Another broken heart

paulinesJanuary 1, 2011

I know I don't post here as much as I used to, but I hope everyone will indulge me. I really need to talk out loud.

Sunday night our beloved doxie, Brandi, passed away in her dad's arms. She would have been 14 yesterday.

It was bitter cold here with a whipping wind and she wasn't happy when we walked her that day. Sunday evening DH took her out, she pished and then made a beeline to come back in. She evidently took a few steps in the hall, collasped, got up and took another few steps and then went down. DH picked her up and brought her into the LR, but she was totally unresponsive and her breathing was shallow.

As I was on the phone with the ER staff, she passed- quickly and seemingly painlessly, thank G-D.

DH and I are beating ourselves up, wondering if we should have just let her go to the bathroom in the house. She had many medical issues, including a somewhat similar episode a couple weeks ago, and I keep feeling that bringing her outside in the frigid, windy air, killed her.

She was my best friend, a gentle soul and a little clown. Earlier that day, I caught her trying to sneak gum out of DH's sweatshirt pocket and she sat on the couch with us munching crackers - she loved her food, lol and she loved to sleep between us with her head on a pillow and the blankets up to her chin. There wasn't a day that went by in the last 14 years that our Brandi didn't make us laugh and feel that we were the most special people in the world.

We're just so very sad and I don't see ever being able to be happy again.

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bryansda

I'm so sorry to hear of your lose. I know exactly how you feel. You are blessed to have had her for so long and for her to go so quickly and without being in pain. The pain will ease in coming days but never truly go away. Try to remember all the good times and joy she brought you. Don't try to second guess yourself on taking her out, it was her time and nothing would have changed that. Prayers being said for your and DH's hearts to heal.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 7:45AM
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pkramer60

Oh, Pauline, I am so very sorry to read this. Brandi sounds like she was a true freind to you and your DH. It sounds like she was your "heart dog".

Please, do not beat yourself up about her passing. You did nothing to cause it. Many animals will not show "weakness" to thier pack leaders as they only want to please you. Going potty in the house would have been a weakness as she knew you would not like that. She had a wonderful life with both of you, full of love and laughs. Your heart is hurting but honor her by bringing forward your memories of her and laugh about them again.

I wish you peace to heal and for joy to return. And keep your ears open, you may just hear a sound that sounds just like her tags, nail on the floor or even her bark in the distance. She is happy, healthy and a pup again with all the others that have passed before. I bet my Ashley is showing her around and giving her what for.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 8:25AM
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mustangs81

Pauline, isn't it just the hardest of things to endure. Volunteering at the shelter and seeing furbabies that have been so terribly mistreated, we have to rejoice that Brandi was treated like a princess her entire life. These furbabies would love to be with Pauline for just a day never mind 14 years. Bravo I say!

(((Cathy)))

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 8:39AM
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ann_t

Pauline, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Ann

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 8:39AM
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spacific

Pauline,
I understand. You didn't kill her. I know she decided it was enough, that she wasn't able to go through yet another winter... that she was done.

The keyboard is getting all soggy as I type this. I put down my 14-yo yellow lab, yesterday at 11:30 in the morning. We rescued her when she was 11. My only regret is we didn't get the whole 14 years together.

Many hugs.
Ann

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 10:49AM
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loagiehoagie

Pauline, please allow yourself to grieve for your buddy, but don't blame yourself. Even the best pet owners always second guess that they did or didn't do something that could have given your pet more time. To our animals we are God-like in that they look to us for all their needs and in return give us unconditional love....it's a real bargain on our end.

Ann, my heart goes out to you too my friend. My yellow lab crossed over in October and although the pain is still there I try to remember that I had give or take 5000 days of happiness and joy with him...and to try to not dwell on the last sad days. It's not easy.

Don't beat yourself up. Just remember that your doxie was so lucky to have you and your family as caregivers for so many years.

Some people say run out and get another dog. Those folks mean well but it is not a good idea IMHO. Too soon and you compare your 'perfect' dog with a new dog not yet honed into you and the family unit. I just got a puppy last week and although he will never take my Duke's place in my heart he has helped...making me laugh with puppy antics...I think that is a very personal decision and different for everyone. I just talked to a lady a couple of weeks ago who lost her dog at 16 years of age...and she still grieved...and it was 13 years ago...and she hasn't been able to get another dog yet....although she loves dogs.

