 at 5:44PM
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I loved this thread!

Right after we got married we bought a mobile home and my husband, the computer nerd, installed a computerized thermostat. After spending most of the evening programing the thing, off to bed we went, only to wake to a house that was colder inside than the 32 degree winter morning outside. It was "supposed" to have been programed to start bringing the night temp (of 65 degrees) up to a comfortable 72 - it was 34 degrees! Off he goes to work, leaving me in the "ice box". I got the instruction book out and inside of 5 minutes (compared to his 3 hours the previous evening) I had the heat on and was starting to feel toasty. He gets home and asks who I got to fix the heat - ME, I tell him, waving the instructions at him! He still can't set the microwave clock after the power goes out and has never learned how to set the timer on ANY of our VCRs. Mr. Computer....can build a computer from left over, second hand parts, but don't ask him to do anything simple.

As for myself, well, I've plumbed, put new faucets in, fixed toilets, painted, patched walls, set VCR's, etc., but gardening is a whole other tale. Six years ago we bought the home of our dreams. Now, neither one of us are gardeners (both previous city apartment dwellers) and here we buy this home whose gardens are on the National Audubon Society register for "natural back yards" and is a blue bird refuge! Big mistake! Neither of us know the weeds from the flowers (still don't - if I don't like where it is growing out it goes!). So we're grooming the yard - he is on the enormous lawn hog he insisted on buying and I'm walking around the yard trimming when I come across this giant 'plant' - I have no idea if it is an important plant or not so I am leaving it grow. Now it is taller than I am (at least 5' - I'm only 4'10"). My husband comes around the corner of the house and yells that is it is a weed - there are a whole crop of the same growing wild over the fence in the woods. So I hit it with the weedeater - and it just loses leaves but keeps on standing. So, this weed isn't going to beat me - I go get the hedge clippers. Now, this weed happens to be growing right were our electric meter is and the telephone box. I'm whacking away at the weed when this grey wire pops up - yep, I chopped through the telephone wire! Around the side of the house, firmly seated on his lawn hog, comes DH and sees me standing there holding the two ends of the wires. Of course, being a computer nerd, this is one thing he can fix - as I beg him to not tell anyone. First thing he does after splicing the wire is go in and call everyone we know - and I mean EVERYONE - even friends and relatives in other states and countries! I began to think he was going to try to get the story reported on CBS news by Dan Rather! One thing, just one time I screw up and he will never let me live it down! We now have a lawn service.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2006 at 9:01PM
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Nuts! I forgot the best one: Our mobile home carpeting was mauve in color. We had two rambunctious dogs and one cat at the time. I had bought Rit Dye in Scarlet to re-new the color of my step son's bedroom drapes (sun faded and who can account for another's taste!) and put the pack of powdered dye on the washer to use on the weekend. My husband gets home before me and calls me at work in a panic - the cat (once white, now a lovely shade of pink) knocked the dye off the washer and my darling Rexie thought it was something good to eat and tears it open in my living room. My DH tells me there is a tiny red spot in the middle of the rug, what should he do? My answer was just get out the vacuum and give the area a good going over to get the powder up. I arrive home to be met by the same lovely pink cat (he was pink for weeks) and a happy dog with a pink muzzle and purple teeth, AND a HUGE RED stain right, smack dab in the middle of my living room! DH thought he would take the tiny red spot out and proceeds to scrub the area with Glory Rug Foam and once wet, well, you know what happened! Throw rugs became a valuable item! Simply could not do as he was instructed! I planned on vacuuming several times and daubing the tiny spot with bleach to fade it - but the best laid plans of mice and women..........

    Bookmark   June 16, 2006 at 9:20PM
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Ex was building me a bookcase. Routered out slots for shelves, several layers of stain and poly with sanding between coats. Screws all counter sunk and covered.

Wood glue to help stabilize it.

But he was building it in our dining room on the wall-to-wall...

