The invite for someone you don't know!

SheeshareeIIFebruary 12, 2013

I've heard a few stories but never thought I'd get one of those invites where you don't know who the person is.

Now that I've been staring at this bridal shower invite for a few min. I figured out who it is. For crying out loud, I haven't talked to her in probably a decade! We used to work together back when I was in college and were 'friends' then. Once my job situation changed and wasn't around the area as much she turned into one of those impossible people to coordinate getting together with and was hard to contact. Friendship is a two way street and I finally gave up. Honestly, it was probably for the best as we were both heading very different directions in life. The last time I did try and call (years ago) her number changed. I've often wondered what became of her and a few others.

It was sent it to my parents address with my married last name (I wasn't married back then) and first name spelled wrong. I imagine she didn't send out the invites but would've given them a list.

Anyhow, I just wanted to vent. I currently have mixed feelings over this. Not sure what I'll end up doing yet. In one way it would be nice to see her. In the other sense, I don't care for showers of any kind and am a little irritated over the whole thing.

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anitamo

Vent away! If I was in your situation, I'd go back and forth. But... The straw to break the camel's back, so to speak, would be the misspelling of my name. Doubt I would end up attending.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 5:06PM
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ellendi

Your friend might have taken a "trip down memory lane" and wanted all the people who meant something to her at some point in her life to share this special day with her.
That said, I think it is ridiculous to invite someone to a bridal shower that you haven't spoken to or seen in ten years.
With Facebook, texting and emails, there really isn't an excuse for not keeping in touch in some way.
I personally don't think I would go, but if something struck a cord in you, then contact her and meet for a lunch or dinner.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 5:19PM
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snookums2

Some of these people are gift seekers. They prefer cash as a wedding present. Just so you know.

Personally, I don't think upcoming events that involve gifts are a good time to reconnect. I don't blame you for being irritated. It's an unpleasant position to be in and one that leaves you feeling used.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 5:30PM
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Oakley

It's definitely a no-no to invite someone to a shower where gifts are brought, whom the recipient hasn't even bothered to contact in years. Good grief!

You have an easy way out. "My invitation must have been lost in the mail because my parents don't remember getting it, and of COURSE I would have attended!" :)

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 5:46PM
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snookums2

Nevermind.

This post was edited by snookums2 on Tue, Feb 12, 13 at 18:17

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 6:03PM
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stinky-gardener

"I don't think upcoming events that involve gifts are a good time to reconnect." Oh, you're such a drag, Snookums. Lol!

Shee, If you would like to see the young woman, you could decline the invitation but tell her it was nice hearing from her & you'd like to get together some time.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 6:30PM
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theroselvr

An invite for the shower but not the wedding?

She wants to reconnect alright.
Screw her.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 6:41PM
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liriodendron

Wait, wait, do I understand correctly that the bride sent out an invitation to her OWN bridal shower?

The question of whether or not she's been in contact recently, is beside the point. Inviting people to your own shower is Just. Not. Done.

Totally tacky!

Toss it and forget you got it.

I may be be old (and old-fashioned) but this really takes the cake.

L.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 7:10PM
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SheeshareeII

real quick... I don't believe she sent them out but she would've given my name to the two girls that did.

I'll be back later to comment more.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 7:19PM
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amj0517

In the original post you said, "I've often wondered what became of her and a few others." Coming to the shower won't really be a way to reconnect, but perhaps you could decline because of a prior engagement, but tell her that you'd like to meet for lunch another day.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 7:50PM
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SheeshareeII

Get this, the name on the invite was really throwing me off because I only know of one *Jane* but the last name *Smith* just didn't sound right. I couldn't think of another last name at the time. It hit me later her name WAS Jane Doe. Maybe this is a second marriage?

I considered calling one of the RSVP people and verifying who the bride was, making a polite point to mention I haven't seen her in over 10 years, declining, and ask for some contact info to contact her after the shower assuming it's a surprise. DH thinks it's all silly and that I should just leave it alone. I think I'll do that.

She took the time to track me down so an invite could be sent, she could've found a way to contact me before all this. Like you guys said, a shower isn't a place to reconnect and I'm not feeling like a lunch date at this moment.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 9:20PM
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cyn427 (zone 7)

I would just decline and then let it drop if that is what you want to do. No need to elaborate.

    Bookmark   February 12, 2013 at 9:46PM
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mitchdesj

I think your DH is right, but I can understand how your curiosity got awakened.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2013 at 9:38AM
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ILoveRed

Hmmm. I may have a little different take on things. I have several friends that I have been close to through the years that I have lost touch with. Even years later, I think about those friends.

If I got an unexpected invitation from one of them, I guess I would have to think about how close we were and if I wanted to reconnect.

Depending on the friendship and how close we were...I might consider going. What do you have to lose but an afternoon of your life?

Only you know the motivations and the heart of this old friend.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2013 at 10:40AM
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lizbeth-gardener

What red lover said and from your latest post, it sounds like you still aren't sure of the identity of this person. I would probably have to call the RSVP person to check that out for my own curiosity and do as you say and get contact info for later. I have found over the years that I rarely regret what I did, but more often regret the things I didn't do. Phone calls, cards sent, attending an event, going on a trip/outing, making time for someone, just making the effort to connect with someone when it would be easier not to, etc.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2013 at 11:41AM
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kswl2

I'd probably just send a card. If she's interested in reconnecting she'll follow up. IMO, tracking down someone to put them on a guest list for a life event involving presents is tres tacky.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2013 at 12:40PM
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SunnyCottage

I too would simply decline without elaborating, as cyn427 said. DH and I received a graduation announcement a couple of years ago from someone that we had never even heard of before. It was a distant relative on his side, but he had absolutely no idea who this kid was.

    Bookmark   February 13, 2013 at 12:43PM
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theroselvr

So; now you wonder if she's been married/divorced once. Is there an email address you can look up on facebook to see if a friends list is available to figure out who it is? I actually have a 2nd profile just for school people. It's a better way to "connect" when I feel like it.

I still think its weird to be invited to a shower but not the wedding.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2013 at 8:39AM
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SheeshareeII

There was no return address on the invite so I have no way of contact except for the two phone numbers on the RSVP. I can't find anything on her and don't have fb.

I know it sounds like I'm uncertain from the way this post has unfolded but I know it's the same Jane I knew back then. She's the only person with that name I know and the area is where we hung out and she lived. She must have been married once already.

I haven't called yet or thought about it anymore until tonight. I can't believe I failed to mention it this to my one friend today. I'm not bitter or anything like that from the past but have no desire to try and restart even a distant friendship at this point. Honestly, I find it tough to properly spend time with my close friends.

Sunny - I am so baffled that people actually DO that! It's not like the person on the receiving end of the invite doesn't realize they're being used for a gift. Perhaps some people still give?

    Bookmark   February 15, 2013 at 10:25PM
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Elraes Miller

No return address on the mail? I would let this one go. Dislike showers too and reconnecting with someone at a party would be difficult. Hate to say this, but if a "friend" hadn't opened themselves to contact in 10 years, it would elude me why she only did so for a shower. Perhaps she has done this to many friends, losing them on the way as with you.

Enjoy the friendships you have now.

    Bookmark   February 16, 2013 at 8:15AM
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