This was supposed to be a rant....

cearbhaillDecember 13, 2007

I had the most terrible day yesterday with my MIL- everything I did was wrong, everything I cooked was bad, every item I touched I put back in the wrong place, the hot water wasn't hot enough, our house is too cold, the rain was too heavy, the whites weren't white enough, there was dust under the bed....

I literally ran around the house all day doing everything wrong.

I intended a thousand times to sit down here and write a rant to deal with it all but I simply never had time to do it. Then she fell asleep and so did I.

Presto change-o magic happened- we woke up this morning and everything is all better.

So far :) :) :)

At any rate my point is that just knowing I have somewhere to spill out all my aggravation makes it easier to deal with everything. I stomp around thinking how I will phrase my rant and I feel better.

She's not a bad person- she is just old and in pain and mad at the world for leaving her sitting here this long. She has little quality of life IMO and is herself just waiting to die, I think. Lord knows everyone else is.


I said it.

Actually my feelings about her are 100% polarized- I vacillate between extreme pity and total aggravation and frustration.

It's an old story everyone here can relate to I guess.

[/non rant]

So- she's had a wash and a lovely breakfast, I'm fixing to go have mine, and today shall be a better day!

Thanks y'all!!

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Connie Kru

Rant away
That is what we are here for
I will listen, cause I remember when I was in your position.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 1:23PM
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AMEN! ... to what Connie said.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 8:17PM
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I know what you mean about thinking about how to phrase your rant. I have rehersed over and over what I plan to say to a SIL if I manage to get a word in edgewise. So, by the time I have to put up with her, I have already gotten it out of my system. LOL. It helps.

Rant away. there will always be those here that know exactly how you feel.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 10:59AM
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It's just a roller coaster ride of emotions- at times I am the most patient and forgiving person in the world. Then it all gets to be too much and I hate having taken this on.

It all started when she complained that I had not washed her bedding on the seventh day. She demands weekly fresh sheets, which makes perfect sense except she does not sleep in the bed. She sleeps on the bed- on top of the sheets, on top of the bedspread, and on top of the comforter that is on top of that.

So silly me for thinking that sheets could go eight days. I'm a filthy slob.

Never a dull moment around here :)

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 11:39AM
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EVERY caregiver needs to rant sometime -- at least I know I do. My problem is there is no one to rant to -- my husband is the oldest of 8 children but he hasn't communicated with any of them in the 30 years we've been married -- they are a VERY disfunctional family. He has been on hemodialysis for kidney failure for almost 9 years and has had to have some of his colon removed and now uses a colostomy bag. He feels fairly well most days but refuses to do anything other than lay on the couch, eat, sleep and watch TV. In the 30 years we've been married he's never once even mentioned our wedding anniversary or my birthday. EVERYTHING has to be done according to his specifications, and if I do it different all hell breaks loose --- it's like he has to control EVERY aspect of our lives, including when I prepare meals, when I do laundry, when and where we shop for groceries, when we go anywhere, etc. Anytime I try talking to him about our situation he gets angry and starts telling me how I wish he was dead so I wouldn't have to care for him, etc.

I am SO tired of hearing about everything that I do wrong and never hearing anything good, joyful or happy. He is just angry at the whole world and refuses to even discuss therapy -- I can't even get him to discuss our problems with our minister. What can one do in a situation like this?

Sorry if I sound angry --- actually I'm just frustrated, tired, lonely and very disappointed with his actions.

Thanks for listening, Jimmie

    Bookmark   May 25, 2008 at 1:54PM
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Your MIL sounds like my mom! I have never, my entire life, been able to do any thing that truely pleases her. She will throw in my face that I am not married, and I throw back, but mother, if I were you may not have anyone to do for you! Even when I go to see her in the nursing home she orders me around to pick up this, move that, and so on. I have decided the next time she starts I am going to say "mom, you have a choice, you have your daughter come visit with you or you can have your daughter be your maid, in which case I will come in, pick up your room, get your laundry and leave!

Dad and I stopped to see her yesterday, beautiful day, wanted to visit and take her outside for a while. I made the comment to another resident that we may not be in today. Well, mom started in on me about how we should stay yesterday and then come back today. I said, mom you don't see these other ladies (she was in the dining room with a bunch of others) having their families here every day, all day! So I gave her a choice, visit with us or we would leave and come back today. She choose today, jokes on her 'cause the weather is not going to be that great, which means she won't get to go outside.

See, you hare not the only one to rant!!!!!!!! I am just glad ya'll are here, otherwise I would have no one to talk with. My friends don't call anymore as they know I can't just jump in the car and go........they don't come here to visit. Guess they are not really my friends.............

Linda J

    Bookmark   May 26, 2008 at 8:20AM
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..." My friends don't call anymore as they know I can't just jump in the car and go........they don't come here to visit. Guess they are not really my friends............."

Nope, they are still your friends, but you have one BIG problem in your life that they can't relate to. So, they feel awkward.

I have sort of the same problem. My husband and I have always gone and done things together. He even goes shopping with me. Great, except now all my friends that I like to be with are widows. I feel very awkward because my life still revolves around him and our marriage. They no longer have that in common. It makes a difference in conversation and planning, etc. However, he's worth it....I think! LOL

    Bookmark   May 26, 2008 at 10:33AM
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Agree with agnespuffin....people's lives change and evolve. There are new balances to be struck every time you turn around. Suggest flexibility in your thinking about it.

Also suggest self-evaluation. I've had a number of friends that got so stuck in their own groove, they couldn't talk about anything else and became self-centered and boring. Not saying that's you. Just suggesting you make sure it's not. I'll bet all the old sparks are still there. No matter what happens one still has to stay sane and keep reaching out. Easier some days than others. And there's never enough time or energy to cover it all, is there?

    Bookmark   May 26, 2008 at 7:58PM
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Guess you are right about being "uncomfortable". When I do talk to my friends I do not talk much about what is going on with me as I don't want to talk about it all the time. Now, if they ask how mom is then certainly I will tell them. However I really would like to just be able to "chat" about every day things, like how the gardens are doing and so on................

I have one friend that I use to drive every where, she does not drive, but I did it all the time and we always had fun. Since all this has happened she just quit calling, never will ask her DH to drive her over. They know I don't have the freedom to just go anymore but it would be nice to still be asked to do things with them. I could get someone to stay with dad once in a while..........I guess I just get tired of always being the one to call....

    Bookmark   May 27, 2008 at 9:36AM
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Connie Kru

Been there done that advice.
Pick up the phone and call your friend that does not drive and say-Hey I miss you and I can't leave the house, but I would love to have lunch with you-when do you think your hubby could drop you over.
Having a friend takes work and often it is more one sided, but you need to keep you friends, because one day and it may be sooner than you know, you will be free again and you will want to have a circle of fiends to hang out with.
(I cared for my mil for 5 yrs and 2 of those I was pretty housebound)

    Bookmark   May 27, 2008 at 2:33PM
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It would be a great idea to arrange someone to watch your dad for a day. Then call up your old friends and tell them that you are going to be free for lunch that day and try to arrange seeing at least one. They know you are busy and are not able to just drop everything and go anytime that you want to. They may even have gotten the idea that you are so busy that you just can't let go and visit with them.

That would be the time to tell them that you have missed chatting with them and wanted to catch up on all of their news and happenings. They probably don't really realise just how you are cut off from others. Time passes so quickly that sometimes that we tend to forget.

    Bookmark   May 27, 2008 at 9:01PM
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