Smiling on the outside

susie_queMarch 31, 2010

But pretty bummed on the inside...heres the situation.

I have a nephew who was born between my 2 kids so he is 19 soon to be 20.

From the day he was born you could tell that something was not right. AS he got older he was slow about everything.

My family encouraged his parent to seek out answers but his mom-my SIL chose to ignore it. I think she was afraid of what the doctors may say and so she placed him in standard school and hoped for the best.

The teachers told his parents he needed special education but again they refused saying they wanted to keep him "mainstream". In 6th grade they placed him in a school which gave him some special care-When he turned 16 he left the school to persue life.

Sean is a nice boy...not a mean bone in his body and always a smile on his face and a willingness to try new things amd learn but unfortunately he does not have the ability to retain info nor does he read or write.

He also has a sibling who is the wild child-always in trouble in and out od jail, drop out, in and out of bad relationships and Sean saw all this and thought it was cool.

Fast forward to now.

Sean has a little job much like my Andrew-he works at a market as a cart boy. His social life involves playing video games and hanging out with friends.

We kid him because he said he had a girlfriend. I mean he knows what a girlfriend is and all but to us its apparent that due to his disability any romance or relationship would most likely not occur.

On Saturday Sean became the father of a beautiful baby girl. Brianna Marie was 6lbs 15oz and perfectly healthy!!

Its been a whirlwind of drama over the past few days...is the baby his?? Well he claims she is his.

Does he understand how this happened?? He claims there was a condom involved.

The mom does not have a learning disabilty and calls Sean the babys daddy and they appear to be in a relationship but I have my doubts.

First of all I was not told of the pregnancy...I got a phone call on Monday telling me the news.

The mom claims she didn't know she was pregnant until about a month ago and "thought" she might be 3 months along.

Needless to say Frank and I were blindsided!!

I went to see the baby and she is just about a beautiful as a baby can be but my first comment was "get a paternity test ASAP!"

Seans whole family is celebrating but I am like "are you kidding me?" This may or may not be Seans baby and even if she is his, Sean is in no way capable of taking on this resposibility-he can't even read the directions on the can of formula for gods sake! And if you tell him how to do it, he will forget by the next feeding!!

The baby mamma seems ok but her family life is not good...her dad is dying and mom is a little off.

Last night I asked if anyone has talked to them about adoption and I was just about BLOWN out of the water LOL!!

As of today there is no plan to do the paternity test they claim is to costly....me personally I would have had it done before they left the hospital!!

BTW...I do have pics of the baby to put up on Facebook however because some family members do not know yet I cannot post her picture just yet...but by tomorrow I can so if you'd like to check her out do so tomorrow.

Please send prayers to these 2 kids that they get the help they need and the guidance to make the right desicion for whats best for this sweet innocent little girl.

Thanks for listening!!

Susie

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cloudy_christine

Susie, can you talk to an advocate for the mentally disabled?
I don't know what agency it would be, but I am sure there are social workers who could advise you.
It may well be that he is the baby's father, of course.
It doesn't seem to be in the girl's interest to name him if he isn't, since he clearly can't contribute much financially.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2010 at 1:01PM
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susie_que

This is a very shady situation to say the least.
So many lies that I am afraid I may never really know the truth but as far as my brother and SIL are concerned they are planning a shower for this girl!!
Their daughter is the mom of a nearly 3 yr old so they should know what to expect.

I believe that they are mad at me for speaking the truth so I plan to lay low about this and see how it all plays out over the next few days.

Shady shady shady-I mean she was born on Sat morn and I wasn't told til Monday afternoon??
Lies abound and the truth will surface eventually.

It all feels so Maury?? LOL!!

    Bookmark   March 31, 2010 at 1:09PM
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sprout26

I'm pretty sure I saw about this same thing on a Law & Order rerun recently...man, what a tough thing figuring out how to deal with. I know more than one developmently delayed girl being sterilized for that reason...maybe it needs to be an option for the boys as well.

good for you for at least smiling about a new life on the planet.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2010 at 1:47PM
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foodonastump

Based on your posts I take it that your brother and SIL have three kids and one previous grandkid.

So they should know what to expect. Exactly.

I mean she was born on Sat morn and I wasn't told til Monday afternoon?? Maybe they anticipated your reaction?

Some family members do not know yet. So at least you're not the last to know!

Babies come to this earth every day, unfortunately not all under the best circumstances or with the best chances. But they are all innocent and should be welcomed. Believe me, I appreciate your concern and sympathize with the predicament. But Dear Abby's famous four letters come to mind.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2010 at 3:10PM
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susie_que

""Babies come to this earth every day, unfortunately not all under the best circumstances or with the best chances. But they are all innocent and should be welcomed""
Agreed.

If this baby is not my nephews, don't you think the real dad has a right to know-even if he is a jerk he has the right to know and it will crush my nephew if she isn't his-just crush him.

I do truely hope She is Seans!!

I made some calls and a paternity test will run about $500 and they will get the results in 3 days....and the birth mom does not have to be there.
Also....because my nephew recieves state assistance-the mom can petition for benefits for her baby.

On a lighter note my Daughter kinda figured it out so it was no biggie her not knowing-see the internet is a fabulous resource....anyways-the baby pics are on my facebook now and yeah she is a cutie pie!!

Cheers!
Susie

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 10:16AM
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ann_t

"On a lighter note my Daughter kinda figured it out so it was no biggie her not knowing-see the internet is a fabulous resource....anyways-the baby pics are on my facebook now and yeah she is a cutie pie!!"

Susie, what did your daughter figure out?

Ann

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 11:21AM
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dedtired

I saw the pics on FB. The baby is darling -- really beautiful. Such innocence.

I completely agree that if there is a question about the father of the baby, the family needs to know. Sean may be proud at the moment but when he is paying to support a child that is not his, he won't be so happy any more. The true father has a right to know and most of all, the baby has a right to know!

The happiest situation would be if the child does turn out to be his (since he seems to want it to be)and they do a terrific job of raising her together. They have a rough road ahead, I'm afraid, but who knows.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 12:17PM
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foodonastump

I also agree everyone should know who the father is. What I was reacting to mainly was, "but my first comment was 'get a paternity test ASAP!'"

Surely the parents know what's at stake here, and they know that they have to look out for their son. While I think that you're right, and you obviously question some parenting decisions they've made in the past, I just feel it's a sensitive situation and not necessarily your place to come in and push for paternity tests, adoption, etc. That's all I meant to say.

Let's hope for the best, whatever the best may be!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 12:33PM
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dedtired

Ooops. Raising HIM together, not her. Sorry about that.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 8:44PM
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ann_t

I wouldn't disagree that a father should know whether a baby is his or not. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That should be his decision or in the case he isn't capable of making that decision than that of his immediate family. I'm sorry Susie, I know you mean well, but I don't think what goes on in your brother's family is any of your business.

Ann

    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 9:46PM
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marlingardener

Susie,
Your sister-in-law and your brother refused to recognize Sean's needs when he was younger, refused to get him into helpful classes, and obviously haven't been monitoring his life since. Someone has to look out after the young man, and as a caring aunt, it seems to be you.
Don't feel you are interfering--you are caring. Do what you can and leave the rest in God's hands.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2010 at 8:26AM
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