Feeling very low- sad start to the New Year

colleenozJanuary 5, 2014

OK, I thought I'd be OK to post this but I'm starting to tear up even now. I came home from working the breakfast shift on New Year's Day to find my dear little Mischief kitty passed away in the hall outside my bedroom door.
We knew this day was coming as she's been fading for the past two or three weeks, not surprising as she was 18 with health issues. She went off her food, not very interested in eating, though Christmas Day DD spent a lot of time hand feeding her slivers of turkey. Generally even if hand fed she would only eat two or three bites at a time then lose interest. I had some special high calorie cat food from the vet's that you syringe into the cat's mouth, which I was doing, but Missy wasn't very thrilled with this (no surprise).
She had got very thin and the last morning was clearly struggling before I went to work. In a way it was better that she pass on her own as otherwise I would have had to take her to the vet's on the 2nd and I know what he would have said.
It was so hard (and still is). DH offered to come home from the city but I thought it silly for him to do a 200km trip as he would only have been able to stay an hour or two anyway. So I buried her myself in her favourite spot in the garden. I think that's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The house seems so empty now, as I've put away all her stuff- her blanket on the couch, the little stepstool that she used to get up to the couch, her dishes in the kitchen, her scratching post and litter tray. Suddenly there is all this space where Missy isn't :-(.
I keep expecting to see her, looking at her spot on the couch, looking to see her at the window looking out when I come home, waiting at the door to dart out as soon as it is opened. Even going to the loo is weird because often she would follow me down the hall as if to say, Yes, that's a good idea, I think I'll visit my litter tray while you're in there :-)
I also thought I'd done my crying but here I've been sobbing after every paragraph.
I know we'll get another kitty when we're ready, but I do miss my little soft pettable cat so very much, even though she had such a prickly personality. She was very dearly loved
Thank you for listening.

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zep516

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Bookmark   January 5, 2014 at 8:53PM
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annie1992

Oh, Colleen, I'm so sorry. I do know how you feel, as do many others here. I still miss Cooper so badly that it surprises me sometimes, and tears just come.

Missy had a good long life with you, 18 years is a very long time for a cat. She loved you and you took good care of her and no cat could ask for better than that.

Hugs to you, I know it's hard....

Annie

    Bookmark   January 5, 2014 at 11:55PM
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dedtired

Oh Colleen, it's so hard. My Sheena was 18 when her time came. I did have to take her to the vet and I bawled through the whole process. Be grateful Mischief died in her own home. Sweet thing. Sometimes you don;t realize how big their presence is in your life until they are gone. Hugs to you.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 4:03PM
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momj47

That's too bad. And very sad.

You might want to consider getting another kitten/cat right away,( I did that, accidentally when my cat had to be euthanized) It's nice to have someone/something to cry with. And it's so gratifying to fall in love again.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 4:11PM
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mustangs81

I'm tearing up and I didn't know your furbaby but I sure know what you are going through. I experienced much the same thing with my 17 year old precious Noel Elizabeth. It's been two years and I still have a hole in my heart for her. Buster, the kittie in the back, still checks the closet where Noel would take her naps. I hear the closet door slam and I know he has been checking to see if she is there.

I know the feeling won't go away but still I hope you have some closure soon.

(((Cathy)))

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 6:47PM
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KatieC

Oh Colleen, I am sorry. I hope you can take a lot of comfort knowing Mischief had a long and happy life with you. Our conscious minds knowing our pets don't live as long as we do doesn't make the grief process easier.

I'm sitting with my 16 yo mongrel Siamese who's amazingly healthy for a cat that got shot in the back of the head. I'd just had surgery and we recovered together in my recliner Now, if I'm sitting.... he is next to me. We've lost a lot of critters, but this one will be hard. I hope, like your Mischief, that he can go to sleep at home knowing how much he was loved.

Do think about another kitty. There are so many that need loving homes.