Good thing I don't like wall-to-wall. The carpet had to be cut to remove glued book case.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2006 at 9:59AM
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I have one but it's not my husband that did it. I had a man in to install a gas fireplace (he was a contractor from the gas company). He had to turn tha gas off to install the fireplace and when he turned the gas back on he had to re-light the pilot light of our gas hot water heater. While I am upstairs and I hear a "sonic boom" from the basement. I am surprized it didn't blow the windows out it was so loud. While the gas man was up the stairs in 2 seconds flat (sans eyebrows and with a little more forehead showing). He tells me that I have a defective water heater and I better call the gas company (then he leaves!!!) I am freaking out and I call the gas company and they send someone right away. Everything with the water heater is fine, the guy just didn't re-light it properly. The man who came to check it out is laughing his a$$ off when I tell him about the missing eyebrows of the first guy. He found the gas tag on the fireplace and took down the guys name who installed it so he could tease him back at the office.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2006 at 2:43PM
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There are some pretty good stories in here, but....

Let's not make it into a male-bashing exercise, ok? Personally I am pretty handy (but do make my share of mistakes) but why do we 'assume' that men/husbands will be 'handy' and take the mickey when they're not?

A "DW" segment about cooking/cleaning disasters would be dismissed as sexist. A "disasters" segment is fine, but let's not make it a 'husband' one - like I said, I'm sure most would find a 'wife' one offensive.

Sorry if I'm being a party pooper, but I don't like sexism either way.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2006 at 12:22PM
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Those reversible drills! I was doing a closet project once when my drill suddenly "had no power"! So I went to the hardware store and bought another one - and guess what? After I messed up the first screw (first it goes in, then it has to come out), the new one didn't either! I was packing it up to take it back and REALLY tell someone off for the lousy quality of drills these days (I was pretty new to power tools, I had previously had a sort of egg beater drill where you turned a crank) when I started thinking about why I might be attracting so much bad drill karma, and suddenly remembered the reverse feature. Oh well, at least I only embarrassed myself privately.

Did anyone listed to car talk on Saturday? A woman called in to get support convincing her genius MD/PhD husband to finally get an automatic. He kept forgetting to set the hand brake. He had recently parked it in neutral with no brake, and the car went flying through the air as he chased it crying "my briefcase! my briefcase!" I must admit I haven't done that yet, but it might be coming.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2006 at 6:12PM
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My DH is handy... to an extent. I asked him to refill the windshield wiper fluid in my truck, but he'll have to go buy some cuz we're out. No problem, he does so, fills the reservoir. The next morning, I'm driving and using the wipers, hitting the button to squirt the windshield and it seems the liquid is a bit strange. It's not really cleaning at all, it's smearing badly. I've a bottle of H20, so I used that on the windshield, but it's still... strange. Turns out when he went to the store for the wiper solution, he didn't have his glasses. He bought transmission fluid.

He calls me at work, "Were the upstairs lights working when you went to work this morning?"... says we've no power in the upstairs, he's currently taking the electrical panel apart cuz it's a bad breaker. I flip out, envisioning the entire house burning to the ground. Messing with electricity scares me :) So I tell my boss that I MUST leave and rush home. I convince him to stop (he's got the panel off, some wires are out, etc.) and I call a friend who's an electrician. He comes over: we've a short somewhere. The electrician goes over the entire house trying to find it, removing plug covers and light switch plates. He ends up in the attic: squirrels had gained access and chewed a good 10" of wiring. The breaker was fine.

And lastly, (for now ;) DH uses the hose late last November to clean some stuff out in the backyard. Two months go by, we get our water bill. Huge. He'd forgotten to turn off the hose.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2006 at 8:34PM
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I am laughing myself silly. And loving my DH more than ever! But I do have a couple stories:

Ex-DH and I were renting an apartment. HIS cats (I'm a dog person) messed on the floor. He decided to clean it, with guess what? Clorox Bleach. I now have a rented apartment with orange carpet that has white circles in it where he "cleaned it". Fast forward 3 years. New apartment, new brown carpet, new cat, same DH. You guessed it. Again I have a brown carpet with white cirles from the Clorox. Apparently you cannot teach some people a thing. Hence, the EX part of DH.

