Husband sabotages diet

mary11April 6, 2005

My husband is not overweight in the least. He is 6'1, 190lbs and also a runner (age 46) naturally lean. I am age 45, on a diet that is healthy and carefully monitored and have lost weight over the last month. He is now constantly trying to get me to go to lunch wih him at mexican food joints, also he wants to go to restaurants on the weekend with our son, but doesn't like it when I bring in my own food. He will then make me feel guilty by not going out, period, if I am not going to eat the restaurant food with them. Sorry to say, but the diet plates at TGIF are a joke, so I ruin the night for everybody.

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Which diet are you on? It helps us to know so we can offer suggestions, unless you just want to vent. That's cool too.

I pulled up a menu from TGI Fridays and it looks like they have an Atkins menu and a regular menu that offer lots of choices.

They also have tons of yummy salad choices.

Whenever I've been there, they've been really nice about exchanges starches for veggies for me.

Save some points, carbs, or calories for a night out and join your family for fun!

At Mexican places, I order a tostada and don't eat the tortilla or order a camerones (shrimp) dish and ask them for LOTS of lettuce and tomato and no beans.

Good luck on your diet. Try telling your hubby the truth about how you feel, in a frank way. Maybe he'll come around.

Here is a link that might be useful: Menu choices

    Bookmark   April 6, 2005 at 8:15PM
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We go out to eat often and I really have no trouble finding foods that I can eat. I will order salad, fish and vegies. I find most of the places like TGIF have beautiful salad dishes now. Maybe you could eat a little at home before you go out and then not worry so much about having to find a meal that totally satisfies you. My DH is also tall and lean and can eat whatever he pleases and does - he doesn't get this dieting thing at all - so you have my deepest sympathy LOL.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2005 at 9:09PM
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I am doing weight watchers but I find that the salads they give you at most restaurants are always much bigger than what the diet would prescribe!

    Bookmark   April 6, 2005 at 10:27PM
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Just eat as much of the salad as you want. In my book, salad is pretty much all you can eat. Just watch the extras: cheese, croutons, bacon bits, dressings etc. You can even bring your own lite dressing.

I eat like Wild Chicken at the Mexican restaurants. I have never found a restaurant that would not let me exchange a starch for a veggie and most places have a broiled fish or chicken dish that would fit weight watchers.

Good luck!


    Bookmark   April 6, 2005 at 11:38PM
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Just as an aside, at Canyon's or Claim Jumper Restaurants, I find they serve HUGE portions. I place my order, with "dressing on the side!", and ask for a "to go box." Then, as soon as I get my gigantic salad, and before I put the dressing on it, I put half in the box to take home. I don't TOUCH the salad until I have put half in the box. Sometimes the waitstaff forgets to bring the box, so I wait and ask again. They're not used to people doing this, so be patient if they forget!

You'll have some yummy salad for a snack later or a meal the next day!

    Bookmark   April 7, 2005 at 9:55AM
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That's a good idea, B.j. I never thought of doing that before the meal! I always order my dressing "on the side." Last time we went out I ordered grilled swordfish, steamed asparagus, a side of tomatoes instead of potatoes and a small side salad w/ vinagrette. The portions were large so I took 1/2 of everything home and had it for lunch the next day.


    Bookmark   April 7, 2005 at 3:48PM
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Thanks for the good tips, I especially like the camarones one because I so LOVE mexican food and miss it horribly (it helped me get where I'm at today, on a diet) I am wondering if I'll ever get to indulge again once I make my goal.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2005 at 5:25PM
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I think that maybe you could look at things a little differently. I'm only saying this because it is so easy for us to feel deprived. And that feeling can lead to "dieting disasters."

Weight Watchers is a VERY flexible program, with something going for just about everybody.! You can still have Mexican food! You just have to watch your portions. ( 3 oz. meat, chicken or fish is generally the same size as the palm of your hand, 1/2 c. of almost anything equals the size of half an orange etc.) Learn to "eyeball" the correct portion of each food. Take your WW guide with you to the restaurant,plan ahead (even early in the day) what you are going to order and plan your points or your calories (depending on which plan you follow)for the rest of the day around it.

