Financial aid for parent w/o job and has been in hospital

bigshoes213June 9, 2009

My father has been a severe alcoholic for almost 30 years. I have tried to have as little as possible to do with him in the past because he is hurtful, mean, a liar, rarely sober, and etc... It was just to overwhelming to remain in contact with him.

Almost a month ago he tried to commit suicide. He shot himself in the stomach. Punctured his diaphram, damaged part of his liver and lung. He is healing and has not started drinking yet. He says he never wants to drink again. He acts like a completely different person. He is kind, polite, and thankful. He is currently living with me and my husband.

He has not been able to maintain a job over the last few years as far as I know. He did get some work with a truck driving company but was laid off a few months back.

Dad says about 4 months ago he applied for unemployment but was denied because he has not worked enough this past year (?) I am going to apply again for him tomorrow.

He is 49 years old and is not disabled. He does have depression and high blood pressure.

He spent 2 weeks in ICU and then 1 week on the psych ward and was released to us. He has been here little under a week.

My husband and I do not have any extra money to support him. My husband has to have a double lung transplant due to Sarcoid. He goes on the waiting list in July. My dad is planning on getting a job and moving out as soon as he is able to.

My question is what programs are there for him? He does not seem to qualify for state assistance because a) he is not female and pregnant b) over 65 and c) disabled.

He does not have insurance or anytype of income.

Right now all dad is costing us is medicine which is not very expensive (all generics) and food. This we can handle right now. I am just worried about the hospital bills and getting him back on track. I don't want him to have a relapse and start drinking again or decide suicide is an option. He is on depression medicine.

Thanks for letting me vent. There is just a lot on my plate with both my dad and husband being sick under the same roof at the same time.

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Sounds as if you are having a tough time!

You don't say if you have a job, but if you don't, have you thought that maybe he would make a good house-mom? If he really has turned over a new leaf and has become a likable sosrt of guy, it could be your chance, if you want it, to get a job for yourself. He certainly should be a help with your husband.

....., having him with you might be his salvation......if he feels that he is helping in some way. Think about it. He wouldn't be the first man to take over the housekeeping duties.

I don't know if something like this would be a solution. I'm just offering you a diffent way of solving your problem. Might work, might not!

Good luck

    Bookmark   June 9, 2009 at 8:59PM
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Hey Agnespuffin. Thanks for your input. I do currently work full time as a pharmacy technician and my husband works a few hours a week most weeks unless he is in the hospital. Right now dad is not able to move around much and is still in pain from the numerous surgeries he had to undergo repairing his liver and lung.

My husband is a house husband sorta. It remains our biggest fight along with not enough money to go around. I just end up feeling resentful. I am 28 and he is 27 years old. I would not trade him for the world but sometimes I just want to shake him. =0)

It would be a great solution however if it worked. I am not sure my dad knows how to clean or cook for that matter. My mother did all of that for him until their divorce. She could not take anymore of his emotional abuse either. I love him and he seems to want to change but it is hard to let go of how someone treated you your whole live. And that is a whole different subject that I could fill pages upon pages with conversation.

I am hoping upon hope that this in only a temporary situation. My husband and I will have to move 5 hours away to St. Louis as soon as a donor becomes available. We currently live in Northern Mississippi.

I just feel sorry for the situation that my dad has put himself in.

Thanks for responding so quickly and listening to my tale of woe. It is very helpful to talk to someone outside of our family.

    Bookmark   June 9, 2009 at 9:31PM
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Talk away....I'll listen. I probably won't have any good advice, but, who knows, maybe just letting you talk about it will help. It's important that that your father not try to take on a job that would not allow him to heal completly from his surgeries. That goes for your husband too. sometimges the body just takes longer to heal than we expect.

Talk to your dad. He may know more about cooking, etc, than your suspect. Try it as a temporary thing until your husband gets back on his feet.

    Bookmark   June 9, 2009 at 10:04PM
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Neither of my adult sons have insurance and have never had any unless there was company insurance. They just go to the ER and never have to pay a dime. If your Dad has to go to the hospital do not sign for him or you will be stuck.

