Wish us luck, friends....

fairegoldMay 2, 2005

Looks like I have to take Mother to the hospital today. I am angry and frustrated, but worried, as well.

Mother is 95, lives in blended independent/assisted complex about 10 miles from me, but she's independent. She has bad osteoporosis, and three years ago, she had a vertibraplasty (sp?) on a new break in her spine, and she did well afterwards; after that, I moved her here from Arizona. She does not have AD or any other cognitive problems other that worrying about everything.

My husband and I had a busy weekend with a large event, Thursday thru Sunday, and house guests. I told Mother that we will be home every evening, and she has my cell phone number, and I was only 45 minutes away while I was at the event.

So she calls me last night, Sunday, and asks me to please call the doctor today. Seems she was moving furniture in her apartment (I swear, I will KILL her!) and she hurt herself on Friday. SHe hasn't been able to go downstairs for meals, but, she assures me, she has plenty of Ensure in her fridge.

I was so frustrated that I didn't take here directly to the hospital last night (and do I ever feel guilty). I am giving her doctor another 15 minutes to call me back with a referral to an orthopedist who works with osteoporosis, and if no call, then we go right to the hospital. I don'd want to get her into the car for an appt at a GP's office and then just get a referral.

Wish us luck....

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momj47

How's she doing? How are you doing?

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 4:49PM
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Glitter53

Oh, don't you just wish they'd stop pushing themselves?! My Mom's already had two falls in the NH because she "didn't want to bother anyone" by ringing the call-bell, and tried to get out of bed herself and to the washroom!!! Thank goodness nothing serious happened!

As for your dear Mom....95!!!?? and moving furniture around?! They are made of stronger stuff, aren't they?

All the best, I hope you found the help she needed today!

Blessings
Linda

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 7:07PM
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fairegold

The good thoughts must have worked. We were at the ER for 4+ hours, and she got a sonogram to check her aorta (can cause spinal pain) which is just fine, and xrays. Her spine is awfully bad, and the radiologist is not sure, but did not see any new compression fractures, but lots of old ones.

So I took her home and signed her up for the assisted living, at least for a while. She's complaining that she doesn't need help, but she really does. What's wonderful about where she lives is that she stays in her apartment, just gets added services. She's fine sitting or standing or laying down, but any movement just is agony. I do hope that she improves, just for the pain.

I'm also signing her up for the LifeAlert, and she's already complaining about that. Why would she need that? Sigh.

I did have a few sharp words with her. Along the lines of her saying "I'm not doing that" (to getting wheelchair service to the dining room) and my saying, "Tough, you're getting it."

Right now I am exhausted.... but I'm at home and I'll go back tomorrow. Tonight my dear husband is fixing dinner!

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 8:33PM
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PeaBee4

I guess she's just hoping that she's going to improve. We know she won't but she hasn't admitted it to herself yet. In a way, I don't blame her. We all have dreams of a better and easier tomorrow. It's hard to give up those dreams. Keep after her to get her to do those things that will increase her safety. She really doesn't need more fractures or a broken hip. Good Luck!!!
PB

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 8:41PM
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barker_tx

yes, I do wish you a LOT OF LUCK...last Aug my hubby's 94 yr old aunt (who lives alone, but in a 4-plex) fell one Sat PM - it took her 3-4 hours to scoot her way to the phone (she broke a hip) so she could call the neighbor for help - ten days in the hospital - one month in rehab and she refuses to have first alert! At least she doesn't try to move furniture.

Oh, and she rode all day (20 miles) in a wagon in February!

Carolyn

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 9:53PM
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fairegold

At one point, when I got Mother home, and she was saying, no I won't do this or that, I said FIRMLY, yes you will or I will walk out that door and leave you to fend for yourself.

Know what? I don't feel nearly as guilty for saying that as you might think I would feel.

Thanks, friends, for letting me vent. Most of you have far more serious problems with AD or other dementia, but here's a testimonial that dealing with people who have no AD at all is a different challenge: no less, no worse, just different. I have come to greatly appreciate those of you with problems other than my own. Thank you for letting me into your lives and for sharing so eloquently.

