Getting Mom to Accept Help from her Aide when Showering
Well, we just went three rounds trying to get mom to allow her aide to help her shower. Urszula (the aide)has been here as long as mom's been here...9 months. Up until today, mom has "allowed" Urszula to be in the bathroom with her as a "just in case" and that's worked out okay. I noticed within the past few days that mom has body odor, which probably means she is not washing herself properly. So today, before she woke up, I told Urszula to be sure that mom washes properly, which means she'd have to stand by the shower, pull back the curtain and make sure mom's doing a good job. Well, mom threw a fit! I finally went in there (I've been told by a social worker that I am NOT to micromanage...stay out of their arguments, let them work it out) and asked mom what's going on. She went on and on, stating she is not a baby, she does not need anyone's help, etc, etc. I tried to talk to her, but she just wouldn't listen to anything I said, so I finally said "Mom, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I guess I need to tell you that lately you have had body odor and I think you need some help washing up." Obviously, that statement really ticked her off and now she's not talking to me. I realize with an Alzheimer's patient that "this too shall pass"...she just won't remember what I said. But, I'm wondering if someone out there has some suggestions on how to overcome mom's reluctance to accept help with personal care? You know, as I'm writing this, I realize that this is probably just one more fight for her independence, but it's just so frustrating. She's becoming more incontinent (both urine and bowel)and definitely declining in her memory loss, and I see all this, yet when these issues come up, she's as stubborn as she ever was....maybe there aren't any answers...if you can...please HELP!!!