2nd DH is way more handy. The man can do anything - build furniture, electrical, plumbing -ANYTHING. We are currently re-doing our kitchen. If I can dream it I can have it. As long as I don't get in the way. Last house he was building a master bedroom on the 2nd floor. He was using a 2x4 to pull up rotted subfloor. I was being the not so nice wife, having a fit about something that I don't remember now, DH got REAL mad. Put pressure on that 2x4 to pop the floor, slipped, hole came through the dining room ceiling. You guessed it, I took off running, and laughed for days. Lesson learned - do NOT tick off DH when he is working on your dream room.

So I am not sexist let me say I have more disasters than you can imagine or I can write. Let's just say home improvement is not my strong suit, but dang can I fry a batch of chicken! Most everything I do DH has to complete or fix - so I just let him give direction and I follow orders!

    Bookmark   July 30, 2006 at 9:32AM
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My DH is not handy about anything repair-related and readily admits it. A few months ago, our washer in the new house died so we replaced it with the washer from our old house. Seems a simple enough operation......

The first hose came off perfectly fine, but when he went to take off the second, it broke off. Picture a gigantic gusher of water shooting into the air, soaking us and rapidly filling the basement. DH starts hysterically yelling to call a plumber until I reminded him it was Saturday evening and we'd be lucky to get one out by Monday. Still screaming, he asked what to do and I tell him to find the main valve to shut the water off. Couldn't find it, so more screaming. Since we have our own rural water system, I told him to shut off the electrical breaker to the pressure tank.

He starts turning off the breakers, in his panic, one by one instead of reading to find out which one was the correct one. Soon, we are bathed in darkness with the gusher in full force and water nearly to our ankles. He screams to run upstairs and get the flashlight, so I scramble and bring it back down. He finally finds the tank's breaker and later the lights. But the gusher is still flowing because the tank still has pressure in it. He screams again what do we do? I said find the pressure tank cord and unplug it and he finally does. And the gusher finally stops. But the basement of our is full of water. What do we do?

I called my 20 year old son who works at a hardware and has great mechanical aptitude. He says oh, that pipe is 3/4 inch galvanized, the valve is a such and such, don't worry, I'll bring home the right parts.

He did and had it repaired in 5 minutes and brought home a Rug Doctor to clean up the water. What a kid. Hope he doesn't leave home anytime soon.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2006 at 5:09PM
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I'm emailing this entire thread to both my sisters. I haven't laughed so hard in years.

I would post a few disaster instances but promised myself not to speak ill of the ex.


    Bookmark   August 11, 2006 at 3:08PM
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Ask a silly question...

DW and I were reading this thread, and I said "Good thing I've never done anything this silly." To which she replied, "What about blowing yourself up with the bees?"


So, here's the bees story:

We lived on a ranch in far west Texas. We battled bee hives every day during the early spring as the bees tried to find a place to inhabit. One day it's on the fascia, next day it's in the attic, next day in the chimney. One cold morning, the bees decided to move into the roof-protruding stove-pipe from our wall-mounted gas heater. The heater was off, but the pilot light was lit. The bathroom below was FULL of bees (dozens) and the sound coming down the pipe was terrifying. Anyway, I - being the brilliant person that I am - got a D-Con room fogger, put on a hat and coat, braced myself, and went into the bathroom. Realizing that the bees were coming down the pipe, I crouched down in front of the heater, depressed the button on the fogger, and pointed the spray up the pipe. A few seconds later, that little voice in my head screamed "YOU ...are GOING... to DIE!!!" I looked down and saw green flame exploding toward me from where the spray had ignited on the pilot light. I launched myself backwards as huge green cloud of flame exploded JUST over my head. It blew the heater clean out of the wall, and took all the hair off my hand in the process. When DW came running in to investigate the explosion, I was laying on the foor, laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. She said it sounded like half the house had blown-up. Sure, I lost a few hairs, and the heater had to be replaced, but on the bright side, I incinerated a few hundred bees!

    Bookmark   September 27, 2006 at 9:46PM
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    Bookmark   October 22, 2008 at 8:49AM
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OMG: I just woke the dog and cat up with my laughter after reading this thread. Both of them raced their butts out of bed to see what the noise was! Toooooo many funny stories on this thread!