Take some time for yourself and know there are others out here that share your sadness and understand your pain.

Duane

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 11:01AM
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sally2_gw

Pauline, I'm so sorry for your loss. It wasn't your fault. I agree with what everyone else is saying. It hurts so bad to lose the ones we love. My heart is going out to you at this sad time. Remember the good times together as you grieve her loss.

Sally

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 11:08AM
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doucanoe

Pauline, I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Brandi had 14 wonderful years of love. So many dogs would be so lucky.

I am sure she is frolicking on the other side of the rainbow bridge with Elsie and all of the other wonderful pets that have passed.

Linda

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 11:14AM
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dedtired

Oh Ann and Pauline. I'm so sorry. It really is a heartbreak to say goodbye to our furry family. Take comfort in the good time you had together.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 12:39PM
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wizardnm

Pauline, Ann and to everybody else who has lost a beloved pet... I think you are all special for allowing yourself to love a pet. Our lives are greatly enriched by them, so be glad you had the opportunity. We do all that we can for them, so never second guess the what ifs.

Nancy

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 1:52PM
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chase_gw

My heart goes out to both of you Ann and Pauline. It is so hard when we loose our furbabies and best friends.

Paulines I have no doubt that you and your DH cared for her and loved her. Don't beat yourself up.

Ann and Duane, I will never forget the day we had to let our yellow lab go. It was awful, just awful. She had been with us for 15 years, Clive got her the day Meredith was born! Lucky me, new baby and new puppy in the middle of November! It was lucky me, Holly gave us so much and asked for so little. For me, I will never have another dog.

Enjoy the memories but please don't be hard on yourself. When the time comes, we have to let them go. It's the right thing to do.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 1:55PM
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compumom

My heart goes out to you both on losing your little loves. It's something we've endured 4 times, so I've been there too. The pain eases, but like Duke, Holly, Stetson and so many others there will always be one very special animal. Know that you gave as much as you got. The memories will live on and your loved one is no longer in pain. Rest in Peace...

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 2:39PM
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paulines

Thank you everyone. DH and I are touched by your words and we cried for your losses. It's such a deep pain.

I'm not sure why I wrote Sunday night, it was Monday night that this happenned-I'm a little out of it.

Ann, I am so terribly sorry. If you need a shoulder, don't hesitate to pm me.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 3:55PM
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annie1992

Oh dear, Paulines, I'm so sorry. When I lost the WonderWeiner I couldn't even imagine getting another dog and left to my own devices, I wouldn't have. Ashley brought in Cooper and now it appears that he is mine. He'll never take the place of WW, but he has his own place. 14 years is a good long life for Brandi, one full of love and happiness for all of you.

Ann, I'm so sorry, although I knew from other posts that the day was coming too soon. You gave her the final years of her life in peace, comfort and happiness, and that's worth a great deal of time.

Annie

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 6:58PM
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jessyf

(((Paulines)))

May your memories comfort you in your loss.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 9:17PM
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lsr2002

Pauline, I'm so sorry you and your husband have lost your beloved Brandi. I also know the pain. She will always have a special place in your heart.

Many CF doggies will be looking for her, I know our O.D. Hoover and Brockley will be.

Time does ease the pain, but it doesn't ever leave you.

Wishing you peace and comfort and the return of happy memories.

Lee

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 10:15PM
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lindac

I lost my sweet Chabby last summer....and knew immediatly I needed another doggie to love.
Now my silly Latte makes me smile and covers my face with puppy kisses....
She's not Chabby....but neither was Chabby, Char....
Don't say never.....wait a month....and a new sweet puppy in your arms definitly eases the pain.....
I am sorry for your loss....believe me I know the ache.
Linda C

    Bookmark   January 1, 2011 at 11:42PM
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sushipup1

Paulines, may Brandi always be in your heart. She had a wonderful life, and you were her sunshine everyday.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 12:10AM
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mitchdesj

How painful and sad, by sympathies to you in this difficult time; and to you too
spacific.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 5:51AM
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goldgirl

Godspeed Brandi and healing thoughts to you Paulines. Brandi had a wonderful, long life with you. So many here, including me, understand your pain completely.

Sue

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 10:22AM
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booberry85

So sorry about your loss. I's amazing how those little fur babies find a place in your heart. It's ok to be sad and grieve. Remember also you gave her a wonderful life.

