I finally figured out my brother (long)
I have three brother: good to Mother, distant to Mother and nasty. The last two live 2000 miles away, and the distant brother made the effort to come visit Mother when she was in the nursing home last summer. The good brother lives 530 miles away and aside from coming with the distant brother for one day last summer (distant brother flew to Nice brother's hometown and did the driving up here), hasn't come to visit for almost a year and a half.
He is 53, and an old 53. He had some sort of accident a year ago and hurt his feet; aside from getting xrays to determine that nothing was broken, it was 9 months before he wnt to a podiatrist, who has had some success in treating him.
At that point he finally did go to to the doctor, and blood work came back with some liver numbers bad. Far as I know he's refused to return for any follow-up.
So Nice brother calls last night and says that he had just talked to Mother, and the question came up, when can you visit?
OK, it finally sunk in. He's got enough excuses for EVERYTHING, and it finally all makes sense. He really has a serious drinking problem. He says he won't change jobs because another (larger) company will make him wear a tie to work (not true, but they probably won't overlook his drinking like the current employer does). He can't drive because his feet hurt. He can't fly because airports are so big and he can't walk that far. He can't stay with me because my house has stairs (I suggested that he stay with Mother in her nice apartment with a spare bed, but that didn't get far.)
Since i haven't seen a lot of him, now I think about it, he's a wreck.
So this AM when I talked to Mother, I told her why he can't come visit. (Poor Dear, she was thinking that he has a girl friend.... NOT!) I explained simply that Bobby can't visit because he has a serious drinking problem.
OK, thanks for letting me rant and vent. I honestly need to forget about this brother as I have already given up on the other two disfunctional ones, as well. He's never coming to visit (I suggested to him that Mother is 95 and won't be here much longer, and he said that gee, maybe he wouldn't be around much longer either, maybe none of us would be around...)
For a while, I was better about just not talking to him, because he would call me instead of calling Mother. From now on, he can call Mother. He'll get nothing from me. I don't have time for chit chat and excuses.