    Bookmark   October 23, 2008 at 11:24PM
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DH was finishing off a room in our basement. He had boxed in an overhead waterpipe which led to the outside faucet. He finished off the edge where the two sides of the box met by nailing someting like quarter round onto the box, went to get his radio to listen to a game, came back, and water was squirting out of every nail hole. Seems he had hit the water pipe.

He fixed it the easiest and quickest way he could think of. Turned off the water to that pipe and cut off the faucet outside. Problem solved, except that we needed a really long hose to reach from the faucet on the other side of the house.

I often wonder if the subsequent owners of that house thought it was dumb to just have one faucet for the outside of that rather large house.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2008 at 10:44PM
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These stories are just too good!

My DH is quite handy, but not very energetic. If I want something done, I have to start it, and then get "stuck" so he has to finish it. That was how I got the basement finished - I tore off the old drywall (which had gotten wet).

He does not like heights, though. He was working on the roof one day and doing a lot of pounding. I finally went out to find out why the "little" repair was taking so long. Turned out that he panicked and wanted me to hold the ladder. So he sat on the roof for an hour and banged for me to come out!

When I was about 20, the trap under the kitchen sink rusted through - there was water all over the floor. Ex-DH was under the sink to figure out what to replace while I mopped up the floor. Once I was done, I dumped the bucket in the sink - all over his face! Boy, did he yell!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2008 at 3:43PM
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omg, I am lol at these. Gotta love 'em. My DH went to put a new door knob on the bathroom, not a hard job. I'd gone to the store & when I got home there he was, locked in the bathroom somehow, he'd gotten the lock to work but the doorknob didn't work.... Our oven element went out & he took a screw driver to remove it from the oven & forgot to turn the power off! Almost lost him that time.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 3:52PM
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Hahahahahahahahah I just read these all out loud to my husband. They were hilarious. I loved Monas.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2008 at 7:18PM
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"My DH is quite handy, but not very energetic. If I want something done, I have to start it, and then get "stuck" so he has to finish it. That was how I got the basement finished - I tore off the old drywall (which had gotten wet). "

Colorcrazy, you took the words straight out of my mouth. My husband works as a handyman at an aged care facility so he is very handy but he rarely does any handywork at home because, he's done it all day at work. I threaten to start things all the time, today I put my threats into motion. After living without flyscreens, they were factory installed extremely tightly, after great difficulty removing them to clean the windows they were impossible to re-install unless resized. I started pulling them apart today. He will be finishing them up tomorrow. At last I will have a nice bugfree breeze through the house. After Christmas I'm going to knock a hole through our laundry wall to reveal a leaking pipe to the shower - which we stopped using a couple of years back due to said leak.

    Bookmark   December 16, 2008 at 8:09AM
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    Bookmark   April 27, 2010 at 10:51PM
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This thread IS funny and it deserved a new life. Thanks, painteddragon.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2010 at 9:50AM
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Your very welcome.

    Bookmark   June 1, 2010 at 7:23AM
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Bumping again, because this one makes me laugh!

    Bookmark   September 3, 2010 at 5:11PM
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These are sooo funny. Help, I can't stop laughing!!!

    Bookmark   January 12, 2011 at 6:31PM
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Any new stories?

    Bookmark   June 1, 2013 at 6:18PM
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I consider myself pretty handy.Used to doing things myself as DH is currently hard at work studying and finishing his Masters degree. We had pulled out the old bath vanity to replace the sink and countertop. Placing the faucet and the stopper on before placing it back on the new vanity. Had the sink top on its side, giving the stopper a trial to make sure we put it together right. But for some reason, it would not go down all the way. 25 min. later and many dismantling and re-dos it came down to this-GRAVITY helps in seating the stopper properly.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2013 at 9:37PM
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I'm going to tell this one on myself.

