'Whatever makes Mom happy'!!!
I don't know if I need someone to just listen, or to give me advice. So thanks in advance.
MIL stroked 5 yrs ago. I lived with her for several months to care for her, which was hard because we have NEVER been friends. But I did all those things many of you have done -- including those really nasty clean up jobs. Recently she fell, broke her pelvis. Was in Swing Bed for several weeks, went to a NH for a month for further rehab. She looked great, was clean, gained 4 lbs, was active, and the staff really enjoyed her. And it seemed to us she was also really enjoying it herself. But then she DEMANDED to go home. So, her boys (My DH and his Bro) of course did what they always do -- "whatever makes Mom happy"! We now have someone coming in twice a day to do basic care. She "messes" all over the house, looks disheveled, hair is a mess, nails long and dirty, and wants to have company everyday. She calls us to come to her house to help her "serve", etc, etc. I keep telling my husband I cannot work full time, take care of my own home, and take care of everything for her as well.
My DH and his bro have FULLY supported her financially for many years --house pmt, insurance, food, clothing, spending money, etc -- EVERYTHING! I was recently able to get her some help from social services, but it doesn't come close to covering everything. Now she is telling other relatives and friends that we are denying her food, stealing her money, taking things from her home, and that we are trying to take away her home and force her into the NH. I must repeat here that her boys will do anything "to make Mom happy". It angers me so that she tells everyone how cruel we are to her. I honestly am concerned that someone will bring "elder abuse" charges against us. My DH says, "Let them". She is so ungrateful. Sometimes I find it hard to even be civil to her. And then I feel guilty because she is old (81), and has health issues. She has always been one to blame others for everything bad that has happened to her. Am I being terribly selfish?