Dad hasn't called all week

mikeandbarbOctober 25, 2008

I hope this means he's settling down into the AL home. In the back of my mind I'm thinking oh boy he must be mad at me for not calling or going over. I'm little scared to go see him by myself and was thinking of asking DH to go with me tomorrow to see dad.

Have you felt this way before?

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shambo

I know exactly how you feel. When my mom moved into the memory care wing two weeks ago, I couldn't decide whether to visit her right away or wait a while. When I finally went, I was scared to death about seeing her for the first time since the move. I worried the entire day & night before actually going.

When I got to the facility, I was overjoyed to discover that she was in the beauty parlor getting a manicure. I just joined her and chatted with her and the beautician. Having the beautician there took a lot of the stress off my shoulders. We had a three-way conversation about all kinds of things, so I never had to deal with any direct comments or questions about the move. It made it so much easier for me, and I came home so relieved.

Maybe taking your husband with you would be a good idea. He could always steer the conversations in another direction if your dad started talking about going home. And having your husband there would probably make leaving easier.

Could be that your dad really is finally settling in. If he is, I suggest you buy some champagne & celebrate! If not champagne, then at least get a fancy dessert for you & your hubby to share.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 2:17AM
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mikeandbarb

Thank you Shambo, I needed to hear I was normal :)

Your right having DH there will make it easier to leave hopefully. Some times DH is not very good he does not know how to go on cue LOL and he does not watch what he says but he's all I've got and a very good man with just a few quirks, like myself.

Good to hear your mom is doing good. At least she's going about normal up keep. It is nice when you have a good visit with them instead of them fighting with you.

That's why I'm so nervous about seeing dad. I don't even know if he will even remember the last time he seen me. If I'm lucky he won't. Plus I don't know what condition his mind will be in, he may have gone down even more. I heard it's fast in a case like his but it's all new to me so I don't know how fast, fast is and everyone is not the same.

One thing good about the AL home he's in is that the workers there take notice when you come in and how long you've been in the residents room, so they come by checking up on you to see if all is ok and there has been a time or two that I was thankful for it allowed me to excuse myself and leave. Dad always wanted to go to his room to tell me how bad the place is and how I just had to get him out of there.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 4:39AM
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agnespuffin

Barb, this really is good news. It's probably a sign that he is getting used to the daily routine and not wrapped up in the thought of going home. Don't fret about what he is thinking. I really doubt that he will remember exactly when you came last.

Taking your husband with you is a good idea. When you first get there, say something like, "We were on our way to get groceries/gas/something, and we thought we would stop in to say hello. Can't stay but for a minute or two." Then when a few minutes pass or if he begins to get upset, you will have already set up a reason for leaving.

The best news of all would be that he has found a buddy that he can talk to. Getting his medication regularly and at the proper time is probably causing him to settle down better. When the body is messed up, the mind is usually worse too.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 12:20PM
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ogoopogo

We always used to stop in just before lunch.. Had a quick 10 min visit & then whoops.. we have to leave now your lunch is ready.

That might work for you.

Lots of luck!!

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 8:31PM
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