Years ago, my wife asked me if I could equip a couple of outlets with grounded receptacles, to help protect her computer in our rented house. I opened one up, observed the house was wired with conduit, and told her I could do it.
I bought the grounded receptacles I needed, turned off the power, and made the switch. [Now please don't post telling me how foolish this was-I know that now.]
This house was built in the 40s and had a very unique type of breaker panel, with permanent [non-removable] breakers. When I turned the power on, the breaker tripped, and would not reset without tripping every time. Eventually I gave up and called the landlord, and told him we had an electrical problem [but not why]. He said he'd come over with an electrician at dinnertime. I was resigned to having to confess my stupid actions.
Thinking about it, it became obvious to me that I had crossed a wire and created a dead short. I looked again, found my error, and fixed it. Set the breaker: no problem.
My wife said, "That's nice, but the landlord will be here any minute with the electrician. What are you gonna tell him?"
I thought a second, and reached out and tripped the breaker off. "We're going to be completely mystified why it's working right now", I replied.
The first thing the electrician did was rap the panel hard several times with a big screwdriver. He then set the breaker, and of course it worked fine. He said, "Sometimes that's all it takes with these old things."
My wife and I both said, "Wow! That's great! You're a genius!"

    Bookmark   June 13, 2014 at 3:09PM
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Here’s another one that had me laughing at myself.
A few years back while remodeling a house, I was repeatedly annoyed by a mysterious noise. Whenever it was really quiet, as when I was painting alone in the place, I would hear a distinct “ping!” off in some other part of the house, every 45 seconds or so. Sounded a lot like a slow drip off a shower head, or something like that, but I could never find the source. It drove me crazy.
Finally one evening I started hearing it again, and decided I was not leaving for the evening until I had tracked it down. Every time I would think I had it localized in a particular room, the next ping would sound like it was off somewhere else. But I persisted and eventually determined it had to be coming from somewhere in or near the main bathroom.
Standing in the middle of the room, waiting patiently, changing position slightly every time I heard the sound, I decided it was coming from under the vanity, so I opened the door and stuck my head under the sink, waiting for the next ping.
When it came, it was startlingly loud, and not coming from the plumbing against the wall where I expected, but from a side shelf, right next to my ear. I turned my head to look, and there was a stack of old smoke alarms that I had removed from the house, when I replaced them with new ones.
These were hardwired units, but had battery back-up, and sure enough one of them still had a battery in it, faithfully beeping periodically to let me know that its main 110V power had failed.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2014 at 3:56PM
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This very topic is what led me into joining the GW !!!
I stumbled upon it , started reading and laughed for hours ! Anybody that can screw things up and still laugh --- deserves 5 stars in my book !!!!!

    Bookmark   June 29, 2014 at 1:08AM
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My hubby is a pretty handy guy except with his tools. According to him he always knows where he left them. Well, we were putting in a new kitchen when his good hammer disappeared. At the time I babysat and he thought one of the kids had taken it off somewhere. We looked everywhere. No hammer. Well, our daughter was going to do the painting for us. Finally several weeks later she came to paint. Guess where the hammer was. Yep, on top of the newly hung cabinet!! If the darn hammer wouldn't have been so heavy I would have worn it around my neck like a necklace for when he came in from work!!

Another time he was having a new barn built. I told him to make it as big as he wanted. After taking all his measurements he called the guy to start building. The barn has passthru doors. He has a big pickup and one of the big hauler trailers. His goal was to be able to pull in when coming in from down south late and close both doors. Well, he was 6" short.. It was so hard not to say anything but I was a good wife and said nothing. To this day he has never mentioned it...

    Bookmark   June 29, 2014 at 10:15PM
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My wife has a beautiful garden with all kinds of lilies and hosta and many other types of flowers which I have no idea. She wins contests for our yard and we've spent a lot of money with irrigation, truckloads of mulch delivered by semi, trips far and wide to various garden stores to buy the elusive flowers...

I say all that to make the point that our yard is her passion and she loves to garden.

A couple years ago she went on a vacation with a girlfriend for a week or so. She left me in charge (mistake #1). I was given strict instructions on running the irrigation (we hadn't yet installed our final leg of irrigation that summer and it was hot and dry).

Oh, and we have a real deer problem - they will eat her garden down to the ground if we don't spray the garden at least once a week with some "deer-away" stuff that smells like two month old horse urine.

Soooo... she gave me instructions to spray all the flowers with the nasty urine smelling stuff she had kindly pre-mixed for me in the hand-pumped sprayer in the garage.

Well I did my duties just as instructed, watered, and on the allotted day spent probably 30 minutes spraying the deer repellant onto all the flower beds.

