Dad's declining

sharleeJuly 25, 2005

Friends,

Am writing this today as my brother & I make the decision on Dad's placement now that he's not accepting any food.

My DH & I moved him here in Feb to the NW where he wanted to be. First, he chose independent living, now in assisted-living.

This is day 4 that he will not accept food & yet he takes his daily medicine. He's diabetic with end stage renal failure w/o dialysis & has congestive heart failure. He's bleeding internally & here he's still living where he is. He is now staying in bed (3 days). His mind has been very alert when awake & knows what's happening to him.

Dr said last week another move is not good & we could do Hospice. Yes, I do know that. Today my brother thinks the hospital is the best idea & not nursing home.

Dad's directive states as he wrote, if no hope, " Leave me alone". We want to make him comfortable. Brother is talking IV's...would that go against his wishes not wanting life support? This is difficult.

Am so fortunate to have such a loving, DH & being able to be with Dad so often now. He's sleeping most of the time & would like some input on this, if you would.

Thank You, Sharlee

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taupe79

You said that his mind is very alert when he is awake. Can you and your brother stay with him until he awakens and ask him whether he wants IVs to help alleviate any discomfort? I think as long as his mind is so agile, asking him would be best.

As hard as it may be, though, I personally read "Leave me alone" as just that. No IVs, no life support, no resuscitation. I am not trying to tell you what to do... I am only letting you know how I interpret things as a third-party outsider. I cannot imagine how hard that is to deal with, and my heart goes out to you.

I hope you have a few good times during these last days, weeks, etc. Good luck and take care.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2005 at 4:42PM
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PeaBee4

IVs will make the discomfort last longer. And since he is in renal failure, there is no where for the fluid to go. He will swell. Your brother needs to understand what a strain that would be. Your father needs hospice care, either at home or in a hospice facility. Some hospitals do everything possible to keep a patient alive as long as possible. I don't think your father would want that.

    Bookmark   July 25, 2005 at 4:56PM
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fairegold

Sharlee, check for my thread on "Comfort Care Measures", the papers I filled out for the nrsing home where Mother is. It's been a learning experience, and my heart is with you tonight. I understand what you are going thru.

Hugs...

Helene

Here is a link that might be useful: Comfort care measures

    Bookmark   July 25, 2005 at 10:24PM
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sharlee

Thank you, Taupe79,
I did ask my brother if Dad was able to speak to us today as I was on my way. Today being another day, he had gotten to another stage & was not able to say much. I also interpreted the "Leave me alone" as just that.

PeaBee, Yes, I want you to know that I did tell my brother about the fluid intake as my former husband was on dialysis for 11 yrs. I really appreciated that from you.

Helene, I will look at the thread. Bless you.

And now, I must say to you that my Dad passed away tonight while both my brother & I were there. God took care of things like He always does. Why I was worrying about the differences my brother & I had? Guess the stress of matters.

Goodnite, dear ones. Sharlee

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 1:06AM
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PeaBee4

Oh, My! When there is a passing like your father's, it is so difficult because of the lost and yet, relief that he no longer suffers or is aware of his condition.
Take care of yourself. He would want you to.
PB

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 7:31AM
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abreeze

Dear Sharlee... Thank God for His mercy. How wonderful that He took care of your dad for you and your brother. What a blessing he didn't have to endure the IVs and dialysis. May God bless and comfort you. I'm sure your dad knew you loved him very much. ~breezy

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 7:59AM
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heydeborah

Dear Sharlee, you and your brother have my deepest sympathy. God did what He thought should be done. i will say a prayer for your dear Dad and you and your family your Dad is now in a better place and in no pain. debbie

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 9:45AM
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taupe79

Sharlee,

In spite of the grief, how wonderful that you and your brother were able to be with your father at his passing. Please take care of yourself... my prayers are with you and your family.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 10:12AM
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lasershow

Sharlee, my sincere condolences at the passing of your dear father. God does take care of things in His own time and His own way. Peace be with you.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 10:30AM
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DianePA

please accept my deepest sympathies to you and your DB!! its never easy losing a parent or anyone !! so sorry for your loss!

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 1:06PM
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fairegold

Sharlee, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 8:02PM
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Patti541

Sharlee, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2005 at 11:33PM
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nora8

Sharlee, Thoughts and prayers being sent your way. So thankful that you and your brother were with your dear Dad. God in His time....God's Grace and Strength will be with you and comfort you in the days ahead. God is Faithful....Nora

    Bookmark   July 27, 2005 at 7:33AM
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