ANd thanks for letting me have a place to come and visit you all! I appreciate the support.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2005 at 11:54PM
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gabby_49

Why is it, they think they are indisposable???? Giving up independency has to be hard, but we all need it sometime. However I would be one of them, who tried it MYSELF...never asking for help,so I can understand where they are coming from.It sure doesn't help the "cargivers" who are attending to them tho.

My MIL was 80, hand-i-capped and stayed alone in our home when I left ot go with husband. She had a wheelchair she got around in, and could motivate anywhere and do what she wanted,(also she had a jazzy, but could never use), after she passed it went to a Uncle we have,who enjoys it so much. What I was getting to, is MIL never wanted the "Lifeline" either, and she fell several times in our home, but luckily we were here to get her up. They just never want to give up....but they sure don't mind asking (get me this or that), when you are present. Been there!!! HUGS Gabby

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 8:21AM
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mimi427

Fairegold,
Don't feel guilty or bad about being firm with her...sometimes that is just what they need. When my mom first moved in, she was fighting me on everything and I know it was her fight for independence, her last shred of it and I was aware of it and tried so hard to respect her feelings, but when she pushed me just too far one day, we got into it and her reply to me was "what are you gonna do about it?" I said "you'll leave me no choice but to put you in a nursing home" and she backed off quickly. Of course, I couldn't sleep all nite, feeling so guilty, but I did not take it back. The next day, I called the social worker and told her what happened and she told me it was the right thing to do...I had drawn a line, letting her know she couldn't push me beyond that point. You know, we are only human, we can only withstand so much...right or wrong, good or bad, sometimes we say things...God bless you for being there for her all the time....let it go....breathe....be well, Mimi

    Bookmark   May 3, 2005 at 8:42AM
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derryw

You'd like to put them in a Zip-Lok bag for safety....but,of course, that won't work! I hope she is improving. Did he give her pain meds to keep her moving/ I hope so. Derry

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 8:58AM
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heydeborah

Good morning! Well i'm happy to hear that things weren't worse than they were, your mom was very,very lucky. as my kids say mom always has a story, so here goes, i remember al falling out of his wheelchair in the kitchen one night, this was before that great facilitator came to the house, sold use the wheechair and didn't mention a belt for it, or anti-tippers and some amputee part for the wheelchair, well al fell out and if you can believe this, he broke the upper part of his amputated leg! they couldn't put it in a cast (which would have been funny!) so it was some kindof molded thing, but you all like me thought what if i wasn't home? i guess that's why we got the pay as you go cell phone. your mom must be a strong person, after i moved that furniture around the other day, i was so sore and still am! debbie

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:24AM
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fairegold

I will talk to her regular doctor about a pain med tomorrow, but she's just on regular tylenol right now. She gets too loopy with anything 'real', and I worry that she would be more prone to falling with stronger pain meds. ANd besides, probably a little bit of pain keeps her from trying to do too much.

She claims she wasn't moving furniture, just 'shoving' things around a little bit....

What can you do?

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:27AM
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PeaBee4

Try her on Aleve or it's generic, Naproxen (much cheaper). Tylenol didn't do me a dab of good for back or muscle or joint pain. Maybe it is just me, but I have not found that Tylenol is good for much except headaches and fever.
A lot of the high powered stuff will make her a little foggy, and some of it can be constipating. She doesn't need THAT either, right?
PB

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:53AM
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fairegold

Oh, no, nothing constipating! Please, anything but that.... we already have the problem. Sigh.

I will ask her doctor to 'prescribe' Aleve, because Mother will not take anything that the doctor does not specifically state. We go thru this every time I buy generic tylenol, she is convinced that it's not the real thing. And know all that small print on the Rx inserts and the drugstore printouts? mother reads every word. Drives me crazy!

Good idea, tho. Yeah, Tylenol doesn't do much for me, either.....

    Bookmark   May 4, 2005 at 11:57AM
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