If you are careful, and really KNOW your plan, you can still lose weight and not feel so deprived. Moderation in all things.

We are here to cheer you on!!


    Bookmark   April 7, 2005 at 10:29PM
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I do the take half home thing as well. I am only 5 feet tall so the amount of food I should eat even when not dieting is much less than someone 6 foot and a man to boot! There is an upside for your husband in this, you know! He gets to eat what you don't want to! I had dinner with a man friend not too long ago ( 6 foot plus guy). He had picked up some take out dinners for us. He finished his and was chatting with me while I nibbled mine. I turned my plate and offered the remainder of my entree. He gratefully accepted!

    Bookmark   April 8, 2005 at 6:32PM
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Well, this is the good thing about my husband as well, he will eat off my plate readily and also watch me because he's hoping I will leave something behind (but not salad, only the carbs). It is disgusting because he's an ectomorph and in the beginning with us, I was the slim beauty. Menopause is the enemy; my body wants every single living breathing calorie and is loathe to rid itself of any of it. It all seems to settle beneath the breasts and just below the hips. When I lose weight these days, it's in the legs arms and the face (always skinny), never where I need it to be until the very end!

    Bookmark   April 8, 2005 at 6:58PM
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Instead of taking sides in the domestic dispute, I will offer strategies for eating out success.

Some ideas that work for me:
1) order a child's meal
2) order a salad, Meg-Ryan style (I have to do this at O'Charleys): I'd like the garden salad, no cheese please, dressing on the side. Yes, high-maintenance but not as high as bringing your own food
3) Proportion the plate when you order. Order something that will result in 1/2 green veggies, 1/4 protein, 1/4 grain.
4) My best eating-out mnemonic: your fist is a cup. So if it's Chinese, and you want to limit the rice, for example, measure out a fist-size portion, and push the rest away for a doggie bag. The fist trick really helps me portion-control when eating out.
5) At mexican, I like to enjoy myself, so I count out 20 nacho chips, break them up and load up with salsa (which is free on WW)! I find it is better to enjoy in moderation rather than to abstain. When I abstain, I find myself too tempted next time to binge on them. :-) OH and another mex restaurant winner I have found is the chicken soup. Yum!

And finally:
One meal splurge per week does not sabotage a diet. So use the strategies I have put up, or those others have provided, and try to enjoy life!

The best "diet" (I prefer healthy lifestyle) is one you can actually do for life, without too much effort.

(P.S. - my hubby is naturally thin and naturally strong-will-power, and judges me, also - so if I waited on HIM to help, support or approve of any of my life choices, I'd never get anywhere. I do what I want, for me and my health).

And the truth is - men DO have different metabolisms. The men in my WW group would lose weight without even barely trying. I don't think men can ever relate to we women and the challenges of losing weight.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2005 at 6:03PM
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While I agree that restaurant portions (including salads) are bigger than a WW "serving," let's face it--none of us are on WW because of eating too much salad, LOL!

I eat at much in the way of zero-point vegetables as I want, without regard to serving size. The killer with salads, of course, is the dressing. Many places have fat free dressing, or alternatively, I use salsa as dressing (0 points).

    Bookmark   April 19, 2005 at 10:25AM
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Do you really feel your hubby is trying to sabotage? Perhaps he is feeling uncomfortable or even insecure at the thought of a "new you." He may even feel that a slimmer you will attract attention from other men.

Sit down with your hubby when you can have his undivided attention and calmly reassure your connection with him. Let him know what the benefits of healthier you (i.e. less heart attack risks, longevity, even more s@x with him!) Let him know this lifestyle change is important to you and you need his support, which means not trying to temp you with bad food. Perhaps you can compromise on going out to eat where you get to choose the restaurant or even take turns. Perhaps you could even arrange where the both of you could work out together. It all comes down to a fear of change, but if he can feel like he is a part of the process, then he will be less insecure.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2005 at 3:05PM
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gardengrl, Ahh but remember, whatever you promise DH, you have to deliver on!!!!!


    Bookmark   April 19, 2005 at 5:50PM
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