Wedded bliss, aka The Redneck Bonanza

annie1992August 14, 2007

OK, finally, I got those wedding/reception pictures on Photobucket. We had the obligatory short and sweet Methodist wedding ceremony, total time 12 minutes and they were married. The wedding party didn't look too tacky in their red, white and blue:

The bride and groom had the first dance on the "dance floor", which was the lawn/hayfield outside the town hall:

The formal dance over, it was time for the traditional wedding "chicken dance":

Any of the women with any sense at all took off their shoes because their heels sank down into the dirt. Here is Amanda, David and Elery. Notice her bare feet?

Meanwhile, the dinner was going on inside the hall and it was only about 95F. Sigh. Dylan had helped make the pickle trays and had plunged his unwashed and sweaty arm into the jar of pickles. Elery decided that perhaps he'd lost his appetite and had a second glass of wine. I decided that I'd better become the designated driver. Dylan decided to have a piece of wedding cake. He had long since discarded the white tuxedo...

My brother's girls were waiting in line for supper, they're tough and figured the vinegar in the pickles would kill most germs:

My sister was "mother of the groom". She's the one in blue, trying to keep everything under control:

Dad was supervising, of course:

Stepmom Shirley was just eating and trying to ignore Dad:

Ashley loves the camera, of course, and posed with her friend Cody:

It was pretty crowded inside at the buffet:

My Mom's sister and SIL helped in the kitchen, Aunt Bea was married to Mom's brother and Aunt Ronni is Mom's sister. She's the blonde one that one everyone says I look like. She's 72, I hope I look that good at 72!

My cousin Joyce decided it was too hot inside the hall and promptly stripped down to her slip.

Having both lost my appetite and having been satisfied that the cake didn't fall over before it was cut, I went outside and took off my shoes. Makayla danced with me for a minute, then decided that Elery was more fun:

I tried to avoid the tables outside, it was the only place I've ever seen Bacardi Silver, Juicy Juice and Jello Shots all together, and it was kind of....unsettling:

Amanda danced with Bud:

My brother in law, father of the groom, had a couple of drinks more than absolutely necessary and decided to dance. He did so well that the party named a dance after him. The Rich:

He did so well that the other guys decided to dance The Rich too, including my cousin Bubba and nephew-in-law, Eric:

About the time the guys started riding down the hill in the kids' wagon, an argument started between my oldest nephew's girlfriend and her mother. Notice the background, that's my sister' Yeah, I know, it's scenic:

By that time Elery had half a bottle of wine, nothing to eat, and a sip of the Jack Daniels in David's possession. He promptly declared his never-ending love. About a dozen times. That was just before he tried to walk UP the hill in his slick bottomed leather shoes. The dew had just started and he promptly fell down. I teased him about drinking too much and decided to take him home.

Just on time, too. I was told the next day that the girlfriend and mother who had been arguing kept arguing. The girlfriend finally left in a huff and my nephew was unhappy with his future mother in law. You probably don't need to know that this is the same nephew that got married last summer and I baked his wedding cake, if you remember. A couple of weeks after that wedding the very pregnant girlfriend introduced herself to the new wife and the nephew promptly got served with the divorce papers. Anyway, he wasn't very happy with the soon-to-be MIL, to the point where he finally tried to slap her and hit his own mother, my sister. About that time the drunken mother-in-law to be began to flirt with the DJ, and sat on his lap. Unfortunately, she peed on his leg.

The DJ took exception, said something derogatory. My nephew-in-law decided to come to the fair maiden's rescue and it became interesting. Someone called the police. The arrival of our friendly guys in blue ended the party and I'm just thankful I was gone by then!

I took Elery home where he fell asleep on the couch and I shook my head. The next morning we went to the farm. As Elery was picking beans (his punishment for waxing so romantically poetic the night before) he noticed the newlyweds. They had just come out of the tent behind my sister's house trailer. That's where they spent their honeymoon night. I think Elery said something about romance and location and such....

And a good time was had by all!


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I'm on the floor! What a hoot! You've made my evening.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 12:28AM
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1. Your running commentary made me giggle after a very hard day.

2. Your daughters are the most beautiful members of your family (inside and out).

3. You have amazing grace and humor.

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 12:30AM
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What a hoot!!!!

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 9:51AM
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ROTFLMAO!!!! I've been to weddings much like the one that you have described here. They are always so much fun.

