Neighbourhood Adult Bully

intimidatedApril 10, 2010

I am being bullied by my neighbour across the road parking his car directly across my driveway. It is a small court and everyone else parks in their own driveway. I have asked him twice not to park there, I also sent a friendly note explaining why it is difficult to get out of my driveway and his continual reaction was to do the opposite. He now parks three cars all the way around the driveway and I have to drive up the naturestrip to get out. Nor the Police or the Council will help me, as he is not parking illegally, just immorally. He walks the street spreading rumours (only times he ever talks to anyone) and follows me in his car when I go walking the dogs.

He stands out the front of his house when I try to get into my driveway and laughs at me, sometimes he has his friends over and they all stand out the front and laugh.

I have had a mental break down over this, I am intimidated and bullied every day and have been for 2 1/2 years now. I have now decided to move. It is not what I want to do as I have but a lot of money and time into my house, I just can't cope anymore emotionally. I realise that moving makes me look like the loser, however who cares what other people think. At the end of the day, I will be happier, healthier and that is the most important thing.

I wish inconsiderate bullies did not exist however they do more and more because the law allows it. :(

Sometimes I can see why people take the law into their own hands. The law doesn't help me.

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[quote]He walks the street spreading rumours (only times he ever talks to anyone) and follows me in his car when I go walking the dogs.[/quote]

If he is following you I think that would constitute stalking. If it constitutes stalking, then the police HAVE to get involved. You don't say whether you are male or female and that can make a difference in how to handle things. As a last resort, do you have 3 or 4 friends that are a little larger and more intimidating than what the neighbors are? If so, maybe they would want to have a talk with them. Do you know any bikers? And I don't mean the 10 speed type. A dozen or so tattooed hardcore Harley riders can go a long way with intimidation. Maybe have a cookout and invite the riders and their gals over, park the bikes where they are legally parked but close to the neighbors cars to where they can't move and maybe they will have to come over to your house to politely ask them to move their bikes. LOL!!!

    Bookmark   April 11, 2010 at 7:26AM
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Forget the bikes, invite friends over and have them park their cars directly across from his driveway. And even when you have no one over, park your car in the street as well. Perhaps when he has to deal with being unable to get his car in and out, he'll change his habits.

What about your neighbors? Doesn't this bother them as well? In 2½ years you've never mentioned this problem to your neighbors? And if you have, are you saying they've not supported you in your complaints?

    Bookmark   April 11, 2010 at 4:23PM
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I don't understand how blocking someones driveway is not an issue for the police. That can't be legal parking. Have him towed away.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2010 at 9:08AM
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Is he actually blocking her driveway? (Parked at the end of her drive on her side of the street) Or is he parked on his side of the street at the end of her drive? I get that he's not allowing her as much room as she feels she needs to back out of her drive. If this is the case, then having him towed could possibly land her in jail.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2010 at 12:19PM
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Surely there are city ordinances that can be enforced, if the neighbor is in actuality blocking your driveway!
Have you spoken to an attorney? I can't imagine that the city has no solution to the right of access and egress of a persons driveway!

    Bookmark   April 12, 2010 at 4:58PM
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She wrote "I am being bullied by my neighbour across the road parking his car directly across my driveway."

That sounds like blocking her driveway to me.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2010 at 8:19AM
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In our neighborhood, driveways are staggered so no driveway is in line with a driveway across the street.

I think she means that the bully is parking his car in the street front of his own home. But this places the bully's car in direct line with her driveway which means if she backs out straight back she could ram the side of the bully's car.

It's rude, but not actually blocking the OP's driveway.

It might be worth considering buying a real junker and accidentally ramming the bully's car (at full speed) during a backing up situation. Sometimes, it just takes drastic measures to get someone's attention. (LOL)

    Bookmark   April 13, 2010 at 9:42AM
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I can't imagine the laws in Australia being much different than in the U.S. Law enforcement has been called and they determined he wasn't breaking the law. From that I have to think that he is not parking directly across her driveway. Is he a JackA$$? Yes. But breaking the law? I just don't know. I too, would be intimadated by having to back out into a narrow lane with a car parked across the way but I'm thinking I'd just have to deal with it. All her actions to date have caused him to react in a negative way and that hasn't helped either. This thing has escalated out of control and moving may be her only recourse.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2010 at 9:50AM
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IF there is enough room on the street to back out then she should take some lessons in backing up her car. If there is not enough room then it should be towed.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2010 at 8:54AM
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Intimidated, moving doesn't make you look like a loser, it shows the bully that you have the money to live where ever you please and that you don't have to put up with a jerk for a neighbor.

