your thoughts on caregiving options for dad
First time poster on this forum, but a regular on the Homes forum.
My 84 year old mom has been taking care of my 89 year old dad. Unfortunately, mom, who has been in GREAT health was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and we don't have much time left with her. Dad, who is frail, though hard of hearing and needs a walker to walk slowly, is in great health, and generally of sound mind.
Dad is suffering anxiety attacks over who will take care of him after mom passes. So much so, that it has become distracting to mom's visitors and adds to mom's suffering (who is unable to get any rest as she is dealing with her own pain caused by the cancer). We decided that if my mom were to spend her last days comfortably, we need to address dad's care now.
Dad has directed us to find a nursing home and he is willing to pay up to $3K a month (well.. that isn't going to work). We can rent out his house and get $3K to 3500 per month, along with another unit at 2,200 and can get close.
We have some options that we are considering and would like your thoughts. As you can imagine, we have not had a lot of time thinking about this and don't want to make a mistake.
Option 1 - dad can stay with either my sister or I. Our homes are about 30 minutes away (by car) from where my parents are living now. Dad does not want to do this (he said he would do this if our homes were in the same city). I'm convinced dad is OCD and will drive everyone crazy before too long.
Option 2 - dad can live at home and we can find a caregiver to come in and stay with him. I don't think he needs someone 24x7, but rather someone to come cook, clean, and perhaps take him on walks, drive him to a senior day program, and perhaps to visit relatives and friends. Dad, being a worrywart, probably wants someone 24x7, but I don't see the need for that. My biggest fear - dad never leaves the house and essentially becomes homebound.
Option 3 - dad goes to an assisted living home. In his current physical condition, this could work and also it gives him the peace of mind that there is someone there 24 x 7. Some homes have programs, drivers, etc. so this could work. We could supplement this by hiring a separate caregiver/driver to take him out to walk, to meet friends and relatives. As for socializing within the assisted living homes, I'm not sure my dad is the most sociable guy or the greatest conversationalist, so I don't know if he will benefit from the social interactions with other residents.
Option 4 - nursing home. This is dad's preference - or at least that is what he says. Fact is, he doesn't need a skilled nursing home. He is frail, but physically, other than being hard of hearing (and not wearing a hearing aid all the time), the home doesn't offer him much other than peace of mind (can I mention again that dad is a worrywart and OCD?).
I'm thinking Option 3 would be best, although I don't know much about AL homes (or even ones in private residences). I think Option 2 is ok although I worry that without a structured environment and someone like my mom "driving" him, he will regress and stay inside all day long.
Am I thinking about this correctly?
Thanks for your help during a very hard time in our lives.