Becky

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 11:00AM
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chancesmom

I am so very sorry for your loss. She sounds a bit like a little clown that was very well loved. Please believe you made the best decisions you could have for her and your family. You did what you thought was the best for her. My Otis passed very quickly, and I was always grateful for that. Be gentle with yourselves.

And like Linda says, a new puppy, after a while does indeed help. We have had Fiona for a few weeks now, and she is a joy!

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 12:10PM
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claire_de_luna

Pauline, I'm so sorry. It's a hard thing to have to do, isn't it? Please know she was happy you were with her until the end, and you did the only thing you really could. ((Hugs to You.))

I had a moment two days ago thinking about Luna, and it still hurts that she isn't here. Her memory comes back to us and is so fresh, that I can only imagine she wants us to remember her. We do when we hear a sound or see something she would have loved like lots of feet. :0 (I've never known a dog which such a foot fetish.) I feel for you, and am sending healing thoughts your direction.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 3:33PM
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loagiehoagie

One thing that has comforted me in my extreme sorrow for my loss of my baby Duke is a book I read called 'Forever Ours' ...it is not animal related per se' but one of the stories chronicles a man who died in the hospital and passed through the walls and ceiling and seen the beautiful lights etc. that are so often associated with after death accounts....but the remarkable thing that stuck with me is before he had to turn back because it wasn't his time was that he seen his parents, his dear aunt and his DOG! They were waiting for him and he said it was like a happy reunion. That story has made me hopeful that my Duker...my best friend and dog of my dreams...will be there for me when I pass over. I sure hope that is true......heaven would not be heaven without our furry friends...now would it?

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 8:47PM
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Gina_W

I'm so sorry Pauline and Ann.

Duane that story warms my heart. Heaven for me would be one big doggy park for sure. Please send me pix of your new buddy when you can and I will post them.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2011 at 9:37PM
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paulines

Thank you for the kind words and my heart goes out to you for your losses.

Duane, your last post made me smile, thank you. I'd also love to see pictures of your pup, when you are ready.

We sold our home in July and are renting currently. We close on the new house in a few weeks. DH and I were excited for the new house, as there wouldn't be any stairs for Brandi. She use to lay in our arms belly-up like a latke as we carried her up and down the stairs, lol

    Bookmark   January 3, 2011 at 6:08AM
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susie_que

It just breaks my heart to read posts like this. Our pets are such a wonderful part of our lives and its gut wrenching when they pass away.

My thoughs and prayers are with you Pauline and Ann.

Time does heal and one day you will feel the urge to find another pet. For me it was much like LindaC. Our Gretchen passed away about one month after my Mother left this earth and I also felt like I needed some time but boy it was so hard to come home to an empty home.
As if guided by a higher power I went to a pet shop for just inquire about a breed and I fell head over heals with a pen of puppies.
But I wasn't sure it would fly with the family as they too were greiving.
I went back to that pet store 3 times before I was sure.
Abbee and Apollo bring me joy every day....I know that in time both of you will find a pet that will fill that hole in your heart.

PEACE!
Susie

    Bookmark   January 4, 2011 at 2:32PM
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spacific

Susie,
I too feel that pets come into your life when they need to. I was not even looking for a dog, when I "accidentally" went to the Petfinders site to check out rescue dogs. Elsie's story was so compelling, it was like the choice was made before I knew it. I suspect another dog will come into our lives when the time is right. The joy they bring is so great.

Thank you all who have sent your kind thoughts.

Ann

    Bookmark   January 4, 2011 at 5:45PM
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lakeguy35

Man, it's so hard to deal with Pauline and Ann...sorry to hear about both of your fur babies. (((hugs))) to the both of you.

David

    Bookmark   January 5, 2011 at 9:11PM
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paulines

Thank you Susie and David.

How are you doing Ann?

    Bookmark   January 6, 2011 at 6:29AM
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canarybird01

I'm so sorry for you, Pauline and Ann.

Losing a beloved pet is so painful.

My sympathy goes out to you both.

SharonCb

    Bookmark   January 6, 2011 at 2:46PM
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KatieC

My sympathies too, Pauline and Ann. I know how hard it is.

    Bookmark   January 7, 2011 at 10:48PM
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paulines

Thank you Sharon and Katie, we appreciate your kind words.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2011 at 5:41PM
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