I know that everyone here hopes that the move went OK, and you are feeling better about it.
The move did go okay. I spent some time at my sister's helping her put away mom's things and arranging them as I think mom would like them. Mom's first nite was actually pretty good. When she got there, she was very confused, saying that she's never been there before, everything looked so strange, but by the time bedtime came around, she went to bed and slept the nite, getting up at 10:30 this morning, so you know she was comfortable. The lady that helped out in my home has gone to my sister's so she was there to greet mom and help her. I called mom tonite and she was happy to hear from me and sounded really good. All in all, it was a very good move. Me, on the other hand, completely fell apart last night, and it came as quite a surprise to me. I thought I would have this feeling of relief, time to myself to start to heal and take care of myself, but all I did was sit in mom's bedroom and sob and sob and sob. I'm better today, but during the day I'm extremely busy with my job...I'm hoping tonite will be a better nite.
Thank you for asking and it's such a good, warm feeling to know you all are "out there" thinking of me. It truly warms my heart,
Dear Mimi: i hope you don't mind me jumping in too, i'm so glad that things went well for your mom. i too know what it's like with Matthew "running away from home" today is Canadian Thanksgiving and he just wasn't there, so sad, i too kept busy the past few days but i do know what you mean when night comes around, i was puttering around in his room, packing up more of his stuff for him to come and get, and though i like to think of myself as a tuff old doll, i too spent time crying! this evening i did find out that Matthew is living with his girlfriend family, and i think what do they think of me and Al, i know that we are good honest people, but still. anyways he did come by this evening -- i think to see if i made his fav. cabbage rolls, but my heart wasn't in it, so Carley and i made lasagna for supper today (pretty good for a girl who doesn't eat red meat, but we had fun making it). i do think that what we are feeling is natural, and if we didn't cry, we wouldn't be "normal", I do think we do it because we love that person alot! I do hope you have a restful evening and a good sleep, with "happy dreams" tonite! debbie
Mimi, take it one day at a time. Last night, you were overcome with not just mental stress but probably exhausted physically as well. Take it a step at a time, and you'll be fine.
But here are my virtual hugs
Mimi...remember me telling you I cried whenever I went into her room? Or just did something that reminded me of the things I used to do for her?
It took a good couple of weeks to get over those sudden weepy times, but time does heal all things. Honest. Don't rush yourself....
Debs, yes...I thought of you on Thanksgiving (and wrote you about your feeling without Matthew, remember?)...because I, too feel like that with our Matthew away for the past 15 years, having left at age 15. So hard.....
But thank heavens he's in a good place with good people; he has much to learn, and don't worry...I'm sure they have RULES, too! LOL! He's not sacking out for free there, either! I know it's hard......
It's been a rough week.I worked very long hours and on top of that, mucho stress, deadlines, lack of sleep and continued sadness thinking about mom.
I picked mom up today and brought her back to my home for the day and then we went out to dinner, which she loves to do. She's just not the same. She's VERY confused. Asked me repeatedly where she lives now, and then "am I going home now?" "where is my home?" At first, I thought she may be playing with me, but she was dead serious..she kept talking about how confused her head feels. I am sure it's because of the move and the trauma of having to get accustomed to another home, but she's also reverted back to the first month she was with me and how she treated she aide...she hated her and wanted nothong to do with her and she's back there again telling me I can't stand that woman, there's something about her I just can't stand, and then going onto say how she doesn't need her to dress her, yet when they were with me, every morning, the aide would go into the bathroom and help mom get dressed, wash up, shower, whatever, and all was fine. It just makes me sad to think the she's reverted back to a year ago.
Mimi, please keep in mind that things change from day to day. Tomorrow, she may be settled in, or she may be worse. Next week, there will probably be an entirely different problem. Just ride with it and try not to worry or fret. Just tell yourself that it's going to be different. Nothing is going to go well at this point. Sadly, with this disease, the only thing sure is that it may get worse before enough mental ability is lost that things don't worry her.
Leapfrog, truer words were never spoken: "Sadly, with this disease, the only thing sure is that it may get worse before enough mental ability is lost that things don't worry her." It really are the changes from day to day that makes us so confused and concerned....one day my Mom knows me, our grown kids, and another day tells me to go home because they'll be 'home from school' soon. No telling which years she's living in.
Now, it's getting to the stage where many of her worries are over. She doesn't ask to 'go home', because that is her home. She's a people-watcher, and tells me stories she's made up about them, but in her own mind, they're true. She smiles a lot, and has a great time with her care-givers and is genuinely affectionate with them...you can tell she's well cared-for. She's in a happier place now, thank God...and Mimi...your Mother will arrive there one day, also.
For now, don't worry about subltle changes, what she believes from day to day, her confusion (it's normal now)...just smile and give hugs of reassurance. It's not so much WHAT you say to her now, as the way in which you say it to her; she won't understand your words, but she'll understand the tone in your voice. Remain optimistic in her company...they really seem to pick up our moods....
Relax. You're a grand daughter....be proud of what you've done and are doing and worry less. Time will heal all things.
Mimi! How are things going for you? And as you gave me some wonderful advice, which i DID take, are you having time to yourself, to do something that you've always wanted to do or finish? I think of you often! debbie
I'm doing better...as many of you said, time does heal...I feel a little better every day. This is a very busy time of year for me with work, but I'm still trying to take care of me...took a bubble bath the other nite, something I haven't done in a year, and just LOVED it...stayed in there until my fingers looked like prunes!!! I call mom every night, and I do it for me, because she certainly doesn't remember, but I like to hear the sound of her voice and I tell her that I love her. She says things like "it was a very long day", but I'm getting better at not listening to what she says. When she was living on her own, in assisted living, she would say that all the time, how bored she was, which really ticked me off because they had wonderful social activities running all day long and she refused to participate. In any case, I think now she says it because it's something that's "stuck in her head", something she used to say. This disease is just so hard to really understand, isn't it?
Linda, I'm so glad your mom is happy. I know you went through a very tough time too...I remember how sad you were; I'm glad now that things are so much better.
Deb, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself...BUT...you can't do it for just a little bit, and then go back to putting everyone ahead of you...you need to allow time for you all the time, schedule it into your daily schedule -- you deserve it. How is your son doing?
Thanks for thinking of me...Mimi
Oh Mimi, i hope you're not trying to be the Bubble Bath Queen, ok you can be the US one and I the Canadian one! i am spending alot of time too, trying to really take it easy, it sure is not driving ds to and from work! like you i miss his voice, according to him i am still the bad one, perhaps i am in his eyes, but everything is done with love and i hope he realizes that. i've posting our doings and goings on the old post of "HeyDeborah". It's sonice to hear from you too (ps PB - reading Monica Ferris's mysteries now, pretty good). I"ve also starting knitting mitts for the poor poor people who will need them more sooner than later!