What to do about my parents?

SarahElisabethNovember 4, 2012

After a minor accident this week it has come to my attention that they need to stop driving. They have very little money and can't afford the handivan or taxi in their area and they don't want to impose on others so will not ask for rides. I live 3 hours away and have considered moving back there but I am sure any job I get will not be as lenient as my current one where I can take time off whenever I need to drive them to appointments etc. Dad is talking about having to buy a new car since the accident and I don't think he even realizes that he shouldn't be driving anymore. Mom told me there have been several other incidents and near misses. I feel absolutely sick - first knowing my parents need help and I'm not there, second to have to tell them to stop driving, third to not have any solution to this. I am looking for places where I live but they are all too expensive. I am at a complete loss. Can anyone give me some direction?

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What area are you in? Do they rent/own their home? Do they have assisted living places: many of them have buses/vans that serve the clients. Here there are busses sponsered by the Council on Aging that the people pay according to their income. How old are they and what medical conditions do they have. Do you have siblings to help out? Have you and your parents talked to the medical staff to see what they will help you with. Are their senior centers you can go to for additonal help. Hope this all help a bit. You can email me direct for additional ideas.

    Bookmark   November 4, 2012 at 4:48PM
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I'm in Alberta Canada. They own their own house which is another thing as it has stairs and they have a yard so have to mow the lawn and shovel snow. There are seniors homes here that offer bus service so they can get out for groceries and errands but they cost $3000 a month. I don't have siblings. The other seniors homes here are either small apartments or even smaller bachelor style lodge rooms. Either of those choices would kill my parents as they are coming from a home. My husband and I went and looked at condos in our area today and I'm going to see which ones would be affordable for my parents. They are both around 80. The only problem with them moving to where I am is I am the only person they would know. They would be leaving everything that is familiar to them and all their friends. I talked to them tonight and they are both talking about when they replace the car that was in the accident. They have no idea that I'm thinking they shouldn't be driving any longer. They are going to be so hurt when I finally get brave enough to bring it up. I need to choose my words very carefully and have a complete plan in place before I do, but the longer I wait, then I know every day dad is out driving. If they make him take a drivers test and he fails, he will be devastated, and then mom will start driving again!! I just feel sick about this whole thing.

    Bookmark   November 4, 2012 at 10:07PM
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Here in the states most places have government run "adult protective services" which would send out a social worker and see what if any public, free, services would be available. Where I live, I use a federally funded shuttle bus service for the disabled to go to my doctors, bank, shopping, etc. You might contact someone in your local government to see what services are available check senior centers, etc for ideas. good luck. :-)

    Bookmark   March 26, 2013 at 12:24AM
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Don't forget to factor in the money saved on gas etc would help pay for the occasional taxi or van.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2013 at 6:56PM
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I'm looking for some form of alarm that my mom can hang around her neck so that when she falls she can alert the care-giver on duty. She lives in her apartment in a retirement village which has no frail care but - at 90 years - she refuses to leave! On Saturday she fell and couldn't get to her telephone.

Any suggestions or recommendations. She lives in Cape town, South Africa and I'm in Johannesburg

    Bookmark   April 1, 2013 at 4:38PM
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Spotthatzebra, talk to your local hospital and to the manager of your mother's apartment complex and to neighbors, too. You'll probably find that there's a preferred brand that most folks have.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2013 at 6:31PM
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