Hi all, I could use some advice concerning my mom. She had a massive stroke in Dec. and is now in a nursing home long term. Her right side was affected and therefore she has no use of her right arm and her right leg is iffy at best. She can do very little to help herself other than washing her upper body some, brushing her teeth and putting on her face cream. Beyond that she needs help.
She thinks she is going to be able to come home, or at least go to assisted living. I can not take care of her at home and the cost of round the clock in home caregivers would be as much, if not more than the nursing home. I did talk to the home and asked them to not say much in regards to her future, lets just take it a day at a time. That is problem one, problem two is she is now pressuring me to come see her every day. I feel guilty when I don't go in but I am also taking care of my dad and there are days that I can see he is tired, more confused with his dementia and should just stay home and rest. My mom does not want to hear this so it makes for a very hard time. Let me say that if the situation were reversed and it was my dad in the nursing home, there is no way my mom would be there every day.
Mom and I have had a dysfunctional realationship for years. One time after a fender bender I ended up having to go to the hospital, mom drove me over, but did not want to park the car because it looked like rain and she did not want to get her hair wet! She just left me at the hospital to fend for myself. This is the way mom is............
So, what would you do? Would you go every day? Should I? Don't get me wrong, I do love my mom and I know I will miss her terrible when she is gone. If she were "terminal" I know I would be there every day, but right now she is doing okay, at least that is what the doctor's say. How do I explain to her that I would like to have a little bit of a life, or should I give up every aspect of my life for her now?
My brother is also in a nursing home in the area and I do go to see him, but not every day and he is okay with that. I would like to get both in the same nursing home, but right now that is not possible.
Please help me with some advice, I am very torn inside right now and would appreciate your input. What would you do?