I'm thinking the DJ will not soon forget this wedding! LOL!

Annie, Your girls are so beautiful!

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 5:27PM
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What? No shotgun shenanigans? Well, at least there were jello shots! LOL.

And when did Bud get so big? He was just a baby last time I saw...

    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 5:30PM
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OMG, I read this and it was too funny. I even had to take the laptop over to DH and he was rolling on the floor laughing. I am remembering my brother's wedding last summer. My SIL's family is ummmm "Special". The wedding was alcohol free but by the time the end was over I was ready for more than one drink.


    Bookmark   August 15, 2007 at 9:37PM
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Carol Schmertzler Siegel

ROTFLMAO! What do they say "A picture is worth a thousand words?" although I am ROTFL from your storytelling, Annie!

and I thought the silly string at my wedding was crazy fun, LOL!

    Bookmark   August 16, 2007 at 7:30AM
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Great narrative Annie. It takes all sorts to make a family doesn't it. ;-)

So who's gonna make Annie's cake?!?? (out the door.....) Maureen

    Bookmark   August 16, 2007 at 8:33PM
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So who's gonna make Annie's cake?!??

Yeah, that's what I want to know!

Annie, thanks for posting the pics...the story is so funny even the second time around.

    Bookmark   August 16, 2007 at 10:54PM
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ROTFL! Please pass the Bacardi & Juicy Juicy (I think I'd be doing "the Rich" if I had a few of those too.) I agree whole heartedly with Denise.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2007 at 2:24PM
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LOL! LOL! Annie.....too funny! I can't see the pics here at work for some reason, but I was laughing out loud just reading your description!! Ha ha!

You should write a screenplay and send it to Fox or Country Music TV so they can make a sit com! Then you can retire to La La Land and let Elery be your pool boy/boy toy. Heeeeeeee!

We will skip the Peach Sangria and try Bacardi and Juicy Juice at the next get together!

    Bookmark   August 17, 2007 at 3:02PM
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Oh Annie, thanks for the laugh. I keep forgetting to check the Gallery. Glad I didn't miss this.


    Bookmark   August 17, 2007 at 6:43PM
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OMG, I am going to pee my pants, I am laughing so hard! Unfortunately no DJ's nearby so I will cross my legs!

Redneck Bonanza! Love it!


    Bookmark   August 18, 2007 at 10:01AM
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OMG Annie, too funny and unbelievable! There's obviously good reason that you chose to live in town and not out at the farm!

    Bookmark   August 18, 2007 at 9:30PM
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OMG, i am just dying of laughter. i love your story-telling, i can just visualize it all. too, too funny!!!!!

and i thought my nephew's "country" wedding was a tad colorful.

thanks for sharing, today i really needed a good laugh!

    Bookmark   August 19, 2007 at 4:16PM
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Ellen, believe it. It all happened, and I captured it on film. LOL

I do want to take this opportunity to once again remind you that most of the "bad actors" here are NOT related to me, but were guests of other family members. (grin)

Now, as for baking my cake, well, I just don't know. What's not to like, though, about a man who can make me smile like this?


    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 1:18AM
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Hi Annie! I'm glad I dropped in, I'm having a laundry day in between trips.

First, that picture of you adn Elery is amazing. You are gorgeous and he is dashing. You both look like former movie stars. And I mean that in a good way, not a post-rehab way!

Now, your description of the wedding is absolutely hilarious. Your family is a trip. The dj getting pee'd on was my favorite part!


    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 8:42AM
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I have come back to read this four or five times and laugh out loud over and over again. Tooooo funny. I can't believe you have a cousin named Bubba.

Your girls are gorgeous and so are you. Are you sure you weren't switched at birth?

I don't know who is luckier -- Elery or you. Nice!

    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 11:58AM
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Well, Bubba's name is really Joe. He has a brother named Brian and we affectionately refer to the pair of them as
the Water Buffaloes ever since the time they came to a 4th of July party at my house and both jumped into the pool at the same time, creating a "high tide". LOL

AM, thanks for the explanation about not being "post-rehab". (grin) Thank you.

Switched at birth? Well, I dunno, but the first time Elery met my sister and her "crew" he looked at me and said "You were adopted. That's the only explanation". I just smiled and told him I was the "white sheep" of the family....


    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 3:39PM
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Hey! What happened to the redhead?