When I was done I brought the sprayer back into the garage and suddenly realized I hadn't smelled that horrible smell as I was spraying all the flowers. I then noticed that there were TWO sprayers in the garage. Hmm, i thought. I opened up the second one and PHEW what a smell - well that one is clearly deer repellant. So what I had I just sprayed all over the entire garden?

Yes, you guessed it. Round-up.

Oh my goodness. Panic set in. I ran out with a hose, but then thought, what if that makes it worse. I feverishly called the manufacturer and tried to get information on what I could do - the guy laughed and said pretty much I was screwed; once it was on the leaves there was nothing I could do. I went out and sprayed and sprayed anyway for hours. Ran the sprinkler for I think 2-3 days continuously.

Wife came home. I said nothing.

Flowers started looking bad in spots. Then worse.

Eventually I had to fess up.

And then I went out with a HUGE black permanent marker and LABELED the sprayers.

Thankfully after her initial anger, she forgave me. And I wrote many checks that summer to replace flowers.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2014 at 3:27PM
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Ouch, lots of painful stories here! I've certainly made my share of errors, but chalk them all up to a learning process.

Still a pervasive belief in our society that men somehow possess innate abilities to build or fix things, which simply isn't true. It doesn't matter who you are - quality work takes practice and deliberate effort.

I try a lot of different household tasks and successfully maintain our home, vehicles, electronics, appliances, etc. but I follow a few rules:

- Read the manual. Seriously.
- Read at least three opinions on how to do the task.
- Check the manual again.
- Call a pro if the consequences of error are very high, the opportunity cost (tools and equipment) very high, or the type of work requires a lot of practice to do well.
- During work, plan for twice as much time as you think you need, go slowly, and always use the correct tool for the job even if it means going back to the garage.
- Add 50% to the project budget. Get the right materials for the job.

And the most important rule:

- If it doesn't go well, never tell. ;)

    Bookmark   July 5, 2014 at 8:28PM
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    Bookmark   July 6, 2014 at 1:31PM
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I have a very smart DH who's an idiot when it comes to anything "handy". His destruction has been limited, thank goodness. But to demonstrate how clue-free he really is:

In our last place we had professional painters in to do a lot of stripping of old woodwork and re-painting, but they quoted us a crazy number to include the closets and we thought, CLOSETS, we can handle THAT.

So one weekend day I go out and buy some water-based paint, a few brushes and I go to work on the bedroom closet while DH tackles the study closet. He puts down the first coat, then goes to take a shower. After I'm done with my first coat, I get up on his ladder to start the second coat in the study. DH emerges from the shower, studies me with a confused look on his face, and says, " Interesting...YOU start at the TOP of the wall."

I was all "'t everybody....?" while thinking, who in their RIGHT MIND paints a WALL from the BOTTOM UP?!?!?!?

    Bookmark   July 18, 2014 at 7:43PM
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Well I saved the attic restoration until last in our new house due to what I believed was asbestos tiles in the ceiling. DH and I discussed having it removed and new it would be costly.

Came home two weeks ago and DH had removed all the tiles. They were "cellulose fiber" he said. He believed this because he found a box of ceiling tiles up there, but as I pointed out before, those tiles were different from the rest and were likely the source of the few "newer" tiles on the ceiling. He wasn't listening he said but I don't believe him. The reason is he wet the tiles down, used fans to blow air out of the windows and taped all the vents closed. Reckless......

He and our friend are adding the drywall on the ceilings. A week later and two of the three rooms have drywall up. :(

I worry about my husband, really I do.

    Bookmark   July 19, 2014 at 9:36PM
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Bumping it up.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2014 at 11:48PM
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Two years ago, we had the front porch redone and expanded. They replaced the old floor with reclaimed oak and finished it so that it looked like interior hardwood flooring. Beautiful!

We have an ornamental cherry tree in the front yard, and in the summer, lots of small cherries end up on the porch, as well as cherries deposited by birds (poop). I asked DH to scrub the porch. A few weeks later, I noticed the finish was peeling, so I asked what he used. Pine Sol!

He thought if it was OK for the vinyl tiles, it was OK for the porch. Sigh.

    Bookmark   August 7, 2014 at 8:10PM
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