shoe is now on the other foot

heydeborahNovember 16, 2005

well the sil called last night to talk to Al, and gets mad at hime because our phone is always busy, sorry we have dial-up internet and don't really care because i'm not a phone chatter, also she has our cell phone number. anyways, she's mad because she didn't know how to call for an ambulance for my mil! this is coming from the snob who knows everything. to make a longstory short, the mil is in icu seems she according to my sil has a bleeding ulcer from the pills she's been on for 5 weeks and has been given 5 units of blood. sil also flips out on Al that he should be at the hospital for her and apparently so should i if he cannot be there! think about dear lady, your brother has insulin 4 times a day, also 12 meds and cannot sit up for a long time, and i have to care for him 24/7. i told dd last night about gramma andall she said we too bad, no remorse or anything,i felt sorry for this woman allof a sudden, no one cares about her she's basically all alone, her daughter is the only one there for her. i feel bad for her, BUT i think of the way she has been to us, especially her son, and her grandchildren. i am however going to take all of your advice and keep my distance and if Al wants meto take him tothe hospital iwill, but things will end there, i guess it's true what goes around comes around. Think ofus in the freezing cold 19 degrees and 3 inches of snow!!!! some highways are closed today, so there is no chance i'll have to take Al out today, maybe it will stay like this! debbie

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Logfrog

Just ask her how often she and mom came to see about Al when he was in the hospital. She'll say, "But this is different." And then you tell her that a life is a life. And pain is pain. It doesn't matter who it is. Al and his well being is more important to you than Al's mom. As I see it, unless Al really wants to go, there are too many problems with taking him out. But I don't need to tell you that. You already know it.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2005 at 2:09PM
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scotland

Your duty is to Al, which is a good thing seeing as it doesn't appear that Al's sister and mom don't feel a sense of duty towards him. What mother would want her son to endanger his health to visit her? Send a card and be done with it. If your dear SIL wants support, give her the names of some support groups. Your MIL may be in the ICU with only her daughter there, but that's the path they've both chosen.

Couldn't call an ambulance? You've got to be kidding! That's just mind-boggling, even if she lives in one of the few areas with no 911 service.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2005 at 5:26PM
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heydeborah

Well I want to thank you all for listening to me! today was just a weird day, i think it was the snow and the wind! i asked Al if he wanted to call the hospital and he said no, if anything changed let Carrie (sil) call me, i'm not doing the calling (this is coming from Mr.Nice Guy) also he said he has no intention of visiting her in the hospital at all, if he didn't go the last time she was there what would make you(that's me) think i'd go now. i couldn't believe him saying this! it was a very big surprise to me!!! i think he's come to realize what they are like, he did say that he's glad he's got us to look after him!(Ahhhh!) yes scotland, my sil, who has this great job and power doesn't know how to call 911, we live in a large city, seems this gal, just learnt how to pump her own gas last month! i also can't figure out why she didn't knock on someone else door at the condo building she lives at. well i'm glad i have friends like all of you! does anyone want to adopt me? i'm a good person, don't party or drink, i drive and i can do things all by my self and as you can tell, i take advice and do it! keep warm and if you have snow like us, drive carefully! debbie ps thanks again!

    Bookmark   November 17, 2005 at 1:02AM
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mimi427

Hi Debbie,
Oh yes, I will adopt you and Al and the kids and the furrie babies too!!! You can be the daughter I never had, although my DIL is like a daughter to me, but now, I can have two!!
I can certainly understand Al feeling the way he does, after all this time and the way his family has behaved, he realizes who truly loves and cares for him. Not to say his sister or mom don't love him, they just may be too self absorbed. Hard for people like us to understand people like them. You know, Deb, I live by the rule "what goes around, comes around". I don't wish anything bad on them, but it certainly seems as if it's "coming around"... Debbie, you're a wonderful soul, so giving of yourself and so full of love, kindness and caring for your family, as well as others. Be gentle with yourself, you've done and continue to do wonderful work...you are truly a wonderful soul; Al and your kids are very very lucky to have you...blessings, Mimi