    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 3:58PM
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Gina, I'm having trouble staying a redhead! The original $45 salon color job stayed red about 4 days. I've been coloring it every couple of weeks and it's red for a couple of days, then it's blonde again. It just doesn't seem to "stay" no matter what I or the salon does. That picture was taken 6 days after I colored my hair "apricot" for about the 5th or 6th time.

I keep trying though, I'm committed to the concept of being a red headed floozie....


    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 5:46PM
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Well I sure came to the right place. I needed this little pick me up badly. Thanks for such a hilarious story with pics to boot!

I lost it when I got to the part about the drunkin mother in law peeing on the DJ's leg. OMG that is by far the funniest thing I've heard.

You Annie look very beautiful. Nice looking couple you are!

    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 6:59PM
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It's been 6 or more months since I checked in at the Gallery. I'm sure glad I did. The stunning picture of you and Elery makes me so happy for you.


    Bookmark   August 20, 2007 at 7:35PM
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Annie, are you sure you don't live in North Carolina? I think those people are my mother's immediate family! This is the first time I've checked in at the Gallery, and I'm glad I did...that was hilarious!

    Bookmark   August 21, 2007 at 12:16AM
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Annie - you and Elery just look sooo happy in that picture - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you two. What a wonderful couple you make.

And thanks for sharing the wedding pics/story - I haven't laughed so hard in quite awhile!!


    Bookmark   August 21, 2007 at 1:06AM
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Annie, I think that's the best story yet! Certainly some magazine or tv show would pay you to re-tell it for the public's amusement, you're such a good storyteller. In any case I love the photo of the two of you. Elery is so good looking and so kind, you'd better grab him now, before he sees much more of your black sheep family! LOL!

    Bookmark   August 21, 2007 at 1:48AM
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Do you know how hard it is to NOT laugh at this when you have kids sleeping next to you in a hotel room?

Annie, you might want to ask some of the folks at the Health and Beauty forum about hair coloring issues. Just don't read threads about shoelacs, 'k?

Hmmm.....potential first forum wedding? Grand Rapids airport, right?

    Bookmark   August 22, 2007 at 11:25AM
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Oh man that was funny! The peeing mother took the then I was laughing out loud! And the cousin in the slip!

You two do look really happy together. I think that makes us all happy.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2007 at 12:11PM
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Sorry, Jessica, but your boys would probably have enjoyed the story a lot. (grin) As for those shoelaces, isn't it clear from my pictures that we don't even WEAR shoes? Ahem...

Forum wedding? Elery and I are planning a trip to California in Feburary, I think, to visit his oldest son. We'll discuss it then. Besides, Gardengrl is marrying Steven this month, so she's before me, and Mique got married a couple of years ago.

Now, I will admit that I would probably be the first forum member to have you all go through my divorce after a 30 year marriage, my very traumatic 50th birthday, the birth of BOTH of my grandchildren, my youngest child starting college AND a second marriage, if that were to happen.

Wow, a lot has happened in my life in the last five years, I gotta learn to RELAX!! I refuse to pee on the DJ's leg, though, sorry. (grin)

Don't worry, when I get the "official" proposal, I'll make sure I make an announcement here.


    Bookmark   August 22, 2007 at 3:07PM
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Annie, Now that you have mentioned it, you have had a lot of activity in your life of late and thanks for sharing. All for the good!


    Bookmark   August 22, 2007 at 4:58PM
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Great things for a great lady. It's about time!
California trip? You'd better make it to L.A, we need to check him out for ourselves!

    Bookmark   August 23, 2007 at 12:46AM
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Ellen, his son lives in Irvine, he's talking about a couple of days there, then several more to visit Napa or surrounding areas, whatever suits us.

Please, though, don't make me drive anywhere horrible...


    Bookmark   August 23, 2007 at 12:26PM
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We're in between Irvine and Napa, so you'd better have Elery bring you to L.A. Missy, or you'll never hear the end of it!

    Bookmark   August 23, 2007 at 6:08PM
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Time for the LA Gang to get our united front together and ensure this happens. We can't let Annie weasel out of meeting us. I volunteer my place for a get-together unless we can talk Pharoah into his place.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2007 at 9:06PM
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Very funny story and great pictures as usual, Annie! Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you all had such fun and that you got out of there just in time!

    Bookmark   August 23, 2007 at 9:11PM
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Name the time and the place, I'll be there! My house is available too!