Being kind of a jerk myself I probably would have driven into all of the cars blocking my driveway, and claimed that I just wasn't that good at drivin' a big ol' car, ya'll. I'd say, gee, was I that close? I'm sure I would have bashed the SOB after the friendly note episode. And I would have done it in front of him and his laughing friends. They'd stop laughing real quick when they see their vehicles being trashed. But you gotta keep your cell phone turned on and dial 911 as soon as those guys start coming toward you.

Many years ago, when I was a young girl, I made a right turn onto a country road and cut off a car full of men who were turning left onto the same road. They immediately sped up, cut me off and then stopped in front of me. I stopped also since it was a narrow road. But when they all got out of their car and started coming towards me, one of them was holding a baseball bat, I knew I was in real trouble. So I closed my eyes, goosed the engine and sped right past them. I don't know if I hit anyone, and I never cared. They didn't follow me and I got home safely. The lesson learned was don't mess around with a guy holding a baseball bat, just get out of there.

I'm not really advocating bashing your neighbor's car, but it sure is fun to think about doing it. You need to take a lesson from the movie, Fried Green Tomatoes, where she finally gets tired of other people bullying her and she just crashes right into the car of the rude women. Don't be intimidated by a guy with a brain the size of a walnut, increase your car insurance coverage and when they start laughing at you, open your window, wave, and laugh while you step on the gas, bash them, back up and bash them again. Be sure to yell, Yehaaa Tawanda!! a couple of times while doing it.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2010 at 9:40AM
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Immoral parking aside, you said: He walks the street spreading rumours (only times he ever talks to anyone) and follows me in his car when I go walking the dogs.

I agree with kevin45. That sure sounds like stalking, which would enable you to get an Order of Protection / Restraining Order. I'd urge you to go in to the station and talk with an officer. Don't focus so heavily on the parking, police generally don't like to get involved in neighbor 'feuds'. Focus on being followed and let them know how it's affecting you. (Have you checked his public record for any history of that kind of behavior? It should be accessible online, free of charge, since most County's have their court dockets online now. )

Meanwhile check out this site, it's devoted entirely to bad situations with neighbors. They've seen it all. Some of their stories are so sad to read, but you're not alone, so at the least you'll get empathy from someone who's been there and also get advice on how to handle it and the law. Click on first message board at top, "Next Door Neighbor Problems".

    Bookmark   April 17, 2010 at 8:40AM
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Get hold of a lawyer and ask what can be done.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2010 at 12:45PM
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Intimidated, maybe ask advice on a site where folks know more about the laws in Australia or contact a lawyer.

Asking here you are getting advice from US folks and the laws are different.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2010 at 5:04PM
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I am surprised at some of the ideas you've been offered--ramming his car, getting bikers to intimidate him. These stunts only put yourself at his level and escalate the problem.

I don't blame you for moving. However, it might be wise to talk with the police to get their feedback before you do anything. If he is parked legally, then there isn't much you can do about that. But if he is following you, then you do have something to report to the police. He sounds like an awful person, and if you can move away, it might be best.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2010 at 8:30PM
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We had something similar happen to us. With everything we attempted, with every visit by police and other city officials, the bullies did something to make our situation even more uncomfortable. After living in agony for too long, we moved. It was the best thing we could have done, and we are very happy with our new, pleasant, peaceful neighborhood. Bullies enjoy drama and tension so they have a huge advantage over us normal people.

Best of luck to you!

    Bookmark   April 25, 2010 at 11:08AM
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I agree with iread06. This man reminds me of my Ex. He did things deliberately to yank my chain during the divorce proceedings. Everything from cutting my phone line to driving thru my flower beds to turning off the electricity at the meter. It took a while, but, I finally realized that if I didn't react to his shenanigans he would stop. I must say that it took quite awhile for me to stop waiting for the next "shoe to drop" before I relaxed. So, if you're not in a position to move and his vehicle is not actually parked on your side of the street blocking your drive, go about your business and ignore him. You might want to carry a cell with video capability and when he begins to harrass you turn it on and film him. Don't react otherwise. No talking. Just quietly film him and continue on about your business.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2010 at 2:46PM
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If he's parked illegally, call the police.