    Bookmark   November 17, 2005 at 8:00AM
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heydeborah

update on the mil, we got a call at 250 yesterday afternoon, for Al to come to the hospital, mommy (they call her that) doesn't have long, she is having emerg. surgery because of all the blood she has lost, Al and i and the sil are in icu, sil starts yelling, yes yelling at the staff -- can't exactly rememberthe stupid reason for this but she does and also at the nurse manager, i sit there just watching these 2 -- seems like for once it's a good thing i'm a knitter, but they think i'm concentrating on the mitts i'm making, but i'm watching, how different these 2 are--one so into themself and one who is happy to be alive, sil is calling other sister who apparently flew in last night and other sister (she's 63 and is not coming up), the sil is going on and one about her having to come to the hospital and calling my mil every day and how she is a hero, here i just sit and listen. mil comes out of surgery and is back in her room at 5pm, and the doctor comes and talks only he is talking to me and Al and basicalaly ignoring the sil, which makes her so mad, she is supported to be sadated until today but sil e-mails Al last nite (can't call or drop by, gee we live 3 minutes from the hospital) and says she'll be out for 48 hours. Doctor made it sound like routine operation but the sil made it sound like the chances are not very good. But, i will say that the nurses we saw remembered Al and i and stopped to say hi when we we coming in and going, so i know that this is a good sign. anyways i took him out in 10 degree weather with are you ready for this blowing snow!! so time will tell how she is, but it's sad to say that i never had any feelings about what went on even when we were sitting there. well i'm off to pick up dd from the theatre, harry potter is playing and is sold out all 5 theatres and 5 shows per day, what a money maker!! enjoy your evening and drive carefully!!! debbie

    Bookmark   November 18, 2005 at 8:34PM
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mimi427

Hey Deb,
I can certainly understand why you would sit there with no emotion, no involvement. They've had absolutely no involvement in Al and your lives, why would you get into it with them? I believe I would have behaved the same as you, just taken a back seat.
I hope Al is okay and your weather doesn't get to him. Worse yet, being in a hospital...it seems any time I walk into a hospital, I walk out with a cold. I'll say a little prayer for Al tonite and hope he stays warm and healthy -- and you too, you sweet angel...be well, Mimi

    Bookmark   November 18, 2005 at 11:02PM
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heydeborah

sorry forbeing a pest here, it's 130 am and we are dressed waiting for the sil to call after she gets a call back from the hospital. seems Als mother is on a ventalor and her kidneys have shut down, so we are waiting for the call to go to the hospital. my only concern right now is for Al, he has sprayed his spray (nitro) twice already. he told me he thought hed be sadder, i told him people react differently, he probably is a little shocked right now and just say some prayers for her and remember all the good stuff -- what does one say? i still dont feel anything, so im not a good one to ask. what a night, its snowing, this happens, i pick up dd from the theatre, we run out of gas. ds calls me when this happens out of the blue and tells me he loves me, and can he come back home, he is crying, i tellhim sure whenever he wants, boy i love these 3 people more than anything, plus my little fur baby, even though they drive me up a wall at times! well ill say a little prayer for my mil tonight just so that she isnt in any pain and so that she doesnt suffer for very long. thanks again for listening to me, it means alot! sorry keyboard probs. again. debbie

    Bookmark   November 19, 2005 at 1:51AM
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DianePA

prayers being said for your MIL ,and Al and you and your family!! DianePA

    Bookmark   November 19, 2005 at 10:04PM
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mimi427

Dear Debbie,
Just thinking of you, Al and your family...you're all in my thoughts and prayers,
Mimi

    Bookmark   November 19, 2005 at 10:46PM
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derryw

Oh Deb...thinkling about you all, and wondering how it is all going. Know this is a lot on you and worrying about your Al. Glad the kids are there. It is always harder to work thru a loss when you are ambivalent aboout the person...the good and the not-so-good get all mixed together. I am sending you a cyber hug (((Deb and FMs)))!
Derry

    Bookmark   November 20, 2005 at 5:54PM
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PeaBee4

Deb, how are things going? Are you taking care of yourself? I sure am glad that the DS decided that living at home with mom wasn't so bad. He'll change his mind at least a dozen times before he gets settled. Mine are all middle aged now, but every now and then, I get the feeling that they would like to move back home and let mom and dad do the worrying. LOL
PB

    Bookmark   November 21, 2005 at 7:34PM
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