Caring for mentally retarded brother

pattateeNovember 9, 2010

I just found this forum and am hoping there may be someone out there with a similar experience. My parents died in 2008 within 5 months of each other. They had been caring for my mentally retarded brother all his life (he is 54 now) and he has now come to live with me. It has been a real eye-opening experience!

Unfortunately they had never gotten him signed up for any services that he would be eligible for. It took me a year and a half to finally get him declared eligible for sevices but now he is on a waiting list (which may take years to get any services. I have been pulling my hair out in frustration!!

I have another brother but he lives in another state and has 3 children and says he cannot help out more than a couple of times a year for 2 week visits.

I feel like I am being punished for doing the right thing by providing a home for my brother. He can take care of the basic activities of daily living but needs someone to prepare meals, clean, manage medications, and basically provide a safe environment. He has problems with repetitive actions (like turning the lights on and off 20 times), being possesive towards me, and other frustrating activities.

Anyone out there with a similar situation?

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You need to look into a group home for him. It will be better for him and for you. There are some wonderful ones out there, but choose with care. Good luck to you. I've had friends in the same position you are in now. Placing their sibling in a group home has worked out wonderfully for all.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2010 at 4:25PM
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Must agree with dedtired. You can't handle this indefinitely. Unreasonable for anyone -- including yourself -- to expect it of you. Your life is important, too.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2010 at 5:10PM
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I agree but in Florida there is a waiting list which can take as long as 2 years to get him into a group home. It is difficult to manage in that interim.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2010 at 10:32AM
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He may not be elegible for a group home, but may need a different type of care home. Contact the social services of your hospital, his doctor, your mental health association etc. Just call/talk to everyone, but document your enquries. If he has no funds, contact your state health care or help. You cannot continue as he could turn dangerous.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2010 at 6:19PM
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I am in a situation close to this- my brother is Mr & mi. My father has Alzheimer's. Dad is on hospice.. My brother is 57 & has never stayed by himself. He is 6 $ 250 lbs. He has a terrible temper.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2013 at 7:19PM
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