I give up
I'm the "wellspouse" caregiver for my 65 year old husband, who has a triple whammy:Multile sclerosis, Seizures, and Alzhymer's like symptoms. Add depression to the mix. He is or was a highly intelligent man, had worked in a pretty high position in the County government before retiring due to the MS. He was also quite an athlete (softball, volleyball,running) and a great husband and all-around fix it guy. Me, I have kidney failure and just got a tramnsplant in January. I take care of him the best I can, but he's now basically confned to bed. He wears diapers, watches TV all day. HIs only interaction with anyone other than myself is when the Aide we hired comes three afternoons a week. She gets him out of bed, into a wheelchair, helps him shower, shave, brush teeth, and dress. She also changes his bed linens, which are generally soiled with urine and waste. Add to that, because he stays in bed, he eats meals in bed and constantly spills. Yesterday I cooked a beef pattie, buttered potatoes and green beans, he managed to spill the vegetables in the bed. I got him to change his diaper and undershirt and that was it for the night. I then called my sister, my confidant, and told her how depressed I am. She has worked as an aide herself, so she understands. She suggested I find a support group for caregivers. I'm gonna do just that after I'm done posting here. After our talk, I realized my husband's life can only end one way. I'll take care of him till I drop, then he'll go into sone kind of assisted care (he's a veteran) and eventually he'll die. But he's very proud and stubborn and every time I even mention some kind of institution, he screams "I refuse to go into a Nursing Home!!!" Which only re-inforces my opinion,I'll take care of him as long as I'm able, he'll be in some kind of institution, and he'll die. I've looked into Adult Day Care thru the VA, and it's pricey-$70 if I drive him, $120 a day if they pick him up. And as a VA in-patient, he would have to apply for Medicaid and our finances would be strictly controlled. Both he and I have pensions from our past government jobs, plus he gets
Social Security. I'm not looking for advice here, just some sympathy. I feel like crying. I'm a slave to a loud-mouthed demanding man. "Get me a drink...I spilled my drink, clean me up...Bring me my urinal bottle...I'm thirsty, what drinks do we have?...the demands on me are endless. I give up.