Just My Thoughts
I spent yesterday with mom. It had been two weeks since I last saw her, although I do call her almost every day. When I call, I ask her how she is and it's always the same "oh, I don't know" and I ask what's wrong and she says "it's my head, I'm just so confused". I realize that this move from my home to my sister's was very traumatic, I had hoped that by now, three weeks, she would have been able to settle in.
We took a beautiful drive; I wanted her to see the awesome Fall colors we are having this year - it is still in the 60's here in Chicago and almost November...so hard to believe. She seemed to enjoy the ride. We then went to get a manicure and I was able to sit right next to her while we both had our nails done and she seemed content. We went back to my house to spend the rest of the day together and then have dinner with me and my husband. The entire time she was with us, all she talked about was how confused she is, and that there is nothing in her head. She didn't recognize my husband (she lived with us 11 months) and did not remember living at my house. From about 4p on, she kept repeating "I want to go home, I feel as if I need to go home now, but I don't know where home is".
I can't tell you how heartbreaking it was. I realize that the move was traumatic and that it caused another decline, but realizing it and seeing it is just not the same. I tried to be sweet, and calm and gentle with her. She was not agitated nor combative, just matter of fact when she talked of her confusion and memory loss.
I'm writing for two reasons. One is to just vent, the second reason is looking for guidance...how do you handle these visits and phone calls? Even though my days are filled with work from my job, when I call her, I don't know what to talk about. I can't ask her questions because she just doesn't remember a thing. Besides my work, I talk to no one. During our visits, I wish I could think of something to talk to her about; I am at a complete loss...and very very sad,