Difficulty with a decision....

Patti541June 6, 2005

I desperately need some input...my uncle, who I have been taking care of for the last year, was placed in hospice last week. He was not eating much, not drinking and barely able to support himself walking. It seems he has recovered enough so they want to remove him from inpatient hospice in the next day or so. The social workers have been suggesting that I don't take him back to my home and place him in another setting (adult care home, nursing home.) Finances are not a problem, it is the emotions that are difficult for me. If I had to make a choice, I think he would do better in a home setting rather than a hospital setting. Right now, there are no nursing home beds available anyway. I have been looking at some adult care homes, but they are not exactly what I am looking for...my option right now is to bring him back to my home, have hospice follow him and continue possibly looking for a care setting for him. I have done nothing but cry on and off for the last week...at this point, I don't even know what to do. I know I can get some in home help from hospice...I am hoping that will work out. My biggest problem with him is cleaning him up when he is occasionally bowel incontinent...just because physically he is difficult to manipulate for me. I want him to be at my home, but again I don't know if I can continue to care for him. Anyone have any thoughts? Sorry if I am rambling...

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This is difficult & only you can make the decision. Will offer my experience with both Mom & Dad. Mom is placed in a private Adult Foster Home living with another family & that has proven to work out well. Are there any where you live? She has constant supervision altho' not with hospice yet. They have had help with hospice with others in the past, tho'. There is no way I could take care of my Dear Mom with her dementia & visiting has been more meaningful for us.

Right now Dad is in the hospital after my DH & I moved him from out of state to independent living, then assisted living & now we're uncertain what's next after he had a head injury (not brain injury) from a fall at his apt last week. This all has been within 4 months.

We'll be making a decision, also, on what is next for his living situation. It's hard & I pray for guidance as the answer usually comes when we need it.

Blessings to you, Sharlee

    Bookmark   June 6, 2005 at 3:16PM
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Hi Patti... You aren't rambling! :) You are faced with a very difficult decision... Hospice is a wonderful network, but it is quite possible no one will be with you when he has a bowel movement. They are in the home only a short time and only on scheduled days. My mother was tiny and it took all of me to move and work with her. I helped my friend with her husband who, in his weakened state, was unable to help us much. He insisted on walking, but it was very difficult even with two of us helping... May God strengthen and encourage you and give you peace. May He guide and direct you in your decision. ~abreeze

    Bookmark   June 6, 2005 at 7:06PM
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HI Patti...it is a difficult position. If finances are not an issue, have you considered bringing him home and hiring some in-home caregivers (aides) to help you and teach you to care for him in the process? If he is not ambulatory, falls are not likely. I would expect thant you could learn the skills you need to care for him. DW

    Bookmark   June 6, 2005 at 10:45PM
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Thank you all for your advice and caring concern. I know it is a hard decision, and I appreciate your input and support. Best of luck to you too, Sharlee. I hope things work out OK for your Dad.

    Bookmark   June 7, 2005 at 8:38PM
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