But if I read your post correctly, he's parked on his side of the street, opposite your driveway. There isn't anything illegal about that, and since he has declined to move his car, I suggest you figure out a way to back out without hitting him. Is the road really so narrow that you can't? Or back into your driveway so you have an easier time pulling out.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2010 at 7:46PM
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Taking this discussion to the next level...technically speaking it is illegal to back out of a driveway onto a public thoroughfare. By law you are supposed to back into the driveway and pull out, but nobody does it.

Recently there was an incident in our town where a guy backed out and caused an accident, and when all was said and done, his insurance would not cover his claim because he backed out instead of pulling out.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2010 at 1:45AM
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huh? Don't you think we have enough unenforceable laws on the books without passing one that tells you how you can enter and leave your driveway? It's against the law to back out OR pull out of your drive without looking both ways. The person on the street has the right of way.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2010 at 8:22AM
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Does he ever move his car?
If he does, you could park there yourself.

And he might not park there if there was broken glass in the street, or nails.
It's so annoying how those things just get there sometimes!
He'd have to clean it up before moving his car -- and wouldn't you know it?
Just as soon as he does, it's back! So frustrating...

More seriously though -- This guy sounds dangerous, and probably not the type you really want to antagonize.
Moving might be the best option.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2010 at 7:33PM
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This whole issue is something I am well familiar with. You have my sympathies. It also makes me chuckle as I recall a scene from "Fried Green Tomatoes", where Kathy Bates is battling a mid-life crisis, and is getting her parking space at the grocery store. Check it out.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2010 at 12:18PM
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If the other neighbors park in their own driveway, then they see the problem. He can walk around and say what he wants, give people credit for being smart enough to know what's going on. It's the same old thing, they don't want to get involved so they won't side with either one of you. When he has his friends over and they stand there and laugh, that is about as far as they will go to cooperate with the guy. If he were to escalate it further, they wouldn't get involved. Any and all municipalities have laws that assure access by emergency vehicles is not impeded. You also have the right to free access to and from your property. If your neighbor is intentionally taking steps to impede free access to and from your property, there are laws protecting you. If he and his friends are directing actions toward you, this is legally documented as illegal trespassing without them even actually entering your property. Any activity that denies you the peaceful enjoyment of your property is a trespass. I know you don't want to go through the stressful process of protecting your rights, most of us don't but, you have to take a stand. I am positive that when you start hitting him in his pockets, he'll back off. I wish I knew where you lived and saw him following and intimidating you.

The next time you can't get into or out of your driveway, call the police. They have to respond. Do it every time you have a problem. They'll get tired of coming out for that and one way or other, will get the problem fixed. I'm sure if you tell them about the stalking, they'll be on the look out. Make it a matter of record, file a police report. Most of us hard working law abiding citizens don't expect this sort of thing and find it hard to have to deal with it. The police have mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers etc. They know how something like this affects a person. I know you want to avoid confrontation but this just needs to be done to end. Bullys do not bully people who fight back, they pick on easy marks. Don't be an easy mark.

There's something else you could can pick up locking gas caps cheap. Go out one night and put them on all the cars blocking you in. It'll make you feel better knowing the next time he goes to get gas on a blazing summer day or freezing winter night, his anxiety level will go up!!!

    Bookmark   May 2, 2010 at 10:49PM
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If this man is following you with his car when you walk your dogs, he is stalking you. There are stalking laws. If the police aren't doing anything about it, call their boss.

I would also record any verbal harrassment that he gives you. Actually, I would use my phone to record everything, including being followed. If he follows you again, call the police and tell them this man is threatening you, and following you.

He does not have a right to impede your getting into or out of your driveway. Again, I would go higher up in the police force if necessary to get this stopped.

I would not want to live anywhere near this person. He sounds dangerous. You have been stalked by him, and I would insist that you be given protection from him until you such time you are able to move.

You need to stop being a victim and start standing up for your rights.

    Bookmark   May 21, 2010 at 11:34PM
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By the way, when you contact the police, use 911. That is actually the common way to contact police. They are required to respiond to these calls. I am a neighborhood crime watch captain and work constantly with our local police. You would be surprised how many people call or e-mail me about something and what am I going to do. I tell them nothing! I am not the police and they should call 911. The absolutly last thing I would do is post on gardenweb asking what I should do.

