My mother was moved but...

shamboAugust 5, 2007 did not go well. She & her friend Betty were moved on Friday. My mother was very unhappy and angry about the move. Talking about Betty needing her nearby did not help. She calmed down a bit for the care givers, but every time I saw her, she got upset all over again.

A big part of the problem is that her vision seems to have almost disappeared in the last few days. The anxiety about that coupled with the move have created a difficult situation for her. The care staff has been very attentive & encouraging to her and to me. They assure me that in a week or so, she will have adjusted.

Of course, right now I feel so anxious & helpless myself. My brain tells me that this is a good move. She'll have a lot more care & attention now that she really needs it. But my heart hates to see her so confused & scared.

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I'm sorry that it has not gone smoothly. At least it is done. I'm thinking that it would only be a very short time before you had to do it. And then, you would not be able to direct her attention to Betty.

Listen to the staff. They understand. She will adjust. It might be a good thing if you could find a good excuse for skipping seeing her for a short while or stay only about 1/2 the time if you do go. Use some lame excuse like you think you think you might have forgotten to unplug the iron.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2007 at 10:15PM
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Agnespuffin, I was thinking the same thing. In fact I stayed away Saturday & Sunday. And I may have a perfect excuse to stay away even longer. I'm reacting to the antibiotic my doctor gave me for an infection. I now have swollen, red, bumpy, & itchy blotches. I'm sure it'll get worse in the next few days as the antibiotic leaves my system.

Thanks for your encouragement!

    Bookmark   August 5, 2007 at 10:40PM
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Call the home and get them to tell her that you have this rash and it needs to be cleared up before you come back. It may be a very good thing for her to turn her thoughts outward enough to worry a little about you. Like it is, all she can think of is how miserable she is.

We all know how non-productive those inward thoughts can be.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2007 at 2:54PM
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Hope your bumps and blotches are not giving you a lot of trouble today, but take care, stay indoors out of the heat, and rest up

    Bookmark   August 7, 2007 at 9:55PM
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Aggie, thanks for your good thoughts. I saw her again today and the staff said she had been grumpy for most of the weekend. She immediately started complaining to me, even to the point of complaining about her friend, Betty. I couldn't stay long, however, because my rash is spreading and I'm pretty uncomfortable. Luckily, I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I'll probably beg him for some prednisone.

I'm still hoping that she'll adjust after a couple of weeks. If she doesn't, who knows...


    Bookmark   August 8, 2007 at 5:11PM
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How are things going? Both with you and your mother? Summer time is not the best time to have to endure rashes and other uglies.

Take Care!

    Bookmark   August 13, 2007 at 2:23PM
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Thanks for asking. Things have gone from bad to worse. First of all, the memory care unit costs approximately $1500 more per month than her assisted living apartment, and I really have not seen a tremendous improvement in care. The bottom line for us is that we can no longer afford to keep her at that particular facility. The administrator wants to "work" with me, but I doubt if she can give me a $1500 discount. Things were tight even before this move.

Secondly, my mother has become even more suspicious & unhappy. In fact, last night she barricaded herself in her room and wouldn't open the door for the aides. I ended up having to go there at 10:30 PM to calm her down. (I live about 30 minutes away) Part of the problem is the constant change in staff -- from shift to shift, day to day, and turnover. With my mom's failing vision, she gets anxious because she doesn't know who's taking care of her.

We've decided to move her in with us. We're in the process of fixing up our guest room for her and installing some ramps. I have no idea how it will work, but the finances dictate it. I'll put her on some waiting lists in my area and contact a home care aid agency for help.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2007 at 9:03PM
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Oh, dear!! Let's hope it calms her down. Is there a reason for her failing eyesight? Cataracts???

    Bookmark   August 13, 2007 at 10:32PM
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She lost almost all of the vision in her left eye in 2004 due to a combination of macular degeneration & a stroke in her optic nerve. In 2005 she developed wet macular degeneration in her right eye. For quite a while, the bleeding & swelling was kept under control by in-the-eye injections. But, in the last year, her condition has gotten worse.

Because of her slipping mental abilities, it's been difficult getting a clear picture of what she really can or cannot see. She's way beyond the point of developing coping strategies. Now, she keeps her eyes closed most of the time and lets her head hang down on her chest.

I'm taking her to her ophthalmologist today in the hopes of getting a better sense of where her vision actually is. She reacted so poorly to the last injection the retinal specialist gave her that I think that option for treatment is out.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2007 at 11:02AM
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