    Bookmark   June 10, 2009 at 9:54PM
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Hi! Has either your dad or husband applied for SSA/Disability or SSI? Please help him/them apply for both by going to the nearest Social Security Office. The online process is more convenient, but it's a good idea to do it in person. Then, if either of you have questions, you're more apt to get an answer.

I am a good listener, too. If you try to keep too much in, you may explode on the wrong person or at the wrong time. I have regrets from having done so(smile).

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 2:14AM
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My husband is on disability but we don't qualify for any other assistance because I work full time and my income exceeds (barely) the state limits. We are applying anyway just to see what happens. My dad is not disabled or over 65. So he won't qualify either but we are going to try anyhow. As soon as he recovers from surgery hopefully he will be able to find a job and stay sober. It is just really stressful not being able to afford your bills, food, and etc...

Today I had a mental breakdown in the dentist office because my dentist told me that I had to have another crown. My tooth broke a couple weeks ago. My dentist is wonderful he just merely acted like it was perfectly normal for a grown woman to be crying in the dentist chair.

I have gone over and over the state funded assistance programs and according to them my husband, myself and my dad don't qualify for anything. Basically if I was to end up pregnant then we could qualify. Yes Chris and I want to be pregnant and soon but I feel guilty. This has been a rough week.

We just can not seem to get our head above water. It is one thing after another after another.

I have insurance for my husband and myself but it only covers so much and we are left with the copays and deductibles. I just feel we are sinking into more and more debt. My husband and I both have ruined our credit when we were younger and had finally gotten to where we were able to pay on past bills and now we arent able to right now.

It is just depressing that on the day you get paid you are broke basically.

I work as a technician at a pharmacy and we basically had to decide whether to eat for the next two weeks or buy medicine. We are blessed with great family and friends. And someone who knows us paid for the medicine (they wont tell me who). I just feel like we should be able to do this on our own and when we cant it makes things more depressing. Don't worry I am not suicidal or anything I know this sounds depressing.

I am just worried how we will make ends meet, how my dad is going to recover, and hoping against hope that the double lung transplant is a success.

thanks everyone for listening.


    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 2:52AM
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Christina, check out the local food pantries in your area. There are there to help people in exactly your situation. Is there a soup kitchen that provides free meals? Our community has one that rotates among the local churches that serves a hot lunch. It may be hard at first, but it's better than not eating.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2009 at 10:37AM
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Hi there, you do have a lot on your plate for someone so young. I can feel where your coming from as for your dad's past abuse, been there.
Even though your dad is physically handycapped he could be classified as metally handycapped. Depression is one reason people drink.

As for unempolyment you do have to have worked so many months to get it and there are guildlines rules why you became unemployed that would make you eligiable for unemployment.
He can get help through the employment office to get work, it might now be the type of work he wants but he can't be choosy right now. If he doesn't do everything possiable to gain employment you'll have to be the tough guy and give him tough love, tell him straight up that you cannot support him at this time.

Are you an only child? If not have all the other's wrote dad off and not help out at all?

It wouldn't hurt for your dad to try for welfare, food stamps, and medicade, That would be of some help and they too could help him find a job. You can apply for food stamps at your local employment office too, at least they have it set up here that way.

Your husband sounds truly sick if he's having to have a transplant so him staying at home is ok, it may seem unfair that your pulling all the weight but you don't know what he's going through. My husband doesn't understand my disablities and has no ideal the pain I suffer or the metal state it puts me through.

My prayers go out to you and your family

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 6:42AM
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modern life interiors

While your father was an in patient at the hospital, the social worker should have applied for benefits on his behalf. It is not too late. It can still be done but through a different source.
He might be able to apply for social security benefits by way of social security disability or supplemental security income.
If he is accepted on ssi he can get medicaid. food stamps, home care whatever.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 1:59PM
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"My dad is not disabled or over 65. So he won't qualify either but we are going to try anyhow. As soon as he recovers from surgery hopefully he will be able to find a job and stay sober. "

After his surgery he might be qualified. Check out this article and see if it is of any help.

Disabled and seeking benefits
How to make your best case for Social Security payouts
June 29, 2009
By Kristen Gerencher, MarketWatch

A link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   June 30, 2009 at 4:19PM
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