Help needed asap

atmywittsOctober 15, 2006

My mom and step dad have been fighting for over a year. They live in another state. Mom accues him of stealing her things, granted they are dissapearing and she accuses him of cheating on her. He on the other hand is at his witts end says hes done nothing wrong, is very upset and she has just kicked him out of the house. I dont know who to believe or what to do they are both 72, both not in good health, mom is down to 98lbs he is not much better, neither will go see anyone, he says I need to do something. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. He drinks all the time and is heavily medicated, she is miserable. The reality is her things are gone but what did he do with ALL of her things and he is not in any condition to fool around with anyone hes sickly. Someone anyone have you ever had anything like this happen?

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Can you afford a trip to go and get a first hand look?
I know it is very difficult when you are in another state.
This is always the most difficult step in caring for parents--WHEN do you step in and take control and that is what you will have to do--but WHEN--I remember it was so hard to say--ok it's time. Take note, pay close attention to what is really going on, get both of them in for a physical--Dr's can often be of help in telling you where they are mentally as well as physically.
You need to decide if you are moving them or even one of them closer to you. Do they have any money to help you decide or is it all on you. Are there brother's and sisters to help you? (This is a step dad-How long have they been married-does he have kids)
Good Luck
and come back and vent, there are lots of us here to listen and suggest, but in the end it is you who has to decide to move on this problem.
Connie (been there)

    Bookmark   October 15, 2006 at 10:14AM
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It does sound as if it's time for some intervention of some sort. I'm with Connie. How long have they been married and does he have children? If so, they are the ones that should make the decisions for him if they will. If not, then I think you will have to put your mother's well being first no matter how hard that may be. She sounds as if there is more than just physical problems with her. Some sort of assisted or custodial living might be in order for at least one of them if there are finances available. If not, the perhaps State aid would be available.

    Bookmark   October 15, 2006 at 10:35AM
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To have things missing can be a part of a larger neurological syndrome, some form of dementia. A friend just recently found where his mother has been hiding valuables, and he found $385 in cash. She always complained that someone "took" her money (and she never had more than $30 or so at a time, doesn't drive, and her son buys everything for her) and Vern found where she had hidden her purse, a different place for the coin purse, and the money in another place. He's still looking for her wallet.

Yes, things might be gone, but it's highly likely that she has hidden them, even from herslef. That's common.

And if she's been losing weight, that's a sign that somehting is going on. Yes, I agree that you need to see them both in person.

Good luck, and let us know how things are going.

    Bookmark   October 15, 2006 at 10:55AM
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Get a first hand look. If you really can't then call Social Services or someone in their state that can look in on them and evaluate the situation.

If they don't have money, Step Dad might be pawning things to buy liquor, or maybe Mom is just losing things? You are not there so you don't know if things are really missing. My Mom has Alzheimers, she accuses everyone of stealing everything.

If you can't help them then get them help. Or at least get your Mom help.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2006 at 3:16PM
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Could other relatives/friends also be""taking""things? My Mom gave some stuff away and then accused my kids of taking things. I got really upset and said the kids (her grandkids) would never be allowed in the house if she did not stop. It is called TOUGH LOVE. If the situation is not resolved someone will call the authourties and report Elder Abuse. NOT FUN. Do you have any other relatives that can step in, if not call the Social Services of the County/City/Hospital.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2006 at 9:24PM
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