It's so hard to go into her bedroom here...

Glitter53May 5, 2005

When will these feelings end?! Every time I go into Mom's bedroom here to open the drapes, I feel like I get punched in the tummy! It's a lovely comfortable...and now she's in a nursing home....omg...I just wish I could handle these things better. Same with her living-room's just hard...I'm sure I'll feel better about them one day..but when?! Yes, intellectually she's in a better place, but it still hurts when I see her room and living-room.....Ah....just needed to pout for a while...thanks for listening...;-/



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If you can bring yourself to do it. Change the furniture around. Different bedspread, etc. New pictures on the walls. Just anything to make it less like it used to be. I understand what you are saying through. there's nothing quite like wishing that things were back to the "good old days." Whether it's best to keep things intact or change them about is something that no one knows for sure. It will always be Mother's room.

    Bookmark   May 5, 2005 at 1:36PM
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Linda....Grief comes in many forms. It has been a big change in y'all's way of life. Know what it is and don't rush yourself. It will come. Derry

    Bookmark   May 6, 2005 at 9:55AM
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Ohhhh Linda....I have the same here only Lara my MIL is passed on. That is when it gets hard, when you know they are gone and you can't see them anymore. I always walk pass her bedrooom and there is no windows in it as it is a downstairs and on that side of the room there is no windows, however I have plenty on the other side plus a French door walk out. The room seems empty and so lomesome. Her bed is still the same way altho I moved a rocker in there and I think it would help to paint, and redo. The only thing I did take out is all of her clothes and a potty chair. Even my family room down was where she spent all her time. It is terrible sad, and it will just take time is what I tell myself. I have a hard time at night if lights are not on down there and the T.V. going. It was never quite there,gee....I can relate so much. You hit a note when you spoke of that. I am still having problems dealing with it, and wonder too when does it get better. My husband always refers to mom's place and when he goes down still says "I am going down to Mom's. It has been three months the 8th since she passed. As Nora says ..."one day at a time". Hope we can talk together , soon because I am hanging on the same ledge. Many Hugs to you......Gabby

    Bookmark   May 6, 2005 at 2:31PM
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I know what you are feeling, I had it in a bigger dose, my dad had to be in the nursing home and I had the whole house to worry about. Plus his dog, and his 2 cats. Dog came to us immediately, but I had to feed those cats 2x a day, and walking into his home and him not there was sad.
Then we had to make the decision to sell the house, that was the worst. He would never come back, and it could not sit empty in this day and age.
Just know it will pass, slowly and leaving some sadness in your heart.

    Bookmark   May 7, 2005 at 3:41AM
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Sorry I haven't been here to respond: our DD took my girlfriend and I to Toronto for a Mother's Day weekend (my friend's daughters are there, too) and we had a wonderful time!!

Gabby...I know what you went thru with Lara and we really are in the same boat. You also hit it when you said that it's still Mom's room, etc. We still do that: Mom's room, Mom's's just another kick in the tummy, isn't it? Her bedroom is as it was the day she left to go into the NH. It smells of her creams, her perfume...I could just fall on her bed and sob...that's how it feels. It's such a lovely room and her bed is so snuggly..and now....The only thought that helps me is that with her progressive deterioration, she's in the right place, and I could never cope here. I tried to put her into her bed last Thursday and she was just a limp weight...I hurt my back and I'll never attempt that again: I don't know what I would have been able to do here with transfers. I'll start this week to pack her chatchkis up in boxes, freshen the room up with paint, and ....'ll still be hard.

PeeBee, Derry, Jeannine, thank you for responding; it's such a comfort hearing from you, knowing you understand what we go through. You're all right, of course...grief is an individual experience, and we all have to find our own way through it, at a pace we can cope with. One little step at a time....


    Bookmark   May 9, 2005 at 9:19AM
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It is hard, I sold the house, and it is just down the street from me. Luckily I met the couple and they were caring for her elderly mom, so we fit right in on our problems.
I still go by the house, and know the changes they made to it, and feel upset, but then I know it was for the best.
The fact you realized you could not have cared for your mom is terrible to know,but again, I face that problem every day. My son is going to be too much for me to handle some day, and I hate even thinking about that.
I hope you get some sunshine in your life.

    Bookmark   May 9, 2005 at 3:57PM
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