    Bookmark   May 22, 2010 at 10:10AM
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CALLIG 911 FOR NONEMERGENCYS is not the proper way to call the police unless it is an emergency. People who do this are tieing up the lines for a real emergency call. Call 911 enough and you could get a ticket.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2010 at 1:16AM
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Oakleif, in many cities calling 911 is the only way to contact the police, fire department,or ambulance.There simply isn't a nonemergency number,at least not a published one.

    Bookmark   May 25, 2010 at 7:08PM
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In Arlington, Texas, 911 is THE only way to contact the police, fire, etc. However, we are a small town of 375,000 between Dallas and Ft. Worth, both of which use 911. You don't call the police just to chat.

    Bookmark   May 25, 2010 at 9:01PM
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I just googled the Arlington, TX police dept. The non-emergency main phone number is published. It is also available by calling Information (411), and probably in the local phone book, which I do not have access to.

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 12:19AM
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Well sherrmann. when some one is attempting to break into your home, google the local PD so you don't bother the 911 folks. In the mean time, I call 911 and tell them to bring a body bag. When you have some idiot stalking you as you walk your dog, for god's sake call 911. When I walk my dogs I carry my cell phone and my 357 as I have a conceal and carry permit. After all, this is Texas!

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 8:43PM
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Pretty funny, Texas! I know you're smarter than that. You wrote: In Arlington, Texas, 911 is THE only way to contact the police, fire, etc. I just pointed out that it isn't so. You were just mistaken, that's all.

I hope you have that 357 drawn at all times to keep yourself safe. Don't shoot yourself in the foot. Ta ta!

    Bookmark   May 26, 2010 at 10:13PM
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How interesting that the original poster has never responded back to any of these useful, interesting and funny suggestions.

Hopefully Intimidated is okay. I myself have never been intimidated and can't imagine rolling over to a bully, but if it's causing that much stress I say get out of dodge.

    Bookmark   May 27, 2010 at 1:30AM
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I was "dead" serious. Someone tries to break into my home, there's a big chance that will be the last thing they ever do! Now, there is an interesting law in Texas. If someone goes into my garage in broad day light and starts to steel items, I can hold him at gun point until the police arrive, but I cannot shoot him. HOWEVER, if the same offence occurs after dark, you are free to protect your property by what ever means you choose.

    Bookmark   May 27, 2010 at 4:35PM
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    Bookmark   May 27, 2010 at 6:02PM
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Don't listen to the people here who are advocating violence if this is not something you're comfortable with. Different strokes for different folks. Go with the "stalking" path and make sure you have some supporting evidence when you go to the police. Maybe, just maybe you'll have him move. But in all honesty people like this idiot are more than willing to escalate the situation so I hate to say that moving may be your only option. It's not worth any more aggravation.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2010 at 8:52AM
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Absolutely DO NOT tuck your tail and run. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to confront the bully yourself, call the damn police. Who cares if you use 911, 411, 311 or a direct number. I assure you you, if the bully is confronting you either with intimidation or other people directing undesirable taunts at you, it is aggression and worthy of a 911 call. You have no idea how far it is about to go and should call 911 right as it is happening. You are fearing for your safety. The police are there to "Serve and Protect". You will not be prosecuted by calling 911 if you fear for your safety. A 357 is a great tool when you fear for your life. Anyone here who feels you should run is a damn fool.This isn't Iran, Afghanistan, Korea, Nazi Germany. If this guy is what you say he is, he'll follow you and torment you more. Where are you going to go? Nip this in the bud now. Get the police involved and keep getting them involved until something is done. Keep documentation.

Contact the most common home owners insurance companies you know cover folks in your area, let them know if they are covering this person that his activity and trespasses are causing you stress and you would like compensation. No, they won't send you money but they will surely contact him. Maybe they will tell him to stop or maybe they will drop him. Either way, he will have a new problem, especially if he is dropped. A new insurance company will want to know why he was dropped and if he is deemed a personal liability risk, good luck on getting insurance. If he has a mortgage, the mortgage company will require insurance.

So, he runs around the neighborhood talking to neighbors about you huh? Subscribe to gay magazines (not just one, a whole bunch) in his name but put some of the neighbors addresses. See how fast word travels through the neighborhood then and the look on his face when they are giving him his mis-addressed mail!!! He won't want to show his face in that neighborhood and he'll become the patsy and be forced to move. Fight back!!!

    Bookmark   May 30, 2010 at 11:11PM
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