Should I be looking at Assisted Living?

cindyg1October 25, 2005

Hello..I have posted here before, but let me give you our history. I'm 46 years old and happily married to a wonderful man for almost 25 years. We have 2 great children, our 21 year old daughter is a college senior, attends a local college and lives at home. Our 18 year old son is away at college and is a freshman.

My Mother has lived with us for the past 12 years and having her with us has been a win win situation for us all. However, she is now early Alzheimers....:-( She is able to care for herself physically and I have her in an adult daycare three days a week and a caregiver who comes in two days a week.

The caregiver has been wonderful..she cleans house, cooks, does grocery shopping etc. A wonderful relief for me (I work) because...believe it or not, I have young onset Parkinson's Disease.

As she continues to progress in her disease, I also continue to progress as well. The overall situation is getting pretty stressful. And I think Mother is not happy. I think she no longer feels needed (she used to cook, etc but I can't let her do that kind of stuff any more).

I'm wondering if she would be happier in an assisted living facility rather than here. What has everyone's experience been with assisted living facilities?

Thanks, Cindy

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It would probably be wise to start looking around to see what's available. It might take a while to find the exactly right place. Then, if there is a waiting list, you could get her on it. I am sure that she IS unhappy with not being able to help. And she probably sees that your condition is getting worse. Moving to AL may not make her any happier, but it might make circumstances less stressful. Have you mentioned this to her? Does she know of any old friends that might be living in an AL home?

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 9:35AM
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Thanks for responding Logfrog. I haven't mentioned it to her, didn't want to upset her if it turns out that I'm not going to make this move. Unfortunately, she only has one close friend who still lives on her own. No friends currently in AL.

What kind of things should one look for in AL facilities?

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 9:54AM
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I made a list of criteria that was important to me when I started looking for assisted living. Everything from staff quality and ratios to the little details, like does the apartment have it's own controls for heat/AC (Mom likes her living space at 85 degrees + all year round!) I visited six places, by appointment, was able to cross 3 off the list on the first visit. It is so important to get the preliminary groundwork done when you are NOT in crisis mode. For us, a smaller community works well (42units)where she is well know by all staff. No where is perfect,but I am still happy with the choice I made, since I could no longer offer her the kind of care she required 24/7.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 10:46AM
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There are also Mixed Housing that will take people that just need a little help, and then as things worsen, move them to units where there is more supervision. This is usually a larger facility, but if it is well staffed, it can be a means of not having to make another move later on.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 12:28PM
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