    Bookmark   August 24, 2007 at 2:16AM
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Ellen, I'd love to visit everyone, or meet for supper or whatever. I just don't want to drive anywhere that will make me never want to come to California again, I'm still not sure I want to go there now!

I've heard too many stories about the 5 hour traffic jams and such and you know how claustrophobic I get if you have a whole lot of people in one spot? Heck, I won't even go to concerts, there are too many people!

Right now we're looking at Feburary 15-22, but that depends on whether it works for his son. Could you maybe get everyone to move out of LA for a weekend? LOL


    Bookmark   August 24, 2007 at 3:45PM
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Annie: We love you. Suffer.

    Bookmark   August 24, 2007 at 4:53PM
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Oh lord, what's with all this whimpering? Is that you Annie? You sound like me trying to get up the nerve to go to the mall! Come on out, it ain't so bad. Let Elery do the driving and you just sit back and listen to the radio and relax!

    Bookmark   August 24, 2007 at 6:59PM
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Oy, I can't believe I've been so busy I missed this wonderful thread!!! Annie, those pictures tell a perfect story of the Redneck Wedding:-)I really love the photos of your family, your daughters are beautiful, Makayla and Bud are adorable, and well, you know Elery is a hottie!! You know, if we didn't have family members (I use that terms loosely) that were less than perfect, what WOULD we talk about?????

You should go to California, and not worry about the traffic and the crowds. Especially if Elery does the driving. It will make you appreciate your small town in Michigan all the more. Even the rednecks:-) And if you're anywhere near LA, there will definitely be some good eatin'!

    Bookmark   August 24, 2007 at 7:11PM
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Does this mean Annie is a back-seat driver? LOL! Come on up north to see me. Yes, there are traffic problems in some places but no where you really want to go. And I know all the back roads.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2007 at 11:03AM
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I'll tell you what, Irvine is about an hour and 20 minutes away for me when there's no traffic and I'm the CF member that's furthest away. We could even meet at a place down there! None of us want to miss the opportunity to see you and check him out! LOL!

    Bookmark   August 25, 2007 at 1:04PM
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ROFL I haven't been around much lately, just stopped by and saw your post Annie and you made my day. I laughed so hard--having just come back from spending time with family, I salute you - and Elery, for being brave enough to join you! Thanks for sharing and for your wonderful perspective on life!

    Bookmark   August 26, 2007 at 3:22PM
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Jessica, I'm just asking that you find a place that won't cause me to find the nearest road headed East, that won't make me spend 5 hours in a traffic jam to get to.

Elery has been out to visit his son once before, he flew into LA and said he learned to hate driving in California within the first 15 minutes. He swore he'd never go back. And this is a man who will drive me into Detroit, so it had to be bad.

His son just adopted a little boy from Russia, and wants him to come out and meet the new grandson. It's probably the only thing that would get Elery back to California. He's tried to talk his son into coming here so everyone could visit but apparently he has a relatively new job and can't get the time off work, plus there would be plane tickets for five (they have two other biological sons).

So if/when we go, we'd visit them on the weekend and spend the rest of the time doing whatever suited us, although I could take the rental car and drive wherever I had to to meet everyone, or Elery would drive me if that fit in with his son's schedule and time to visit.

So c'mon, make it easy for me, instead of having a driving experience like Elery's, one which made him swear to never go back.


    Bookmark   August 26, 2007 at 7:04PM
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John Wayne Airport

might save you some traffic when you arrive in California and then you could jump on the "back roads."

    Bookmark   August 26, 2007 at 11:21PM
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thanks, denise, I thought Elery said we'd be flying into John Wayne and I thought "that can't be right". LOL I guess so!

Back roads? Does that mean less than 12 lanes? (grin)


    Bookmark   August 27, 2007 at 3:08PM
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Well, see, Elery flew into LAX and drove to the OC last time. That's no fun, I agree. And it depends on the time of day he was on the freeway. Rush hour? Fuggedit!

Sounds like you won't have much time, so us L.A. people will just have to come down there somewhere - maybe meet you at the South Coast Plaza. (Did I say that? Auuughhhh!!!!)

