Moving MIL

regine_Z 10 Fl gwOctober 23, 2012

My MIL is 92 and lives 1300 miles away from us. Last year she fell at home,broke some ribs and ended up in rehab for a month.When she got home,we got caretakers to look after her for 5 days a week for 6 hours a day. The other days, friends would come by and look in on her. She did fine without 24hr care. Last month she fell several times and now needs someone to stay with her 24hrs a day. Her dementia is getting worse and at times she is paranoid. It is very expensive to have 24hr care at home and she can't afford that for very long. We found a place near us that will take her and it is affordable but how do we move her?

She used to get picked up and driven to church but can no longer do that. The caretaker said that she was getting very anxious just riding in the car so how are we going to get her on a plane? She doesn't want to go because she is afraid we will put her someplace and all she wants to do is to stay in her house.We know we have to move her but are looking for an easy way. Any advice?

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Can you get her Dr to write a prescription for some Ativan?

I call them the happy flying pills. My husband is terrified to fly and has used them. My mother in law was on them shortly before she passed away ( 93 ). Definitely made her a much more mellow happier person.

Here is a link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   October 24, 2012 at 7:55PM
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ogoopogo, that is exactly what happened to my husband. He was always moody and cold towards me, but the AZ changed him. It was the best 4 years of our marriage. I met a woman who said her husband had AZ for 9 years and it was the best years of her marriage also. Very sad.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2012 at 10:19PM
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regine_Z 10 Fl gw

Thanks for the suggestion. I was thinking of Ativan but don't know if her doctor will prescribe it because he has not been very helpful. He doesn't even believe that Aricept or Nemenda do any good!
We will try to change his mind when we go to pick her up.

    Bookmark   October 27, 2012 at 1:14PM
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It doesn't have to be a full blown prescription.. Just a couple of tablets to tide her over until you get home. Lots of luck & keep us posted..

    Bookmark   October 27, 2012 at 3:53PM
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I wouldn't bring up the subject of "moving" with her at this time. Work on a short-term idea, like coming to visit for the holidays or a special occasion. If she gets into a negative defensive stance, it'll be that much harder. Sad to say, but lies help a lot.

Good luck, I hope it all goes smoothly. Consult with a good travel agent instead of making arrangements yourself. Find an agent who can expedite wheel chair assistance, etc. Also it might be best to have two people traveling with her, not just one.

    Bookmark   October 27, 2012 at 6:35PM
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regine_Z 10 Fl gw

That's what we are doing right now. We have suggested that she visit us for the holidays to see the grandkids and great-grandkids and she seemed receptive to the idea. But the caretaker said that MIL told her that "they will probably put me someplace when I get there", so she still has her wits about her.There will be two of us traveling with her and we will be doing a lot of "therapeutic lying".
I may just get some Ativan for myself!

    Bookmark   October 27, 2012 at 9:09PM
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LOL.. They can be a hand full. Try suggesting to her when she arrives home with you that perhaps just for the winter months she can move to the home you have found. You know how treacherous your home can be etc etc.

That way it won't sound like forever.. You can explain that she'll have people her own age around her 24/7. You'll visit lots yada yada yada.

Lots of luck!

    Bookmark   October 28, 2012 at 7:58PM
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regine_Z 10 Fl gw

Thanks to all of you for your support and advice.
We'll see what happens.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2012 at 5:24PM
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Did Grandma get moved out OK ?

    Bookmark   December 1, 2012 at 6:50PM
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regine_Z 10 Fl gw

We just moved her in today. She was very anxious the day before, so her doctor gave us a prescription for ONE Xanax! We gave her 1/2 a pill by telling her it was a vitamin so she wouldn't sick on the trip.By the time we got to the airport, she did pretty well and even enjoyed the flight. We stopped for lunch before taking her to assisted living and you could tell the Xanax was wearing off. She started getting a little feisty and grouchy. When we arrived at the "rehab facility", she was angry, shocked that we would do something like this to her, "what did I do to you that I would deserve this" and refused to go inside. We finally got her inside to her room but she kept up her tirade.She walked outside again and we had to just be firm and told her she was spending the night there. We were there for almost three hours trying to calm her down! She really laid the guilt trip on us!

I've heard people say to stay away for awhile and let her adjust, but the staff here says that we can come tomorrow so she doesn't feel abandoned. I can't deal with another episode like today. How soon should we go back?

    Bookmark   December 5, 2012 at 7:40PM
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You know her the best.. We moved our MIL & went back a couple of days later and she was fine with that. Your mileage may vary.. LOL

I would suggest that she just has to stay there for a couple/few of months to see if "she" really likes it. Explaining that she needs more care than you can give her at home. She'll be with people her own age.. etc etc

Talk to the staff they will help you with the ease in period.

Perhaps suggest to the nurses/staff that some ativan might be in order to keep her mellow..

Quick short visits I found worked the best.. Remember she's like a rebellious teen right now. You have to take the parent role and be loving but firm..

Also if you have traveled from 1 time zone to another you might be a bit out of whack too.

I used to show up about 20 - 30 mins BEFORE a mealtime. You can have a visit then it's OH Mom it's your lunch time now I'll walk you to the dining room & then I have to run..

Love ya hug hug.. kiss kiss..

    Bookmark   December 5, 2012 at 9:38PM
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Grandma a bit more settled now ?

    Bookmark   December 13, 2012 at 12:16PM
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