This post was edited by katiec on Mon, Jan 6, 14 at 22:10

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 10:03PM
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colleenoz

Thanks for your kind thoughts. It's still so hard, I keep expecting to see Missy in all her usual spots. We'll get a new kitty (probably a pair to keep each other company) when we're a little more settled, right now our work commitments would mean leaving the new kitty/ies home alone for too much time. :-(

    Bookmark   January 6, 2014 at 11:22PM
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compumom

Colleen, I'm sorry for your loss. A pet like Missy is family and no doubt she knew how much you loved her. I've loved and lost a number of furkids, it's never easy. Hugs to you!

    Bookmark   January 7, 2014 at 1:56AM
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mitchdesj

such sad news, it must be so hard for you: keep well and good luck in this difficult time.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2014 at 4:33AM
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pkramer60

It is the love we have for them and the love they have for us, both without reservations, that make losing them so hard. A family member is missing disrupting our routine and leaving empty space. Now who will hear our secrets, comfort us and celebrate with us?

I feel your loss and cry with you but I also know that you have a big heart with room for a new furkid. Let yourself cry and grieve and you will know the right time for an additional love. Missy will never be forgotten.

If you find that you need a "kitty fix", visit an adoption center or shelter and just visit with some of the orphans.

Hugs to you.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2014 at 9:15PM
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sally2_gw

I'm so sorry, Colleen. I know how you feel, as I've lost loved fur babies, too. I know you miss her, and always will. I'm glad she got to spend her life with someone as caring and nice as you.

Sally

    Bookmark   January 8, 2014 at 10:39AM
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colleenoz

Came home today from work to find a live rosemary bush in a pot from a florist's on the doorstep. Accompanying it was a very nice card from all the vets who have helped Missy along her journey for the past few years. How thoughtful!
Must bake brownies as a thankyou :-)

    Bookmark   January 8, 2014 at 10:25PM
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ann_t

Colleen, I'm so sorry for your loss. I cried reading your post. Like others here, I know how you feel. It has been almost seven years since Stetson passed and I still miss him. I know that Moe would love another dog, but I'm just not there yet. We still have Monty and Abby who will be 14 years old this month.

That was very thoughtful of your vet.

~Ann

    Bookmark   January 9, 2014 at 2:37PM
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annie1992

Ann T, that's how I felt about the WonderWeiner. Then Cooper came along, he was "Ashley's Dog". Somehow he snuggled his way into my heart anyway, even though I never wanted another dog.

Sometimes we love them in spite of ourselves.....

Annie

    Bookmark   January 9, 2014 at 10:11PM
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doucanoe

Colleen, I know I am late in sending hugs and condolences.

As another who still has a hole in her heart from losing a beloved pet (or two in my case, Mojo and Chessa only a year apart) I feel your pain.

Mischief was a very lucky kitty to have you as her mom. The best we can do is give them love while they are with us and it is obvious Missy was not lacking in the love department!

Hugs...Linda

    Bookmark   January 17, 2014 at 9:44PM
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lsr2002

Colleen, like so many others here I also know the pain you're feeling with the loss of your sweet Missy. I still remember the dog treats you made and sent to me in an early CF swap and know how much you share your love with all our pets. I hope that all the years of happy memories with Missy will begin to replace the pain you feel now and I understand that for now all you can do is cry and call out her name.

Hugs and thoughts of happier days are going out to you.

Lee

    Bookmark   January 26, 2014 at 12:12AM
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cloudy_christine

I'm so sorry, Colleen.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2014 at 8:22AM
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colleenoz

Thank you all for your condolences. It still is difficult to think about Missy without tearing up, but on a brighter note we've got two kittens on approval from the vet's receptionist. (I strongly suspect we'll keep them :-).) They're cute as buttons and very lively, rather livelier than we're used to :-)
We've just had them a couple of days and seeing how they settle in.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2014 at 9:19AM
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annie1992

Congratulations on the new kittens, Colleen. I imagine that they are rather livelier than you're used to, LOL, but I'll bet they provide you hours of amusement and years of love.

Annie

    Bookmark   January 26, 2014 at 7:26PM
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