    Bookmark   August 27, 2007 at 6:11PM
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I was on a 14 lane freeway this weekend. :)

    Bookmark   August 27, 2007 at 10:04PM
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Well, Gina, I guess that must mean that South Coast Plaza is a mall? LOL

I don't know what time Elery got into California but he said it took over two hours just to pick up his rental car and then a bit more than three hours to get to his son's house. He's used to here, where you look at the map, say "that's 50 miles away, it'll take an hour or less". (grin) That clearly did not happen, but since I am already intimidated by the thought of California traffic, his experience did not help my "fear of California" at all!


    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 12:04PM
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There's also a big IKEA down there by the freeway. I'd like that better than the mall. They have a spacious cafeteria there. Well, when you guys are firming up your plans, send me or Jess his son's address and we'll look up what's nearby.

    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 12:31PM
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I've never been to an IKEA either, I just have to remember that I'm going home by plane and not buy anything big. Just the thought of the mall made you change your mind, didn't it? (grin)

And what's the OC?

I don't know a darned thing about anywhere in California, I know Jessica also offered her house, but I don't know where that is compared to all of the rest of you. Of course, I don't know where ANYTHING is compared to the rest of you. I think my biggest fear isn't the traffic, it's getting LOST....


    Bookmark   August 28, 2007 at 4:17PM
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You're not LOST, you're just somewhere you've never been before.........

Jessy, Gina and Ellen were all so accomodating when I was there! Awesome chauffeurs!!
You'll be OK.

Thanks for sharing the....uh.......adventure!


    Bookmark   August 30, 2007 at 2:46PM
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Annie this is such a great story and your narration is perfect!

Yes you, Ashley and Amanda are really the beauties of the group. Did Ashley cut her hair? It looks shorter in that photo.
And the pic of you and Elery is truly lovely! You both look so happy.

Good luck for your trip out to the west coast and for your future with Elery.


    Bookmark   September 5, 2007 at 4:53AM
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Finally, I'm back! Sharon, welcome home. Yes, Ashley got her hair cut. Again. She changes her hair more often than her shoes, it seems like to me.

Thanks for all the good wishes too, I spent a couple of days last week camping with Elery and we're still smiling, so that's a good thing....


    Bookmark   September 8, 2007 at 9:31PM
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Threads like this make me glad I got high speed working again.

: )

    Bookmark   September 8, 2007 at 11:37PM
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Carol Schmertzler Siegel

Glad you're back, Annie, and still smiling! So how was the camping trip?

    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 7:57PM
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Hey Annie, glad to hear you are safely home. I had the joy of driving down PCH on a Sunday afternoon. Took five hours from Ventura to La Jolla. At least I wasn't doing the driving so I got to watch the crazies dash across four lanes of highway carrying all their beach gear to get to their car parked along the side of the road.

No thank you. Give me Cape Cod in September over that!

    Bookmark   September 9, 2007 at 9:47PM
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What can I add that hasn't already been said?

All the best in the world to you and Elery, Annie. There's something especially joyful about two good people finding each other.

Oh heck, this hasn't been said. To quote the inimitable Spock, "Live long and prosper."


    Bookmark   September 11, 2007 at 12:22PM
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OMG...memories of MI and I think I've been to a couple of similar weddings.

Dang, you and Elery look so good together and so happy!


    Bookmark   September 11, 2007 at 5:14PM
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OMG, this reads like Erma Bombeck, Annie. I think you've missed your calling. ;)

    Bookmark   September 15, 2007 at 8:52PM
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Hey Annie,

Is the trip to CA still on? Gotta be, right?

FWIW, I'm used to country driving/small city driving and I drove in Orange County with no trouble. (Preferred it to what I'm having to get used to in Baltimore!) Also, Laguna Beach and Crystal Cove are unbelievably gorgeous. You can escape to nature in half an hour/an hour while you're there. You'll be fine. You might even like it. 8^) Just wish I could meet you there.


P.S. LOVE the wedding story and pictures! Michigan... Texas... apparently they're the same!

Here is a link that might be useful: Irvine to Crystal Cove

    Bookmark   September 16, 2007 at 8:41AM
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Amanda, the trip is definitely still on, we're leaving Michigan February 14 or 15 and coming back the 22nd, I think.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I'm just about having a panic attack thinking about driving there... I wish I could meet you too, I just know I'd love you. I already do!

See, I keep telling you that Michigan and Texas are really the same, except for temperature! Lars even tells me that my Lake Michigan shoreline looks like the surf in Galveston!


    Bookmark   September 17, 2007 at 1:35PM
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